As the saying goes, it’s not cricket

This is a non-controversial blog about cricket. As Pete Such It won’t appeal (not out) to female readers. Take a tea break ladies, Gareth battily, we do it all the time.

I’m Alan Knott trying to get rid of you. I love women. In all shape, form, substance, architecture, model, embodiment, chassis or any other taughtalotgicals. I’m not a misogynist ( big word for me and I know what it means). I respect women’s professional tennis and strong female singers like Cristina Scabbia and Floor Jansen. This is about dull old cricket and won’t interest you.

All right guys, I think I got rid of them. This has to be said. What’s going on with the Wisden cricket Almanac this year? Of the annual five cricketers of the year award three of them were women. 3/5! And one of them is on the cover!!!

Let’s not Straight bat this. Women’s cricket is as honking as the T20  paso-doble trumpet sound (why does that’ll always get an afterward cheer?)  as is women’s football for that matter. (The less said of golf or rugby the better because the men’s version of these are c*****)

So how did three Chris Crystal Gayle’s manage to be honoured? Was last year’s men’s vintage a bad Pieterson crop? Coral Island’s donkey derby! Shrubsoley a Lancashire player had a good season and could have made the high five. Liam Livingstone, I presume.

Whoa! Gather round leadership group I sense a distaff has sauntered past the Peter Moore’s button. Take extra cover, we could get slog sweeped.

24 thoughts on “As the saying goes, it’s not cricket”

  1. I think you really do need to take cover…
    … wait until Bearsy reads this!!

  2. I enlisted the google translate service but c***** stumped them. The answer to your conundrum is of course fine legs and not so silly points.

  3. Aye right, JW! But, totally wrong. The England Ladies’ win against India in the Wifies’ World Cup was genuinely thrilling. And quality cricket, in my opinion.

    I just hope that Caledonia ( stern, wild and all genetically or self identifying males, as far as I am aware) can get close to the Ladies’ standard this coming Sunday in Embra in our ODI against the Auld Enemy.

    Quietly over confident that we will gub England big time. Although, to be fair, it will probably get rained off as usual.

  4. Rain! What country you living in, JM??

    I was going to go to the ODI v the auld enemy only to find it falls on a Sunday when I’m working. Alas, Alad, Ababus.
    Just checked and apparently tickets sold out two months ago. Well played, Scottish cricket fans.
    Got a dilemma. Which team do I support? Hmm…

  5. See me, JW? Prescient or what? Not about the rain, to be fair, but I did get the result right – we seriously gubbed them by a whole 6 runs.

    Not that it was them or us. 4,000 cricket fans watching a great game. The majority were Jocks but that same majority were, undoubtedly, mainly people who support the England cricket team against any team in the world, other than Scotland. I have yet to meet a Scots cricket fan who has grown up playing and loving the game who does not default to supporting England when the Saltires are not involved.

    Doesn’t happen for rugby at all, as you may not know, being a damned non egg chaser. I also realise that I will be in the minority in Caledonia (stern and wild) when I cheer on the Auld Enemy, Russian World Cup-wise.

    You only had to watch the Jocklings running up to the boundary to get signatures from the England deep fielders to see the truth of our allegiances. Total respect for our Southron kith and kin and genuine appreciation of their skills including, for example, the warm reception for Johnny Bairstow’s century.

    Ruth Davidson was tweeting her support throughout the game and celebrated the occasion. Au contraire, wee Nicola choked out a perfunctory congratulation after the game had been done and dusted with the emphasis on the fact that ‘we’ won and ‘they’ lost.

    Says it all really. Long live the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and friendly rivalry between the constituent nations thereof.

  6. Not just by 6 runs, JM, but also by 5 wickets and a few balls to spare! First time ever at this level, too. Well done – a great match and a stupendous result.

    . . . and nobody had sandpaper in his pocket or down his trews!😎

  7. Aye weel, Bearsy. With two overs to go, the camera zoomed in on Chris Sole as he trudged back to his mark. Ball in his left hand but sort of across his right side. With his right hand he reached down towards his pocket and, I promise you, I had a bit of a frisson.

    Turned out he was adjusting his trousers and making sure they were secure, fastening-wise.

    Salivating about the England v Oz ODI series. Going to be seriously good, in my opinion. We may have given England a salutary ‘memento mori’ kick up the arse but I still think Australia (fair) is going to come roaring out of the traps and are well capable of giving more grief to the World Number 1 team.


  8. JM + Bearsy, really disappointed to have missed this live. Didn’t have the time to watch the full 8 hours on “tape”. Settled for channel 5 one hour highlights package which was unsatisfactory. Boundary after boundary was dull and repetitive. There was a lack of drama in this condensed format, especially during the run chase. In future I’ll have to find the 8 hours.

    Right up to the final overs I still hadn’t picked a favourite. A tie was a possibility. However, when I watched the winning LBW I smiled from ear to ear.

    As for the World Cup of football I’m going for my usual. The Netherlands. Oh, hold on a minute…

  9. Hi, JW. I’ve got a similar problem World Cup-wise. Once England go out, I usually cheer on i Azzurri but they’re not there either.

  10. Well, JW! I recommend you watch Denmark – if only because the crowd’s rendering of their national anthem will be unbeatable.

    I’m just about to watch Uraguay playing Egypt. Will Suarez see red? Will Kavani turn up? Very tense.

  11. I’ve always had a soft spot for the land of the Laudrups and wish them well. But I’m going for a different outsider-Croatia.

    Not all of us are retired , J, and the wonderful invention called a hard drive can record all the games. I’m just in and first on the menu is Uruguay v Egypt. Although you didn’t reveal the score you did use a few spoilers. There was a few guys on MYT that revealed the scores live. Can’t remember their names, one of them was called Lightsaber I think.

    I know you like infamy Janus but any more spoilers and I’ll have it infaye. (Insert half-time semi smiley face)

  12. ….but now I can tell you: the shy and retiring (maybe when he’s 40) C Ronaldo put Spain in their place.

  13. Morning J, that’s me up to date. Off work for 3 days so will watch the next 10 games live (also need to squeeze an ODI in). Luckily, Mrs W is a football fan so no family quarrels. She loved big Christine’s hat trick last night. I unsmiled.

  14. Gee, Officer Janus, you’ve done it again. Presently watching Bra v Swi at my earliest oppurchancity of the day/night. Thanks a bundle!

    JW, England in both Volgograd and Nottingham for me. Happy, of course, to have watched them getting gubbed in Bloemfontein yesterday. 5 defeats in a row and their Chariot is swinging at a new low – squabbling with their fans and walking out of interviews. I could not be happier. Mind, it might all be a clever ploy designed to lull us all into thinking that they have no chance of winning the World Cup next year.

    Which they won’t anyway, of course.

  15. “Thanks a bundle” pax no punches, JM. You really need to curse Rangers style like me. Sorry, in your case Heart of Midlothian style.
    “Craig Levein ‘s Lavvy” would have been good but “Donald Ford’s taking guard” would have been better.

  16. Abject sackcloth and Ashes, JM. I hate spoilers too. No more match reports from me, not never.

  17. Interesting that VAR – which is well-established in cricket, rugger and hockey – is now revealing just how widespread dirty tricks are in footie, with the VAR ref spotting multiple infringements that the on-field ref cannot. I imagine that the next scandal will be bungs to VAR refs!

  18. Hi Bearsy, I’m watching the Canadian T20 match between Toronto and Vancouver on FreeSports UK. Your old pal Steve Smith is currently 27 not out for Toronto. ( sorry for the spoiler, J)

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