Didn’t Happen #2

The study of ancient life. Backwards thinking. Theorising about old rags and bones. Fossil finders that CGi their lucky strikes and make big lizards. I will make a compelling case to argue that dinosaurs didn’t exist.

We’ll start with the skeletons in the closet. Their girth. These big truckers wouldn’t fit in a cloakroom. Then there’s the fact that there are no big beasts around today already throws up a red flag. None of them thawed from the ice! Not one. Not one, from this enormous pack of behemoths, not one had the resilience of a bug. Also, why did the bonefinders generals make them so big. From twigs and ribs they modeled these creatures. This bit goes here, that bit goes there, we’ll put scales on this one. a tail on that one. By Crichton, they airfixed these monsters to ridiculous sizes. Being so huge they would have ran out of food. This, I suppose, is a compelling case for their extinction if they lived in the first place.

Now we move to Animal Planet content. The puritan Paleontologists didn’t place genitalia on their specialized subjects. Go on, give me one example in any museum or Jurassic park franchise where there’s a Dr Manhattan strutting about. Obviously, taking their cue from ancient Greek sculptures and hoping to cash in at the cinema with a G rating they decided that fig leaves were not an option so, boof, there goes your family allowance. The lack of sexual organs is a good a reason as any for non-existence. No T-rexctasy.

The magical world of dinosaurs is populated by giants of all stripes. We’ve got flying saurs, water living saurs, plant eating saurs, nesting saurs, John Le Mesurier. It’s all too orderly for me. The majority have bought this scam. Dooursaurs agree? We’ll see. In this place, all our dinosaurs are missing. None of them blog in this period. Come on, get the stone tablets out and get chiseling. Bronto!

5 thoughts on “Didn’t Happen #2”

  1. I cannot satisfy your quest for proof with regards to the existence, past or present, of dinosaurs but I do share your scepticism with respect to the methods used by palaeontologists to make their various cases. My particular gripe lies with those pseudoscientists who claim that they are able to tell us exactly what three-million-year-old Lucy looked like based on a few bone fragments. They even attempt to persuade us with the more recently departed such as Roman soldiers and 14th century plague victims. I would like to see them prove their skills by creating a sculpture of someone recently deceased, whose image is well known to others but not to them. Then we will see if there is any method in their madness.

  2. Can I have some of whatever you are on? Sounds fun!

    In all likelihood half the saurs who no longer blog have probably fallen off their twigs and are now fertilising daisies.

    Meanwhile, I always thought what happened to the dinosaurs was an awful illustration of a minatory stochastic event to the sublimely obliviously powerful. Just like congratulating oneself as one moved into one’s new house in Pompeii and thinking the smoking volcano was a personal welcome!

    Events have a nasty way of repeating themselves on this world. Perhaps the cockroaches will have better luck as it is painfully obvious that humans have done a pretty bad job, at least the dinosaurs tidied up after themselves by eating most of the evidence. Who is going to eat New York, Delhi, Honk Kong etc?

    Mind you, I rather like the thought of something munching up a Trump hotel for a mid morning snack, probably spit it out though, too much flavouring of mendacity!

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