Somebody showed me an article in the Metro yesterday. It was about a café in Oban that has one of those man v food challenges. You get your money back if you finish off their monster burger. Found a link to the enterprise. Here.
Ingredients:
1lb Aberdeen Angus steak burger
three chicken breast burgers,
six rashers of bacon
three fried eggs
two portions of chips
a stack of onion rings
a helping of homemade beef chilli
grilled onions
a mound of cheese
salad.
No one has yet completed the eating of the burger. As I won’t be going to Oban at any time in the near future I won’t be able to have a go. Previously, long ago in a galaxy far, far away I won a Kit-Kat eating competition against a fat guy. For me it was one of my greater achievements in life, especially as fatty was cheating. He was breaking the bars in two causing crumbs and making the biscuit lighter. I complained to the weights and measurements minister and was told to get on with it. I can tell you my palate was wrecked for a few days afterwards as all I could taste was Kit-Kats.
There’s no chocolate in the big burger so I’m at a disadvantage from the start. Nevertheless I have a few tips that could help in the devouring of the monster. Tasting the same thing can be a chore for your taste buds and put them in a slow first gear, therefore it would be a good idea to break the burger into constituent parts and chew a different item with every bite. For example, have a bit of steak, then a chip, then a slice of bacon, then a cheesy onion, another chip, a piece of chicken and so on and so forth. You’ll soon be making good headway.
Another plan is encompassed in one word: condiment. Flavouring the burger would make your mouth explode into an eating frenzy. There is nothing in the rules about using tomato sauce, mustard or pepper to turn the monster into a whopper. One day the big burger will be scaled. You may ask why. Because it’s there.
Boadicea's Chariot 
Such a thing would be an affront to Michael Hewitt (Joe Slavko’s) sense of decency and taste. He was a bon vivant and left such garish displays to “Shanghai”. His tree is coming along well. His dogs are fine.
Title changed.
JW, this is gross, but your post made me smile. 🙂
Do I spy plastic cutlery? No wonder people have problems eating that monster!
Not just the fact that it is plastic, but just see how he is holding it!
Yes. How low-caste of him.
JW, good evening.
Looks like a walk in the culinary park to me. Not a lot of deep-frying there at all.
Tell you what, As I settle down with hope in my heart to watch the mighty Jambos thrashing Liverpool in the first leg, I promise you that, if we beat them over the two legs, I will don the midge repellent and make my way west to Oban to take the challenge (and the photos to prove it).
And I promise to hold my cutlery properly when I do.
C’mon the Jam Tarts. Here we go!
Child’s play.
I’m not allowed to order these at one of my locals anymore¹….
My best time is 47 minutes².
The record however is 17 minutes by some guy from up country, respect!
I note that your offer has a measly 1lb of meat, ours of course is a kilo (that’s about 2.2lbs in your language)
We also don’t care if the cows are from Cowdenbeath, Phalaborwa or Alexandria, their nationality is no concern of mine.
¹ Unfortunately it’s 2 strikes and your out (i.e they wont let you order again)
² If you don’t finish in the required 60 minutes the cost is R230.00³
³ That’s about £20.00
I’ve some how managed to get a footnote in a footnote, my apologies 😉
Soutie – I’ll take the beer rather than coke any day and refer cherished colleagues to an earlier post,of mine Steak-tartare . A kilo of steak, especially raw, is a doddle.
On the other hand, has anyone else done ‘The Challenge’ at Harry Ramsden’s chip shop in Guisley, West Yorkshire? It’s basically a meat flat with chips (cooked in suet as chips only should be) and mushy peas at either end accompanied by the Piece of Cod that Passeth all Understanding. There is always a side plate of brown bread and butter for chip butties, a pot of tea and a dessert even though I don’t have a sweet fang.
Heaven!
OZ
Yeurch!
Anyone who attacks one of those deserves what comes to them.
Just for the record, Pseu, I still can (and do) wear clothes I bought thirty or more years ago. The fashion might be a bit iffy these days, but I’m still only 12 stone 6 lbs. 😀
OZ
What’s the cutlery got to do with it? Burger buns are meant to be eaten with bare hands. Squash both ends of the bun together, open mouth…wide and then dive right into it.
For the record, I still prefer Kit-Kats.
I’m sure you do OZ… but you wouldn’t eat that burger, and all those chips in one sitting….which in my estimation could probably feed a family of 6 quite adequately
Hmm. Clothes pre-’82. That sounds like bell-bottoms and flowery shirts. V chic. 🙂
Mornin’ all.
Pseu – I wouldn’t touch a commercial burger with a long stick. One multinational even advertises ‘flame grilled burgers and on the barbie flames lead only to a carbonised outside and a raw inside, as any fule kno.
Janus – You know damned well what I mean. 😀 Anyway, what’s wrong with a wide-ish lapel on a suit or a flowery shirt? If I wait long enough they’ll be back in fashion and I shall save a fortune on my wardrobe.
OZ