Author: Christopher-Dorset

The United States Armed Forces maintain a number of military bases in Germany as a legacy of the Second World War and the Cold War. Today there are far fewer of these installations than there were in the past and the remaining bases are also smaller. Almost as a favour to the local authorities the US happens to maintain a small military facility in the Eiffel, a rural region neighbouring greater Trier. This should not be taken as irony, the Eiffel region is relatively isolated and the local economy grew reliant on the US Armed Forces.

Continue reading “Living With Huns Volume something-or-another: the Yankees are coming!”

The weekend before Christmas, feeling somewhat guilty about not getting to it sooner, I walked down Christoph Straße in order to purchase my grandparents presents. My grandfather, an iconoclast in practically all matters, was rather difficult to shop for. Any material gift would be taken not as an act of kindness, but as being burdened by another bit of useless tat to add to his already uncomfortably large collection of tat. My blessed grandmamma was, as usual, far easier to buy a present for. A compulsive hoarder with a bitter sense of having wasted most of her 83 years, any unusual trinket she will appreciate. The search for a present for my grandfather concluded with the discovery of a small box of chocolates. For my grandmother, a Vietnamese coffee maker sufficed. My grandfather is not diabetic and he enjoys eating a piece of chocolate or two now and again. My grandmother has in recent months become overly fond of espresso and other strong coffees.

Continue reading “Living With the Huns V: Yuletide a la Hun”

I quite like Luxembourg’s airport. It is small but incredibly efficient. Perhaps the longest that I have ever had to wait to clear security was 5 minutes. More often than not, my suitcases are on the belt before I arrive. While not especially “friendly”, Luxembourgers rarely are, the staff do their jobs efficiently and there are rarely difficulties. Arguably the only really “negative” thing about the airport is that there is only a limited choice of carriers. Usually, this is not a problem. Luxembourg Airlines is one of the nicer regional airlines. Usually priced competitively, they provide an excellent product to customers. This time, however, I made the slight error of choosing to take a different airline because of better flight times. That is, I flew with KLM via Amsterdam to Copenhagen. Continue reading “A Weekend at the Vikings’”

My cherished fellow Charioteers,
in April I will spend two weeks in the British Isles
before returning to California for roughly two months.
Having found Hunland increasingly unpalatable, and with my
job still based in California, a long working holiday
seems to be in order. That, and I have to obtain records
in California required for a Chinese work visa. I will be
visiting England, Scotland, Northern Ireland and the Republic
of Ireland before flying from Dublin to San Francisco.
The dates for my times in the British Isles is 8 April to
22nd April. Because of this, I will not be travelling to Scotland
in January.

Flying over France left me hopeful. There was a fair amount of visibility and it seemed as if the weather would co-operate. Flying over the English Channel did little to break my mild streak of hope of seeing a bit of English coastline from the air. The grey, churning waters were clearly visible. My hope grew as time progressed and Davey’s Follies started appearing below, spin, spin, spinning in the wind. Quietly, gently I hummed “the Man of la Mancha” to myself as my small aeroplane flew over rows and rows of Davey’s Follies. Soon, I thought, I will see the English coast. The colour of the water started to change, more waves became apparent. My hope was rising in a sharp crescendo – the English coast in autumn! Suddenly, my Luxembourg Airlines Bombardier flew into a thick cover of clouds – grey, grey, white and then grey. A few minutes later, the pilot announced that we had started our final descent into London City Airport as the clouds broke and suburban South-Eastern England appeared beneath. “Oh, g-d, good old England” I thought.

The rest of my flight progressed nicely. We arrived in London half an hour late. Passport control was quick and painless – although it took a few minutes for my suitcase to arrive. After a 15-minute chinwag with two members of the Royal British Legion, I purchased my perquisite poppy and set out to see if Boadicea made it from Hove. Not seeing anyone, I purchased a single fare ticket and went to Waterloo Station. Having a few hours to spare, I walked to Westminster and explored the Houses of Parliament from the outside. Security was high and I heard a news-reader announce that the Jaguar that just drove through the gates was bringing Davey of Davey’s Follies’ fame to another session of wrecking the United Kingdom. I could not help myself humming “the Man of la Mancha” again, albeit slightly louder this time in response to the din of traffic.
Continue reading “A tremendous week.”

Good morning,
I just wanted to verify if our
planned gathering on Wednesday at London City Airport
scheduled for roughly 10:45-11:00 is still set.

Germany is a highly regulated country. No one has ever denied that. In fact, many wry observations have been made concerning the level of bureaucracy and regulation in the Federal Republic. Not too long ago, a woman at my health insurance company told me a joke about Germany: “Germany, your bureaucrats”. Part of this is cultural. Germans tend to see things in black and white. Germans also tend to prefer said black and said white to be as clearly delineated as possible.
This is also reflected in the German legal system. Forms and contracts in Germany tend to be quite succinct, especially when compared to those written in Common Law countries. The German Civil Code is very detailed and covers virtually every aspect of commerce and legally binding agreements. There is little point in outlining terms and conditions because any agreement would be subject to established rules and regulations.
Today, however, I spotted something which simply went too far. It being a cool day, I found it necessary to go to a convenience. After paying my obligatory 50-cent fee, annoying but tolerable considering that in exchange the convenience is clean and well-maintained, I saw an illustrated guide to adhering to regulations concerning how men may use a toilet. Yes, there are now regulations concerning which position men can be in while using a toilet. I am not entirely sure how they intend to enforce these regulations, but they have illustrated guides showing how to obey these regulations. We men must sit when urinating, not stand. I wish them the very best of luck in their attempts to persuade men to comply with this.

The Hun is a strange creature indeed. The stray example abroad might prove to be amusing, if not quite charming. This charm, however, rarely extends to the invasive hordes seen in parts of Spain and Italy in August. Observed in their native habitat, Huns are some of the more confusing creatures on earth.
Let us start our discussion of the Hunnish character in the context of humour. The Hun has a reputation for being humourless – a reputation that most Huns are fully aware of. Please allow me to tell you of an instance when this was made clear to me. Last Sunday, through an act of mass spite by the Deutsche Bahn proletariat all trains for the hour were cancelled. Trying to bide my time, I returned to kiosk at Trier Hbf for a second cup of coffee. The attendant, slightly bored due to light traffic, was more than willing to stop and chat. Our discussion eventually touched on jokes. A female Hun, also desperate to stave off boredom, had joined our little conversation a few minutes before. Thinking of nothing better to do, I told them the joke about the world’s shortest book being The Complete Collection of German Jokes. The attendant, clearly of West African extraction, had a laugh. Surprisingly, the Hun laughed loudest and thanked me for telling her a joke to add to her collection. German humour, it seems, tends to be highly situational. Perhaps not the best joke tellers, Huns still find humour in daily situations and make sport of what they can.

Continue reading “Living With Huns IV: the Hunnish Character”