All of you have, presumably, heard about the Pandas in Embra Zoo. According to Sleekit Salmond, and the Scottish Government , Department of Misinformation, they were a gift from China to Caledonia to celebrate the historic links between us.
Let us ignore the fact that those historic links include two Jocks being involved, root and branch, in fomenting the Opium Wars.
The truth is that the Chinese Government ‘gifted’ us the two non-performing Pandas for £640,000 a year for ten years. I say ‘us’ but I do, of course, mean you as well, if you happen to share my status as a UK tax payer – panda purchasing is not devolved at the moment.
It follows that, despite Chris’s love of things Chinese I have no intention of running him out to Corstorphine and the afore-mentioned Embra Zoo to watch some useless wastes of space failing to deliver. If, however, he insists on experiencing that particular phenomenon, I’ll get him a ticket for the public gallery at the Scottish Parliament instead.
Moving on, we do have exciting news and I am worried that Chris might miss it.
All of Embra is agog. An Arum Titan is, apparently, about to flower in the Royal Botanic Garden.
As you can read, it is stated that the Arum gives off a ‘stench like rotting corpses.’
I would just like to assure Chris that, if he misses the flowering, I can still help him to experience the stench by getting him that ticket for the public gallery at the Scottish Parliament.