zenrules

Zen snippets – 4

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.

Goodnight everyone, sleep well. Continue reading “Zen snippets – 4”

For those from the colonies

You may talk o’ gin and beer
When you’re quartered safe out ‘ere, Continue reading “For those from the colonies”

A great Australian bass

Peter Dawson

Zen snippets – 3

No one is listening until you fart.

Goodnight everyone, sleep well.

Definitions

There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls.
We’ve all heard about people having Guts or Balls.
But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

GUTS – Is arriving home late after a night out with the boys,
being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to
ask: ‘Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?’

BALLS – Is coming home late after a night out with the guys,
smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping
your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say: ‘You’re next,
Chubby.’

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically, speaking there is No difference in the outcome.
Both result in death.

FOR SALE BY OWNER.

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in a U.K. newspaper:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old.
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!

FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour’s dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother, a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog… able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

*** And the WINNER is… ***

Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition…..£200 or best offer.
No longer needed.
Got married last month, wife knows everything.