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Sausage Dog

September 30, 2014 Leave a comment Go to comments

Dasher Daschshund grew quite barmy,
he fell in love with a salami.
He knew that wondrous, fickle fate
Had brought his aromatic mate.

But months of unrequited lust,
turned little Dasher’s heart to dust.
He found he couldn’t go on living,
a life so harsh and unforgiving …

and with a whine of deep despair,
he turned his toes into the air.
(Luckily, his doggy basket
doubled as a funeral casket).

Awash with grief his owner cried,
Mein liebling hund has sadly died!
I’ll never own a pet agin,
but aus den augen aus dem sinn.

The owner liked his new-found pet,
Who didn’t eat, or need a vet,
and found a sausage quite the thing
to take for walkies on a string.

Categories: General
  1. September 30, 2014 at 6:46 pm

    Bilbers, that is soo-oo sad…. 😦

  2. Bilby
    September 30, 2014 at 6:51 pm

    I knoooow, Janus! (sob) 😦

  3. September 30, 2014 at 6:57 pm

    I now feel quite distressed, BIlby. No more salami for me. 😦

  4. Bilby
    September 30, 2014 at 7:01 pm

    So sorry Ara. 😦

    But at least it’s not donkey salami, which would have been wurst.

  5. September 30, 2014 at 7:25 pm

    Very droll!

  6. September 30, 2014 at 7:31 pm

    Ich wollte auch weinen ….sob sob

  7. September 30, 2014 at 7:32 pm

    Dad ist auch mir wurst! πŸ™‚

  8. September 30, 2014 at 7:33 pm

    I wrote ‘das’ – aaaarrrgh!

  9. Bilby
    September 30, 2014 at 7:41 pm

    Yes, I know, Gaz, but he’s up there somewhere in the clouds, chasing dodgy, sorry doggy salami.
    Dry your tears.

  10. Bilby
    September 30, 2014 at 7:45 pm

    Ara has a different translation, something like “I want a sausage …sob sob”.

  11. Bilby
    September 30, 2014 at 7:46 pm

    I’m glad we’ve sorted that one out, Janus. πŸ™‚

  12. September 30, 2014 at 8:13 pm

    Hmm, well, Bilby, I did find you a perfectly acceptable phrase in Serbo-croat which rhymed just as well, and then everyone would have understood exactly what you meant. πŸ˜‰

  13. christinaosborne
    September 30, 2014 at 8:14 pm

    Brilliantly dreadful.

  14. christinaosborne
    September 30, 2014 at 8:14 pm

    Or, dreadfully brilliant!

  15. Bilby
    September 30, 2014 at 8:19 pm

    I know, Ara, but where’s the fun in that? πŸ™‚

  16. Bilby
    September 30, 2014 at 8:21 pm

    Whatever, Christina. Both made me smile.

  17. September 30, 2014 at 8:24 pm

    Or was it a Weinerschnitzel?

  18. Bilby
    September 30, 2014 at 8:37 pm

    Or, perhaps a crumb-coated Daschsund/Weinerschnitzel cross.

  19. September 30, 2014 at 9:21 pm

    G’day All – that’s Wiener Schnitzel acually. πŸ™‚

  20. Bilby
    September 30, 2014 at 9:28 pm

    Oops, thanks Bearsy. Now corrected.

  21. October 1, 2014 at 6:31 am

    Now I really must but in here guys. I was really impressed with Janus’s Weinerschnitzel as a great pun on Weinen (cry) as we had been discussing tears etc.
    Now you tell me it was a misinterpretation! A mistake! Janus, please tell me that Weinerschnitzel was deliberate…. πŸ™‚

  22. October 1, 2014 at 7:16 am

    Gaz, not only was it deliberate but I secretly expected the Pedant Police to ‘correct’ it! Sometimes they display embarrassing ignorance! So please would the mgt. re-correct the non-error. Danke sehr.

  23. Soutie
    October 1, 2014 at 7:19 am

    Morning all, while we’re at it, does ‘but in’ have one or two t’s?

    Just asking πŸ™‚

  24. October 1, 2014 at 7:19 am

    phew! My faith in you is restored πŸ™‚

  25. October 1, 2014 at 7:21 am

    Soutie….ok you got me there …

  26. October 1, 2014 at 7:30 am

    Eine lautes Himbeere, Janus. πŸ˜€

    Two, Soutie – as in goat. πŸ˜€

  27. October 1, 2014 at 7:38 am

    Bearsy, mate! DIE Himbeere, bitte! 😜

  28. Soutie
    October 1, 2014 at 7:45 am

    Morning Gaz

    Ara tells us it’s been 7 years! just for your info, a decision was obviously made all those years ago to never (or perhaps rarely) criticize the many mistakes that I made by the then members. I remember the one London based member with a love of cats ‘going off’ at me the once and he got a severe roasting, I’ve sort of enjoyed (and still do enjoy) a pedant’s holiday so to speak.

    It’s a privilege which I respect and appreciate greatly, I’d like to think that I’ve improved over the years even if I do still get the odd apostrophe wrong and other silly mistakes.

    I do enjoy people correcting my contributions, (how else would I improve?) but there is of course a ‘nice’ way and a ‘not so nice’ way to do it.

    Anyhow, having said all of that I’d like to think that I contribute in areas other than spelling, syntax and grammar!


  29. October 1, 2014 at 8:15 am

    Bilby I love it!

  30. Bilby
    October 1, 2014 at 9:31 am

    My apologies, Janus. I have re-corrected your comment and mine. Obviously, the joke went right over my head. Perhaps I should have stuck to Serbo croat! πŸ˜‰

  31. Bilby
    October 1, 2014 at 9:31 am

    Thank you, PapaG! πŸ™‚

  32. October 1, 2014 at 9:51 am

    Bilby, I sincerely hope that you win the competition……(then I won’t have to compete with you next month) πŸ™‚

  33. October 1, 2014 at 10:06 am

    Bilbers, I do both dog Latin and Hundedeutsch! 😷

  34. October 1, 2014 at 10:10 am

    I used to have a hairdresser named Godfrey Cutts. Herr Cutts , this is not a joke…well it is….but it is still true. πŸ™‚

  35. October 1, 2014 at 10:13 am

    Not Godfried then?

  36. October 1, 2014 at 10:14 am

    Gaz, you’ll like my old heating engineer colleague then – Berndt Plonka! πŸ™‚

  37. Bilby
    October 1, 2014 at 10:34 am

    I believe your hope will be unfulfilled, Gaz, See you next month! (oops, ‘this month’)

    I’m quite sure that both your dogs have impeccable pedigrees, Janus.

    πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

  38. O Zangado
    October 1, 2014 at 3:26 pm

    What is it with you, Bilby? You go quiet for days, weeks if not months at a time and then come up with a little gem like that.

    Which reminds me – Two very old jokes from Form V.

    “I must confess, Father. I have sinned. I am sunk in the depths of depravity, to whit bestiality.”

    “God will forgive you, my son, when you confess your sins, but consider this, how low can you sink?”

    “Well, so far, about a dachshund.”

    And later,

    “Father, I need your advice. I am now sunk in the deeper depths of depravity, namely sadism, necrophilia and bestiality. My question is, Am I just flogging a dead horse?”

    Coat! Taxi!


  39. Bilby
    October 1, 2014 at 4:23 pm

    I didn’t think anyone had noticed, OZ, but let’s just say I’m a slow writer. Anyway, thank you. πŸ™‚

    As for the jokes, you are a very bad wolf, but I like you …

  40. October 1, 2014 at 4:57 pm

    Oh yes we had, Bilbers. πŸ˜†

  41. Bilby
    October 1, 2014 at 5:30 pm


    (I can only see a little square at the end of your comment, Janus. What does it mean, pray tell?)

  42. October 1, 2014 at 6:12 pm

    Well it’s supposed to be smiley thingy but Apple probably screwed it up! :.(

  43. Bilby
    October 1, 2014 at 6:18 pm

    Thank you, Janus, and a reliable smiley thing for you. πŸ™‚

    There are similar things in the Other Place, so perhaps my browser doesn’t see them as they should be, or something …

  44. O Zangado
    October 1, 2014 at 6:36 pm

    May I draw my cherished colleagues Janus and Gazoopi to one of the best comedy lines ever to escape the watershed


  45. October 1, 2014 at 9:59 pm

    OZ: A German friend of mine Dr. George Sick is a private pilot. Whenever he requests a landing he says, in English of course.
    ” Request first available runway, pilot is Sick”. It often works.

  46. October 2, 2014 at 6:14 am

    OZ – brilliant!
    LW – A sick joke πŸ™‚

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