theroyalist

One ditto at a time

There is an extremely small word that Lb for Lb could be the strongest in the written form of the English language. This word is ditto. Nobody ever writes ditto. Ditto is one of the least written words in our vocabulary. Little ditto has a symbol and the symbol is “. Ditto, of course, means to repeat. “ is a great thing to have up your sleeve if you can’t be bothered writing out “stayed in and watched TV” in your diary entry day after day. That five word sentence could be written in shorthand with five dittos. Ditto is also very simple to write being as it is a small downwards (or upwards, if you’re the glass half-full kind of person) two marks on the paper. Continue reading “One ditto at a time”

Enter the Parkour

The distaff side of the family are heavily into Zumba at the moment. This female-orientated fitness movement is on course for world domination. My isometric exercises are seen as old hat. To combat the constant jibes from the femaliens that I should really have moved on from Bruce Lee by now I discovered a new form of training that encompasses many disciplines. Continue reading “Enter the Parkour”

Withering Heights

Seats were scarce in the café as queues of tray-laden customers circled the room looking for a place to park. Those already seated sat smugly with their meals. There were a few plush couches in the establishment whose patrons would leisurely, aristocratically pick at their lunches. Even in a greasy spoon you’ll find snobs.

One window stool facing out to the main road stood empty. This sticking out like a sore thumb location was sub-prime. Windows to the world are for writers only. From this spot they can observe humanity in all its guises giving them reams of future material. I gave it a miss. Continue reading “Withering Heights”

Contagious

As I am rarely in the doctor’s or the MP’s surgeries, filled as they are with viruses and mendacity it is libraries that give me cause for concern. For years I bought (well hired, to be exact) into the library deal without any inkling of worry. I would present my card and chosen books to be stamped and I would return them within a certain date. This, for any aliens reading out there, is what libraries do. Continue reading “Contagious”

The War Journal : Three Spartans

The Muse gig campaign was a Stonewaller. With great inspiration we laid a trail of destruction in our wake, living off the land, taking no prisoners before triumphing without any casualties. We had reached our goal within a few songs. In front of us, swelling as big as a carpet burn, stood the mighty legions of fans of the medieval torture instrument. They would be a more formidable foe.

Our numbers were only three: Chibber, Steff and me, sometimes less is more as stealth can win out in a crowd of 10,000. None of us knew the difference between tactics and strategy, all we knew was that our objective was to get to the front row. The front row is the ultimate in concert-going. Continue reading “The War Journal : Three Spartans”

Retired

Rapid eye movement sleep (REM sleep) is a normal stage of sleep characterized by the random movement of the eyes. REM, the rock group, have called it a day. They were formed in Athens, Georgia. (You know, that Athens, Georgia stuff really gets me. Love America, I really do)

Best line: Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives and I decline.

Wide Awake

My wife was on a girl’s night out and I was given the pleasant task of redecorating the toilet while she painted the town: you’ve guessed it right, red, white and blue. After finishing my chore I felt like going to sleep, instead I decided to watch some TV.
The satellite TV was on the blink and it would be days before a technician calls, however all was not lost, I still had Freeview on my television in the bedroom. The channels Freeview provides are limited but it’s either that or nothing and something’s better than nothing. Continue reading “Wide Awake”

Rangers

McEwans Export is probably the best buy in beer, though that’s only a localised opinion. Having resurfaced after drinking a league of this brew I can honestly say nowhere else in the world is a goal celebrated with more joy than when scored against the anti-Christs. Then again, for all I know, maybe the rugbyistas go mental when a try is achieved. After all, it is a rarity.

The tree ~l~

To be present at a scoop is a newspaper man’s dream. My lucky strike has no photographic evidence because as I’ve said before it’s unsafe to prowl these woods with a camera; bushwhackers abound. Therefore, you’ll have to take my word for it that the following happened.

The remnants of Hurricane Katia battered our shores inflicting widespread travel disruption. Continue reading “The tree ~l~”