A short article in today’s DT notes that most of us say ‘sorry’ if we bump into someone in the street.
I am a firm believer in W of W’s maxim that ‘manners maketh man.’ Good manners and politeness make up the oil that relieves the friction we generate as we bump along with each other in our daily rounds. I always open doors for ladies – even daleks – on the presumption that whoever is in the dalek suit is, in fact, female – give up my seat on public transport to mature ladies or those of a certain age, stand when ladies leave a table, or seat them on arrival…
I believe that all of these little courtesies tend towards making my social interactions that little bit better, and the same for those I meet in my everyday toils. If I’m on the tube in the rush hour and I give up my seat to a lady, it makes me feel good, it makes her feel good, and, who knows, I might get a nice smile to brighten my day.
‘Gentleman,’ seems to be a word that is losing currency, mores the pity, but I’m not giving up.
Boadicea's Chariot 
Me neither
You remind me of the Bulls / Sharks Super14 final (19/05/2007). The pub was packed, just before kickoff 2 very smartly dressed couples entered, they had been to a wedding, skipped the reception to watch the match. I immediately gave my stool to one of the ladies and nudged the black guy sat next to me (who I didn’t know) to do the same.
To my surprise he didn’t falter, immediately stood up and offered his chair.
We introduced ourselves and have formed a long and lasting friendship 🙂
I’ve not seen either of the couples since 😉
Nice one Soutie.
And Bravo I agree with you. – it all makes for a better day .
I was brought up to observe such pleasantries – my “prep school’s” motto was MMM, and my parents were of “the old school”. I still adhere to them, it’s who I am.
Nice to know that I’m not alone! 😆
Bravo – I expect all gentlemen Charioteers would do the same, especially for our fragrant Charioteeresses, but I fear we are a dying breed.
OZ
Bravo, here’s a test for your “gentlimanliness”. On having purchased a new jacket, would you lay it on a puddle for the safe passage of a lady?
TR: No, but I would offer to carry the lady over the puddle. You never know where that might lead 🙂
FEEG, you are awful. 🙂
While I entirely agree with your sentiments, I wonder how they are best introduced to each new generation. I know, despite occasional indications to the contrary, that I learned my manners by the constant ritual of ‘Say please’ .Say thank you. Don’t interrupt. I want gets nothing. Offer the plate before taking from it. Stand up when a lady walks into the room etc.etc’ Those terms were as oft repeated as the poems we had to learn or the Times Tables or the Holy Rosary, being the Catholic children that we were. Joking aside, I am not sure how easy it is for a child to learn how to behave simply by being told the rules occasionally. I think it really has to be drummed into them so that it becomes instinctive and not requiring thought. Certain things are best learned by rote, something the British Armed forces have known for a very long time. Sadly, so few people even know how to behave properly that they could not teach their children even if they wanted to. I am stunned by the number of people who I feel should know better, do not get up when a visitor enters the room.
It can be embarrassing though. When I first went to England, aged 18 and fresh from the unsophisitcated savagery of Rhodesia, I was invited to stay with my uncle and aunt in their very grand house in the country. At dinner we were invited to come and sit at the formally-laid dining room table. There were about 10 of us and I was the youngest. Just as we had all settled down, the door from the kitchen opened and an elderly lady came in carrying a tray of food. I immediately leaped to my feet to go and give her a hand. My very stern uncle had to bark at me to sit down while my aunt explained that the lady was one of the domestic staff and would be serving us. I suppose it is better to err on the side of courtesy even if it does demonstrate one’s lack of worldliness.
Sipu – There was a memorable scene in ‘The Addams Family’ between Morticia Addams and her wayward daughter, Wednesday (Ethel’s rôle model and pin-up heroine, unfortunately), at dinner.
Wednesday: “Pass the salt”
Morticia: “What’s the magic word?”
Wednesday: “Now!”
Dubbidy dum, bom bom. Dubbidy dum, bom bom. Dubbidy doo, dubbidy doo, dubbidy doo, bom bom.
OZ
Both Backside and I are also incurably old-fashioned. Unfortunately my informal survey of Vikingland suggests that the rule is ‘don’t even think about allowing space for fellow pedestrians, apologising for bumping into them or moving out of the main stream when stopping for discussions with friends’. People seem unaware of others! Similar self-obsession is exhibited in public eating places. Table etiquette is unknown here. Ditto on the roads. 😦
Bravo, when I smile nicely at courteous gentlemen, I usually get a charming smile from very attractive gentlemen in return. Makes my day! I don’t think you are a dying breed, however, since there are quite a few polite and considerate young men around still.
Both spousal unit, the boy and his father were all well mannered. So, strangely enough is the Pacific North West in general. I suppose being an old fashioned backwater things are more conservative all round in manners and fashions, but not politics. Community is very important to people here.
With 2 boys seemingly unaware of the personal space needed by others, especially on a pavement, my husband told them to imagine that walking on a pavement was a bit like a game of space invaders… avoid the other pedestrians, or risk an explosion. Seemed to work.
If Manners maketh man, what makes a woman?
Let’s not go there. It would make both of us blush.
I agree with the constant drilling. Started on the grandchildren and I make my Grandson practice on his little sister – when they’re not trying to remove random limbs from each other, or poke each other blind, or snatch each other bald, that is. (The granddaughter is the younger by two years, but what she lacks in weight she makes up for in sheer determination. It is not often that the boy does not retire in confusion before she gives up.) So it’s ladies first, don’t sit down before your sister, open the door for your sister, and if ever a request is made without the magic word, a hand cocked to the ear soon elicits an ‘Oops, sorry, please – and they also know the difference between ‘Can I?’ and ‘May I…?’
Of course, it helps that they are set a good example…
On drills, Sipu, I had occasion to handle an SLR (It’s a rifle, ladies,) a couple of months ago at the London Regiment drill hall. One of the younger soldiers asked if I knew how to strip it, since none of them did. It’s been, maybe 30 years since I last stripped one, so I took it a little hesitantly. Fortunately, you always know where to start, and once I’d proved the weapon safe, it just magically came apart in my hands. The young lads were mightily impressed – and so was I 🙂
Pseu, ‘What makes a woman?’ Patience 🙂
Snorts derisively!
Hi Bravo, as you know the SLR had a cocking lever on the left hand side which folded into the stock of the weapon. In Rhodesia, we used the original FN, on which the SLR was based. The FN’s cocking lever protruded and thus stuck into the rib-cage of soldiers during drill sessions. So, the powers that be decided that instead of being carried in the right shoulder, the FN would be carried in the left. For those who had never learned drill before, it made no difference, but I had spent 8 weeks at Pirbright and had trained under a drill instructor from the Brigade of Guards, so it was a little more complicated having to re-learn to do everything arse-about-face.
The FN, unlike the SLR, retained the fully automatic mode which was great fun to use in informal training session, but pretty ineffective in combat.
Sorry for my delay in commenting here…
I often use public transport in Brisbane – and I am impressed by the way all the youngsters (male and female) leap to their feet for older passengers. At the moment I’m in England – and am using the buses here. I cannot complain about the manners of the youngsters here either – they are every bit as courteous as their Ozzie counterparts. 🙂