Author: Christopher-Dorset

I am once again facing an uncertain future. I will teach my final class tomorrow in Huzhou. Their beloved American will arrive Saturday and can start teaching Monday which effectively makes me irrelevant. In order to assuage the concerns of Chinese contacts I agreed to at least grant a hiring agent an audience. It was supposed to be for a well-regarded boarding school in Zhuhai, just across a narrow strip of water from Macau. It wasn’t that at all. It was an agent for a Chinese firm that places language teachers with foreign nationalities with schools that need them. Despite my disgust I went along with it just to get it over with. No need to be rude to strangers, she didn’t mean any harm.

Continue reading “Decisions.”

“Tai Hu” is Chinese for “Great Lake”. It is a large lake in north-western Zhejiang Province and south-western Jiangsu Province. To the north is Suzhou, a place which in the past was known as the “Venice of the East” due to its many beautiful canals, merchant culture and fabulous wealth. The emphasis is “on the past” as the canals have largely been filled in and, other than for what has become in effect a motley collection of tourist traps, the grand houses and gardens of the past have been levelled to make room for generic neo-Stalinist concrete blocks. T0 the south is Huzhou, a city with just as rich a past as Suzhou but none of the glamour and fame.

Today the Huzhou manager visited me unannounced. The principal of the primary school ordered my transfer and replacement with a teacher currently in southern Zhejiang Province. The order was not a dismissal nor was it based on character or ability. Most students and teachers have mentioned that they simply thought that I was in the wrong position although they recognised that I was sincere in my efforts. The Huzhou manager offered me a choice of schools — high schools an universities — located throughout China and hinted that a pay rise would be acceptable to the company as a manner of apology for the inconvenience caused.

I gave them an ultimatum. They could send me to any of the following places:

1. Kaohsiung, Taiwan.
2.  Taitung, Taiwan.
3.  Tainan, Taiwan.
4. Hong Kong
5. Japan.

Should none of these locations be remotely possible I requested that my contract be paid out in full to the end of the original year and arrangements for my repatriation to Europe be made. They offered me anywhere, anything else in China — anywhere from Jilin in the frozen norths of Manchuria to Zhuhai or Shenzhen, the last towns on the former Sino-Lusitanian and Anglo-Chinese frontiers respectively. I re-iterated my conditions: Taiwan, Hong Kong or Japan. I will not be subjected to this degree of back-biting, back-stabbing, defamation and general incompetence with impunity.

Today I received an email. In it I was essentially told that I was incompetent, incapable and utterly unsuited for the position of ESL instructor. After under three weeks on the job I was told that I am not nearly experienced enough. I was told that my accent is entirely wrong. This information was entirely based on lies and distortions by a nasty, vindictive shrew of a peasant. If their attitude does not change I might well return to Europe from Taiwan and let them wallow in their own filth.

Three weeks ago work started. In three weeks many things have changed. Strangely, I enjoy working with children. They’re sweet in a terrifying, Lord of the Flies sort of way. We have to come to terms with each other and it seems that I’m adjusting more quickly and effectively than I had previously thought possible. Yes, this includes my acting like a monkey with the able assistance of a six-year-old in front of class.I like them and they like me.

Continue reading “Living With Han Part 7 — Get stuffed, tosser!”

One of the great joys of living in northern Europe is that life more often than not is predictable. Punctuality is generally considered to be a virtue and planning is a necessity. That sort of living is highly civilised. Even when plans change or things take a different course more often than not outcomes are still predictable. In China, in contrast, is as reliable as a Mexican jalopy maintained by an amateur African mechanic.

Continue reading “Living With the Han V: Ordnung Muß Sein!”

For people of pallor China is a paradise for finding employment. They’re not necessarily the best jobs they are jobs. Competition for candidates is so fierce that even defective candidates can easily be placed. In urban centres of any size Europeans, Antipodeans and North Americans under forty seemingly can’t walk for ten minutes without receiving at least three job offers. Huzhou being relatively small I’ve escaped this exercise in tedium. Then again, I’d actually need to leave my flat to be seen and in the past weeks that’s been too much to ask. Problems arise when the Chinese assume that they can treat Westerners in the same way they treat Chinese. In China, the massive population allows for employers to treat employees like rubbish and arbitrarily change their wages. It is not unheard of for employers to not pay all wages. An acquaintance, a Briton who teaches in another province, told me the story of an American he heard of who was not paid for the last two months he worked. They only finally paid him after he threatened to smash all the windows at their school.

Continue reading “Augen Zu”

I woke up last night with a start. I wasn’t sleeping that deeply anyway – the construction site across the street was once again going through the night. Bang! Bang! Bang! Beep! Beep! Beep! Crash! Boom! Clang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Once again I was sleeping on the floor. The rusty springs on my “mattress” have collapsed further giving anyone sitting or lying on it the feeling of being sucked into quicksand. There was something crawling over my foot, something small and light but very strong, cold and hard. I pull my feet in and, illuminated in the faint light pouring in through the window; saw a two-inch-long brown cockroach. I rushed across the room to get a broom and dustpan and promptly sent it flying into the night. I was dripping with sweat. It wasn’t especially warm last night – the low 70s. I’ve been sweating profusely recently. My thin, cotton nemakimono was soaked.

Continue reading “Living With the Han V: not my type of midnight snack.”

I often wondered about the person who arranged for me to go to China. He is in some ways a remarkably kind person. He’s a loyal, patient and forgiving person who tries to do the best he can. At the same time he can be almost unbelievably dense. Some people grasp subtle points, some people need to be spoken to bluntly. This particular chap needs to have points beaten into his thick skull brutally, painfully and for extended periods of time. Tone and rhetoric so violent that it would prove insufferable to a rational person for 2 minutes barely makes an impression after an hour with him. This hard-won impression, much to my regular chagrin, often proves fleeting. For the longest time I thought that this was simply a sign that he had a mild form of autism and should be, in that context, forgiven. I can now conclusively say that this has less to do with any sort of spectral disorder and more to do with being Mainland Chinese.

Continue reading “Living with the Han IV: There Are Ways…”

My German mobile works in China. Even the original German SIM card works. This is a relief. I was involved in an hours-long argument, often heated, over whether I should purchase a smartphone in the People’s Republic. As a rule I refuse to do such a thing. I enjoy being detached and unreachable. I spend enough time on computers for work purposes. There is no need to have a miniature computer with me at all times. Never-the-less, I consented to purchases a Chinese SIM card. My Chinese teratoma’s father lives and works in Huzhou and agreed to help me buy one. Communication was difficult due to his very limited English and my lack of desire to learn Chinese. SIM card duly purchased, he drove me to a friend’s company for tea.

Continue reading “Living With the Han 3: What Were They Expecting?”

I had a bad day at work. More on that later. Until then, this.

http://www.songlyrics.com/radwimps/order-made-lyrics/