Category: General

You’re gonna love this, I did 😉

“you lazy slob, go getta job”
Brilliant!
🙂

OK. These are the ones I have as of 8.40. Let me know if I’ve missed anyone :

Groucho (aka O Zangado): https://boadiceaschariot.wordpress.com/2010/07/24/10865/

Araminta: https://boadiceaschariot.wordpress.com/2010/08/08/the-royal-streaker/

Megadeth Royalist: https://boadiceaschariot.wordpress.com/2010/08/08/tidal-wave-august-creative-comp/

Pseu: https://boadiceaschariot.wordpress.com/2010/08/09/cupboard-love/

Mr. Mackie: https://boadiceaschariot.wordpress.com/2010/08/10/the-arab-bus-to-bethlehem-christmas-1981/

Bilby: https://boadiceaschariot.wordpress.com/2010/08/10/clones-a-very-short-story/

Janus: Comment #9 on https://boadiceaschariot.wordpress.com/2010/08/08/message-to-ferret-bilby-araminta-and-you-know-who-you-are/#comment-28699

Annabel sat at her dressing table in her new underwear and stockings and artfully applied cosmetics to her face.  She was aiming for a natural look, which took some time to achieve. A sinfully expensive, cream silk frock lay waiting, draped across a chair, elegant, beautiful and sexy in an understated way.  She thought about which scent to wear and decided on something light and barely there. Certainly not her husband’s last rather pungent gift, which remained unused and privately labelled ‘Bats Guano’.

Continue reading “Clones – A very short story”

The average man is a conformist, accepting miseries and disasters with the stoicism of a cow standing in the rain.
Colin Wilson

Goodnight everyone, sleep well.

I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.

I thought that maybe if I acted ‘Crazy’ then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who’s blonde) asked me what I was doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was ‘Crazy’ and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, ‘What in the name of good GOD are you doing?’

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, ‘You are clearly stressed out.’ Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.’

I jumped down and walked out of the office…

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, ‘..And where do you think you’re going?!’

(You’re going to love this….)

She said, ‘I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.

Barbra Streisand – Send in the clowns

Yesterday I visited my brother and his family. He has since last year become a grandfather and his grandson was there.

Nice little chap, about ten months old, and generally quite smiley. I did the ‘normal’ sort of stuff – you know: ‘doesn’t he look like xxx’, and waved and smiled… and carried on with the conversation.

Then he started to moan and wail. At that point the procedure of ‘pass the parcel’, or in this case, ‘pass the baby’ began and it was suggested that I might like to try to ‘quieten’ him. All I wanted to do was to escape into the garden to admire the gooseberry bush,  the flowers – well just about anything to escape the noise. I had to explain, as I do so often, that I really do not like picking up and cuddling other people’s babies at all. I’ve tried to do it to be polite, but it’s fairly obvious that I’m not comfortable, so long ago I decided to be honest and up front. Bring them along when they are walking and talking, but even then do not expect me to go ‘dewy-eyed’ and cuddle them…

So, there we were in Jerusalem at Christmas and what are you going to do?  Jocks and  keenly aware that we all had at least one relative who would never forgive us if we didn’t do Bethlehem. Mrs M. had her granny and I had three Highland maiden aunts.  Alexanderina (Ina), Christianina (Chrissie) and Hugh Ellen. (Huellen).

To explain, Grandad had promised all his brothers that he would name his children after them but Granny kept producing daughters apart from Uncle John and my Dad. Mary was the first-born and got away with it and also got married. My other paternal aunt, the memorable and oft-mentioned Auntie Dolly (Donaldina), was as far away from being a maiden as it was possible to get and seriously irreverent and irreligious with it. I knew that all I had to do was send her the usual filthy postcard to stay in her good books. I also knew that Ina, Chrissie and Huellen would be really hurt if I did not come through on the Bethlehem front. Continue reading “The Arab Bus to Bethlehem – Christmas 1981”