Nathan and Pat clean up all 10 before tea after Steve and Matt set an impossible target at a ground where England never loses.
Have I morphed to an alternate reality, or is this for real?
Poor old Moeen goes down to The Goat for the 11th time – oh frabjous joy!
Boadicea's Chariot 
Poor old England are tired after winning the World Cup apparently. Oh, did Australia also play in the World Cup?
So how do England take the wicket of Steve ‘on the spectrum’ Smith?
No England fan is actually that surprised. The bosses have deliberately prioritised the white ball format over the last four years and even then only managed a technical victory in the World Cup. It’ll be a formality for Australia to keep the Ashes as England can’t bat with patience and don’t have a spinner worth a hoot. Lyon is Australia’s not-so-secret weapon.
You all know of my love of nearly everything Australian, excepting spiders, drop bears, snakes and the sandpaper three.
OZ
Best comment I read about the first test was that Steve Smith does have a weakness in his game. He struggles with his batting when he’s in the 140’s.