On Your Mark! Get Set! Don’t Blow!

In case you missed it, the upcoming Weegie Commonwealth Games Opening Ceremony ran into a wee bit of controversy recently. Obviously, we in Caledonia were never going have anything like the same amount of money as the reactionary Westminster junta gave to the 2012 Olympic Games. A classic example of our being starved of proper funding by the English oppressor.

We were having to make do with a miserly £14m out of the pittance which the UK Government grudgingly doles out to us. Our Great Leader has now managed to increase that to £21m, presumably by cutting back on his utterly justifiable and reasonable expenses at great personal sacrifice.

Anyhow, with such a tight budget, the Organising Committee came up with a cunning plan to save on fireworks. They decided to incorporate the live demolition of  some of the high rise Council flats which were such a source of civic pride to Glasgow when they were built in the 1960’s. The organisers thought it was a truly ‘gallus’ idea and it was welcomed by the SNP Minister for Sport and by the Great Deputy Leaderene, the Blessed Nicola  Sturgeon.

Not any more they don’t. The plan has been pulled as a result of public protest and the Great Leader has performed his usual smooth U-turn on the proposed demolition. I have to say that I am with the protesters on this one. It was a truly crass idea.

As were the high rise flats themselves. Yet another failed Socialist experiment. Well-intentioned no doubt but just wrong

Some visionaries said this at the time. The children of the tenements which the flats replaced were used to their mothers throwing down their pieces to them so that they would not have to run upstairs from playing in the street to get them. They realised that this would be a lot more difficult in said high rise flats and a protest song was penned.

    The words

The Jeelie Piece Song (Skyscraper Wean)
(Adam MacNaughton)

I’m a skyscraper wean, I live on the nineteenth flair,
But I’m no gaun oot to play ony mair,
Since we moved to Castlemilk, I’m wasting away,
‘Cause I’m getting one less meal every day.

O ye cannae fling pieces oot a twenty-story flat,
Seven-hundred hungry weans will testify to that,
If it’s butter, cheese or jeely, if the breid is plain or pan,
The odds against it reaching earth and ninety-nine to one.

On the first day my maw flung out a piece o’ Hovis brown.
It came skyting oot the winda and went up insteid o’ doon,
But every twenty-seven hours it comes back into sight,
‘Cause my piece went into orbit and became a satellite.

One the second day my maw flung me a piece oot once again.
It went and hit the pilot in a fast, low-flying plane.
He scraped it off his goggles, shouting through the intercom:
`The Clydeside Reds have got me wi’ a breid-and-jeely bomb!’

One the third day my maw thought she would try another throw.
The Salvation Army band was staunin’ doon below.
`ONWARD, CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS’ was the piece they should have played,
But the oompah-man was playing a piece-on-marmalade.

We’ve wrote away tae Oxfam to try and get some aid,
And a’ the weans in Castlemilk have formed a “Piece” brigade;
We’re going to march to George’s Square, demanding civil rights,
Like `Nae Mair Hooses Over Piece-Flinging Height!’

9 thoughts on “On Your Mark! Get Set! Don’t Blow!”

  1. Hello Mr Mackie, you running dog of capitalism and English imperialism. Thank you for the song. I suspect one of Scotland’s gravest problems is that socialism has been fed to generations there like mother’s milk. Not crimson socialism of the Soviet or North Korean variety, but the pinkish hue of France or Italy which leaves economies dysfunctional but the population too dependent to easily break away.

  2. Morning JM, very entertaining.

    I’m no fan of opening ceremonies, I, and most people I know, never watch them, complete waste of time and money which could be better spent on the sports themselves.

    IPL tomorrow, no doubt the organizers will attempt to blitz us with some Bollywood extravaganza, I couldn’t care less, bring on the cricket!

  3. JM, what sublime irony! After the referendum, Scotland may jeopardise its Commonwealth status altogether by trying to cherrypick the terms of membership. Aye to HM the Queen and the princess Royal, nay to the PoW and his groupie, etc.

  4. I saw these tower blocks in the flesh/brick last week and thought what a lot of dust would be created when they were demolished. Stupid idea, which could have given rise to lots of law suits for breathing difficulties. I love the song, but now Castlemilk is all gentrified and known in Glasgow as Chateaulait. So the jeely piece will have to be transformed into “pain au chocolat”, which is what we were given for “gouter” at school. Not the flaky croissant version, but a little bread roll with a slim bar of chocolate.

  5. In case no one has noticed – I’m a fully-paid up Philistine where sport (and other such activities) are concerned.

    Surely 21m (or even 14m) could be better spent elsewhere? Like building homes that people can and want to live in.

  6. I know LW. The problem is that people now want bread, circuses, houses and everything else – they don’t seem to realise that the only pot of gold that any government has got is mine, yours and theirs. 🙂

  7. I’d have thought demolishing the flats would have been a damn sight more entertaining than watching some bloody drivelling rubbish in a stadium.
    I’m with Bo, forget the stupid games in their entirety and spend the money on new homes for the indigenous.
    Nobody gives a tinker’s cuss who can run in a circle quickest!

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