Quite a few of the emails I receive have Hi as their subject. They are usually from friends, catching up on this and that. sometimes they are from people I know less well and the Hi can seem a little inappropriate. I mean, Hi is a sort of familiar, light-hearted way of greeting someone. You wouldn’t expect a message from your bank manager or GP to be addressed this way. At least not unless you knew them very well and it was some sort of relaxed and friendly communication. Tone and register are important clues as to the seriousness, or not, of a message.
You get my drift I hope.
So when a message arrived in my inbox from the sheltered housing scheme where my mother lives with Hi as the subject I thought it was going to be something minor or run of the mill. Maybe to tell me her supplies are running low and it might be a good idea to put in a grocery order with Sainsbury’s in the next few days, or something of that sort.
This is what I read:
Hi Isobel ,
Just to let you know your mum drunk some multi Purpose cleaner from her flat xx rang the drs and she has to drink lots of water but there is no need to worry as a result of this we have removed her box with all the cleaning products in and it is being stored in a cupboard near by .
Regards
Fortunately, I don’t suffer from hypertension or I might not be here now. I reckon my adrenaline levels shot up to an all time high by the time I’d read to end of line one, and then hung around upsetting my system with nothing useful to do from the end of line two until teatime when I stopped hyperventilating.
Obviously XX isn’t the staff member’s real name. None of them is, at least so far as I’m aware, a member of the Black Panther movement (East Anglian Branch). Actually none of them is black.
But I digress. I did have a word with the manager. He’s aware that the writing skills of his staff are somewhat uneven, so in addition to raising their game with regard to care and support of residents, he’s also trying to help them compose more appropriate emails.
I’d say he’s got his hands full.
Boadicea's Chariot 
For heavens sake, Isobel, I’m relieved your mother is OK, but what an email! I would have thought that such an incident would have at least warranted a phone call, not a chatty, “Hi Isobel”. Quite unbelievable.
Dear Mrs Landcat,
I am writing to inform you I found your recent blog post most interesting as it raises that new chestnut of identifying appropriate forms of address when using the new fangled internet communication routes.
I feel this issue needs to be addressed with the utmst urgency
yours sincerely
Mrs P Nym 🙂
I do hope she’s OK after that awful incident.
Dear Mrs Soandso was the correct form and from the management not the hired help!
Personally I would consider moving her.
I detest this use of Christian names. It is a gross impertinence, I make a point of never responding to calls of Christina in doctors offices etc. After they have called 3-4 times and come up to me, I look up and say brightly “Oh, I never hear anything but my name, Mrs.XXXXXXXXXX.
Sometimes, just sometimes someone gets the message.
Good grief Isobel, I agree with Araminta. News like that should have come from the manager and preferably not in an email!
Hope she is fine and not suffering any ill effects. Stiff drink for you, I think!
Thanks both.
She’s a bit upset, but not about the cleaning fluid. I don’t think she’s aware she drank anything she oughtn’t. She was repeating her worries about money and that she’s sure she’s going to be evicted. I think that her increased anxiety levels probably mirror those of the staff who are encouraging her to drink more when they are there and are, I hope, spending more time with her.
Janh1 – water for me too. I’m off alcohol for Lent. Looking forward to Mothering Sunday as that’s the day it’s allowed!
They phoned me after I had emailed back.
Christina, I’m rather with you on that one. A doctor once called for me as i-so-bel, rather like isobar, but my mother likes being called by her first name. I think they should ask her first, out of politeness. But it does grate with me when they refer to her as mum. I have to bite my tongue to stop asking sarcastic questions about our close relationship.
I have considered moving her, but on the whole she is happy. She has dementia and the familiar counts for a lot. The previous (hopeless) manager has been given the push and the acting manager is trying very hard to get the staff to work as a team and intelligently. Unfortunately, under the previous regime some of the best staff left as they could not bear working with the manager.
Yes, a dreadful problem with dementia, carry on with gritted teeth!
You have my empathy over the isobar incident, my second name is Cleone as in the ancient Greek, always comes out as clone!
I fix them with the basilisk eye and say no, like Ariadne, Persephone, Ione, Cleone!
Gets the buggers everytime.
Very worrying really how vestigial is the original education of professionals.
One wonders how well they know their own subject!
And as you know, I regularly spell your first name incorrectly!
ISobel; Unbelievable! What an incompetent way to tell you such a thing had happened. Hope your mum is okay now though. I live in fear of my kids gulping down bleach or fabric conditioner. I once found Thomas sitting in te middle of a pile of washing powder that he had emptied out on the kitche floor, and rang NHS direct ina panic. THey were reassuring – they basically said, well he’s not foaming at the mouth, so don’t panic. But I did; Bad Mother…(;
Isobel – Firstly I too hope your Mum is well. I would also hope that Mrs. P. Nym wouldn’t finish a real-life communication to you with a smiley thing, though I do recognise the deliberate irony therein. I still punctuate my fone txt messages FFS! 😦
OZ
Thanks Claire and OZ.
My mother is ok, it seems she didn’t drink much – I imagine it tasted pretty ghastly -but she is sensitive to atmosphere even when she doesn’t understand due to deafness and dementia, so she’s picked up that something is amiss and is quite anxious. Her default mode for anxiety is to worry about money, so she’s worrying about paying bills, and not getting to the bank.
My neighbour’s niece ate a washing-up powder tablet and NHS Direct said more or less the same thing.
Mym: I have only just got the Landcat name. Am a bit slow. I used to work with a woman whose surname was Molinari. She had her purse stolen and reported it at the police station. After taking her name, the desk policeman turned to her and began, ‘Now Miss Nari…’
I’d be jumping up and down! As others have said here, you should have received a phone call immediately. Incredible. I’d also be asking why the cleaning fluids hadn’t been removed before your mother drank them. I would have thought that they constituted a hazard to anyone suffering with dementia.
Reminds me of the time my parents cleared my grandmother’s flat. She was of the generation who recycled everything from bits of string, brown paper and old bottles. My father found a port bottle in the kitchen cupboard and decided that he’d have a quick nip to fortify himself for the rest of the job – it was bleach.
As to the name – I don’t have a problem here with people using my first name, since they always ask first, and even the doctors expect to be called by their first names. But I do mind in the UK, where the courtesy is not reciprocated. What really bugs me is that I tell people my surname, I spell it, and then say it again and 99 times out of hundred they still get it wrong.
Hi Boadicea
The issue it raises is that my mother is thirsty. If she had had enough to drink she would not have sought out the cleaning fluids bottle. So one good thing should come out of this, that is that staff will no longer ask her if she wants a drink, they will make one for her. If she leaves it, fine, but she needs to be provided with more drinks and snacks.
This is something i’ve been going on about for quite a while.
Believe me, I have done more than my share of jumping up and down!
Never mind ‘Hi’. I think informing you by email was inappropriate.
Hi
bloody hell
Tee hee, about the name, Mrs Landcat- just a joke, but I worried I may have offended you, given the seriousness of the blog. Glad I haven’t. (And glad that OZ saw the smiley thing as an ironic gesture.)
I’m relieved everyone else thinks this was an inappropriate way to tell me. I was pretty stunned.
Thanks for the comments.