O wad some power the giftie gi’e us …

October 4, 2015 10 comments

Anything to convince himself that he’s still important.  I hope you enjoy this, Christopher.


Next thing we know Salmond will  employ someone to throw a rotten haggis at him.  I suppose he expected everyone to know who he is and bow down accordingly. Now Alex, repeat after me “Sic transit gloria mundi” and then go and find someone to explain it to you.

Categories: General

Only when I laugh

October 4, 2015 21 comments

It’s the pain, doctor.

Where exactly, Janus?

Just here (pointing to heart).

And when do you get it?

Whenever I watch English teams play.

So it’s home-sickness then, the call from home?

No. That’s a sweeter feeling, like hearing I’m to be a grandpa for the 10th time.

Congratulations then! But back to the pain?

Yes. What’s the cure?

Get rid of the sports channels. Watch Danish tv. You’ll feel no emotion whatever and sleep extremely well. That’s the true meaning of ‘hygge’ (pron. hew- ga)!


October 1, 2015 24 comments


September 30, 2015 7 comments

Over in the Fens, at that inferior tech known among the cognoscenti as The Other Place, punting is under threat. ‘Elf and Softy are at work to render the extreme pleasure of messing about in flat boats totally anodyne.

If you have never tried navigating with the aid of a very long wet pole while standing on the rear end of an unruly craft, you can’t appreciate the sheer folly involved. A state of inebriation is the only guarantee of success – together with the presence of a beautiful young passenger of course, gazing admiringly at one’s prowess.

Punters henceforth will be breathalised before embarcation and warned that non-swimmers must wear life-vests. Water allegedly is…..well, wet and speeding (are you kidding?) is dangerous for all river users.

So my advice is decamp toute suite to the Cherwell, where no holds are barred and the age of waterborne chivalry is alive and risky as ever.



September 29, 2015 41 comments

Hi All,

I know that many of you on here also have one eye on MyT, and many, maybe all, have originated from there.

This is just to let you know that I am leaving MyT for good. I will delete my account today.
I have been observing how the different people react and have seen that it is no longer a place for me.
Over the last few days I decided to have a real go at Helpmaboab, one of the most ignorant,  and try to show him how it feels to be continually hounded the way he does it to others, but instead he just lapped it up. He actually thrives on disgusting comments and insolence. There is a group of likeminded people who dive immediately to his defence regardless of what he writes. All the sniping leaves me feeling rather cold.

Despite these comments I think that I am also a great part of the problem. I react very strongly to insults and bad behaviour, rather than ignoring it. My reaction is often seen as being just as bad as they are. I am quite ashamed at the comments I have written recently, trying to persuade them to act properly. It is strange, but I have never once had a negative discussion on the Chariot.You all act and speak similarly to the way I was brought up.

Is it simply because here you are all more civilised? I guess so. (I hope so)

So, I will stay with the Chariot, for as long as you will have me.

Why am I telling you all of this? Ask me something simpler.

Categories: General

Supernatural omens??

Over the weekend, two events indicated that the natural order of things had gone awry. Do these indicate a supernatural phenomenon, or is there a more rational explanation?

Firstly, the Welsh beat the English at Twickenham in the Rugby World Cup. Most unnatural. Secondly, at about three o’clock in the morning, the moon appeared in the sky to have turned dark red and was exceedingly dim.

The first is explained by the fact that the Welsh played the game and the ref better than the English.

The second was explained by the phenomenon known as Corbynisation!!!

Categories: General

Dave’s day

September 28, 2015 4 comments

Pigs and flies take on a whole nuther dimension. But hey! Who hasn’t been embarrassed by reminders of student indiscretions? I know Backside has.

And luckily for Dave, Rebekkah is back in town, ready I’m sure to rejoin his Cotswold country supper set. Lol. So look out for more local goss, old chap.

Meanwhile the arch chav, Jerry, can’t help little Nicola with her CND revival, but ironically gives the Scottish labourites some ammo to fight her with. (Sorry about the preposition at the end there, Boris.)

And over in NY NY Dave’s leading the Syrian Peace Corps, with the help allegedly of our new mates, Iran, and Putin, suddenly everyone’s best friend.

More pigs and flies, Dave? Probably.

Living With Han Part 7 — Get stuffed, tosser!

September 25, 2015 22 comments

Three weeks ago work started. In three weeks many things have changed. Strangely, I enjoy working with children. They’re sweet in a terrifying, Lord of the Flies sort of way. We have to come to terms with each other and it seems that I’m adjusting more quickly and effectively than I had previously thought possible. Yes, this includes my acting like a monkey with the able assistance of a six-year-old in front of class.I like them and they like me.

Read more…

Categories: General

Alles ist nicht in Ordnung

September 24, 2015 19 comments

How could VW engineers ever imagine they could hoodwink the American market with fake emissions results?

If ever there was an example of the mighty falling, this is it! VW Group ads here recently have even managed to underline their leadership with ‘Germans do not make jokes’ – a tag-line that I suspect is now verboten.

The auto industry worldwide struggles with recalls but this is surely the biggest b*ll*ck ever dropped. Quite a feat for a firm to lose market value worth $20 bn – or twice the total value of the French rival Peugeot!

Ziz is ze Wnterhorn of our discontent, nicht Wahr? Hehehehe

The first tv commercials

September 22, 2015 19 comments

Backside et moi, we were 12 sixty years ago when ITV first appeared, gracing our 12″ b & w telly.

I recall ads for the TV Times – a household must now, with two national channels!

Otherwise which brands stick in the furthest recesses of the old memory? Cigarettes. ‘You’re never alone with a Strand.’ Was that on the box? ‘You’ll wonder where the yellow went, when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent!’ That was. Hamlet cigars. Black Magic chocs. And probably some more when I’ve had a couple of pints.

What do you remember? 😏


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