Pyromaniacs delight!

Sometimes, you really do get what you actually wish for!

I have spent ten years here in this house regarding the shack next door with great disfavour every time I set eyes on it.  It was built illegally, not up to code and has spent its life being rented by some pretty scrofulous peasantry with poor credit records, savage dogs and half witted female companions.  Some idiot judge allowed it to be grandfathered in to the irritation of the County who wanted it demolished.  But finally nature has had its way.  Condemned by the County, deemed unfit for human habitation due to leaking roofs, black mould, insufficient drains and God knows what else, it has finally had its day!


It was decided by the builder who purchased it that it wasn’t worth repairing and the only route was to destroy and rebuild. Now then, round here if you have anything to destroy the Fire Department generally likes to play, (aka training).  There is a general shortage of houses to burn for fun and games, they always burn the meths ‘cook’ houses but there aren’t THAT many of those in the County.

As you can imagine, the chance was grabbed with open arms.  I knew they were going to burn it and I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.  So I rang the Fire Chief of the area, long chat later and an admission of continual need to commit arson for a decade, he said that he would let me know and that I could ‘help’!

Friday night a phone call,” We’ll be there tomorrow”, right said I, “Drop in for coffee!”


They all duly arrived, several fire engines which they parked on our neighbours airstrip, a Tardis loo and a tent for lunch!  All mod cons!!  Chief Baar came across and insisted that at some point I should come and help set fire to the bloody place.  I had told him about the dreadful tale of their psycho pitbull that ate one of my terriers years ago, yes ATE, not just killed!  Frankly I was all set to burn the place down with that set of tenants in situ!!!


They spent the morning setting fire to the place and putting it out.  They hacked holes in the roof and rescued each other and a fine old time was had by all.


Splendid pillar of smoke there!  It did the heart good to see it.  Death to the wretched hovel!


Nothing like a congratulatory photo whist the roof is about to fall on you, I declare!

And now,  IT’S MY TURN!!!!!!!!!!


There is me setting fire to the front corner, egged on by an amused Chief Baar, can you just imagine that happening in the UK with their bloody elf and safety?  Totally wonderful, bloody A1!, just the ticket!Image



Die, die!


Gotcha! And an earthmover to boot to scrape up the scraps to burn as much as possible.

What an absolutely wonderful day.  There is an amusing postscript to this, whilst I was playing pyromaniac whooping and cheering torching the place we had a viewing of the house!  Spousal unit blandly points out the whirling dervish setting fire to next door as his spouse to the poor prospective purchasers beset by hyped up devil dogs in triplicate, I think they may have been a tad surprised at the entertainment of the day, I don’t think we will be troubled by an offer by them I rather think they thought they had a sporting chance of being burnt in their beds if they came to live round here!

Another unlooked for treat, there is a second house to be torched behind this one, again adjoining our property.  We have offered to organise a fund raiser for the Fire District for those incipient pyromaniacs that like nothing more than to watch ‘burn baby burn’.  I rather think I am in Chief Baar’s good books.  We will let him have the marshmallow concession!

Author: christinaosborne

Landed on one side safely.

8 thoughts on “Pyromaniacs delight!”

  1. With your high profile predilection for wrath and vengeance I can understand this must have been an absolute hoot. Well done!


  2. Great story Mrs. O. and great pictures too.
    The rural areas here are served almost exclusively by Volunteer Fire Companies (VFC), they get very little or no government support. The money they need for equipment, protective clothing and operations they raise from the local community, the firefighters serve unpaid, and with the consent of their employers leave work to answer fire calls on a 24 hour basis. Consequently they are part of the the “glue” that holds small rural communities together. Nowadays quite few firefighters are women who pass the same physical test as men, not easy when the protective clothing, tools and air tanks weigh up to eighty pounds. They always have the best crab and oyster feasts and fish fries in this area.

    Looks like you had three or more companies to your burn, Chief Baar (always a white hat for the chief) and his guys in black and two brown suited teams, the yellow stripes look like a VFC (name on the tail of the coats) the orange stripers look like Forest Service Uniforms.

  3. LW we have the same system here, most of these were young lads and a couple of girls. Yes there was more than one unit, they generously shared it round the county.
    The financing is as you say, which is why I suggested a fund raiser for the other burning. After all, with these wooden houses it is extremely unsafe to live more that ten minutes from a fire station round here which means endless duplication of expensive machines. We don’t have conventional ambulances we have paramedics allied to the fire dept. I have been attended by a paramedic some years ago dressed up as a fireman! Truly bizarre!
    We cannot sell tickets but we may ask for suggested donations and sell hot dogs (edible ones!) If advertised properly I’m sure we can raise them a few bucks from wannabe pyros!

    Glad you all enjoyed the story, I had the best fun in years!

  4. (Boa, while Christina is busy in the kitchen, I’d like to propose that you institute a ‘Post-of-the-month’ award – to be named the POMS. First nomination: this post! 🙂

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