Home > Chips on Shoulders, Gardening, Nature, Short Stories, The Dark Side > Flushed with success – eventually

Flushed with success – eventually

No, seriously, it was a crisis! Suddenly our (cough) pipes of pan were blocked. In fact nothing would leave the bathroom at all. So I said to Mrs J, who was a girl guide before the Flood, ‘Doesn’t Arkela do it in the woods?’ If looks could kill.

Within a desperately long five hours (y’know how it is – when yer gotta go….), Monsewer Rasmussen drove up in his ‘normous tanker. In a trice he exposed our person-holes (very pc ‘ere, innit?), thrust his long black tube therein and sucked fit to bust, pointing out that we have a diameter problem; which was nothing we could fix without rebuilding the house. Apparently size is everything in his business. He could even smile, seeming happy with his lot.

So it all panned out well. I suppose we could have called the cops, but they’d have had nothing to go on.

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  1. Four-eyed English Genius
    December 9, 2015 at 11:21 am

    Better now than after the Christmas Brussel Sprouts have been consumed, or are you lucky enough not to have those brassica of the devil in your neck of the woods??!! 🙂

  2. December 9, 2015 at 2:42 pm

    FEEG, we rehearsed all those possibilities during our long wait. It is a tradition here to stuff the Xmas duck with prunes and apples. Don’t go there…. 😱

  3. christinaosborne
    December 9, 2015 at 6:17 pm

    Are we talking septic tank here or blocked pipes to mains sewers?

  4. December 9, 2015 at 6:39 pm

    Pipes between house and pump to mains. We’re modern – kinda! 😷

  5. christinaosborne
    December 9, 2015 at 7:56 pm

    Maybe it is time to buy a ‘snake’ then? Spousal unit had a similar problem in the house in Dallas, he had some sort of gadget that wound down a mechanical metal snake that seemed to do the trick.
    I don’t personally have much experience of mains drainage. Most of the time I have lived on septic tanks and soakaways. One becomes very adept at not putting certain things down the bogs! Saves a fortune on having them pumped empty.
    We had ours emptied as one must when we sold the house this year, it is a requirement of all such sales and got a bill for 600 bucks!!! Admittedly it was a large septic but quite beyond as a bill! About twice the price of last time! The art form to not needing pumping is to feed it bacteria every month to liquefy all and sundry. We used to have a very well fertilised front lawn as the outflow field was under it!
    Splendid subject to follow our political discussion. Both full of the same!

  6. December 9, 2015 at 8:13 pm

    Yes, this is a more significant topic, says Backside. He would, wouldn’t he? Maybe a widget would help. We’ll see. Or smell. 😷

  7. christinaosborne
    December 9, 2015 at 8:36 pm

    I have to say the new house here is a bit of a novelty for me. Mains water and drainage, electricity that doesn’t seem to go off too often and a real novelty- The place is so well insulated that one can hear neither rain nor wind, quite extraordinary. The place neither creaks nor groans in storms and we have had some seriously ghastly weather all month so far, a lot of fairly serious flooding further south. It comes a bit of a surprise to let the dogs out when one opens the back door and realises that there is a near typhoon outside. Dogs look out disconsolately and decide to cross all four legs! I would too! All a bit modern for my atavistic soul but I expect one will come to terms with it. Things that actually work, whatever next!

    In fact we have so many flooded fields round here we need traffic control. Small skeins of tundra swans are zooming round the town looking for drowned bugs and worms, there are so many of them going in all directions that I fear the near misses will soon be clashes, 5′ long swans dropping out of the sky might prove a greater hazard than skulking insurgents in this locality.!
    One really ought to know the’ donald’s take’ on incipient terror by swan.
    Send ’em all home to Alaska!
    Must go and walk the dogs, it has stopped raining and a yellow thing has appeared in the sky!
    Mirabile dictu.

  8. December 10, 2015 at 7:26 am

    Generally, Danish houses are built to high standards in terms of insulation, plumbing and materials. But our pad was built in the 1880s and was extended in a couple of phases down the years. The chocolate box thatched villa demands maintenance – I was going to say ‘Forth Bridge style’ but that has taken on a new meaning!

  9. December 10, 2015 at 1:20 pm

    There was a guy named Janus
    Who wasn’t able to use his anus
    The pipes were all blocked
    So he went off half cocked
    And became incredibly famous
    🙂

  10. December 10, 2015 at 3:37 pm

    That’s just lovely, Gaz, thank you.😳

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