Home > General > A Reply to zenrule’s Second Latest Post (‘Blood Matters’)

A Reply to zenrule’s Second Latest Post (‘Blood Matters’)

Quite frankly, I am beginning to wonder why I make the effort to continue to post on this forum. It is becoming increasingly clear to me that the very most that I and other Jocks can expect hereon is cheap abuse and insults. This is particularly distressing to me when I am doing my best to preserve a Union in which I still believe with both heart and soul.

It goes without saying that I would not dream of retaliating by stooping to the same depths and telling anti-Sassenach jokes.

Don’t mind repeating good ones by other people, of course.

Still the best ever such joke on MyT, in my opinion, was by beanbean:-

“At last. They have found the missing chapter from the Book of Genesis.

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day resting. He enquired of God, ‘Where have you been?’

God pointed downwards through the clouds. ‘Look Michael, look what I’ve made’ said God. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, ‘What is it?’

‘It’s a planet,’ replied God, ‘and I’ve put LIFE on it. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a great place of balance.’

‘Balance?’ inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth,

‘For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot, and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I’ve placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people.’

God continued, pointing to the different countries.

This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.’

The Archangel, impressed by God’s work, then pointed to another area of land and and asked, ‘What’s that?’

‘Ah,’ said God. That’s Scotland, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful people, several top football teams, and many impressive cities; it is the home of the world’s finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers and politicians. The people from Scotland are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they’re going to be found travelling the world. They’ll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as speakers of truth.’

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, ‘What about balance God, you said there will be BALANCE!’

God replied very wisely, ‘Wait till you see the bunch of tossers I’m putting down South!’ ”

RIP Stefa.

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  1. February 8, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    With Stefa on your side, one need say no more, Mr Mackie!

    One of my favourite bloggers, and much missed.

  2. Boadicea
    February 9, 2012 at 6:31 am

    I am assuming that your tag ‘smiley things’ means that your opening sentence is an example of ‘Jockish’ humour. 🙂

  3. February 9, 2012 at 7:13 am

    “There was a soldier
    With good broad shoulder”

    Mr M, I trust that you are not seriously miffed by such nasturtiums as have been cast before you and your, I should say, our, noble race. Such petulance, if indeed it is petulance, is more customary amongst those who hail from younger, less mature nations. We true Britons, of whatever hue, for indeed we are of one kingdom, are made of sterner stuff. We laugh in the face of verbal abuse, for we know it is all based on envy.

  4. Janus
    February 9, 2012 at 7:45 am

    JM, as dear old Rudyard pointed out:

    “Oh, East is East, and West is West, and never the twain shall meet,
    Till Earth and Sky stand presently at God’s great Judgment Seat;
    But there is neither East nor West, Border, nor Breed, nor Birth,
    When two strong men stand face to face,
    tho’ they come from the ends of the earth!”

    I reckon this more fairly represents the strife we witness hereabouts – the Border counts for little! 😉

  5. February 9, 2012 at 8:19 am

    One can only marvel at your principled forbearance, JM.

  6. sheona
    February 9, 2012 at 8:19 am

    The story, which I have on a tea towel, shows why we Scots simply shrug off all the jokes at our expense, as told by the neighbours. We know where God’s own country is.

  7. Janus
    February 9, 2012 at 8:31 am

    sheona :

    The story, which I have on a tea towel, shows why we Scots simply shrug off all the jokes at our expense, as told by the neighbours. We know where God’s own country is.

    Sheona, I imagine I’m not alone then in wondering why so many of its sons and daughters leave!! 🙂

  8. February 9, 2012 at 9:07 am

    Janus :

    Sheona, I imagine I’m not alone then in wondering why so many of its sons and daughters leave!! :-)

    They leave, to share with the rest of the world, the benefits of civilization.

  9. February 9, 2012 at 9:39 am

    JM, I take it you are jesting.

  10. February 9, 2012 at 9:40 am

    As was I.

  11. sheona
    February 9, 2012 at 11:26 am

    Exactly right, Sipu. Missionary work.

  12. February 9, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    zenrules :

    JM, I take it you are jesting.

    Hi zen, All totally in jest. As Boadicea has pointed out, the smiley things tag was meant to convey that. You may notice that I ‘liked’ your joke. I have already told it twice today (to Scots),

  13. February 9, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    JM, I grew up in Kenya in the 1950’s, a lot of extreme touchiness, from the colonials made me wary.

  14. February 9, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    Aye, Mr Mackie! We’ve all to make our sacrifices. The Scots must live with the English, the English must live with the Scots, and we Germans must live with the fact that France AND Belgium are our neighbours.

  15. February 9, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    As long as we are all laughing then the world is a better place, sadly jokes and taking the p seem to be banned nowadays and so we have a sad little planet.

  16. Janus
    February 9, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    christophertrier :

    Aye, Mr Mackie! We’ve all to make our sacrifices. The Scots must live with the English, the English must live with the Scots, and we Germans must live with the fact that France AND Belgium are our neighbours.

    Christopher, your perspective has really cheered me up!

  17. February 9, 2012 at 8:29 pm

    Jay Em,

    I hope you are joshing chum.

    Do not get annoyed with anyone other than the empire building megalomaniac who is hogging the meeja.

    Salmond strikes the rest of us as a petulant, ungrateful wee shite.

    If he wants independence it is down to the Jocks to put him straight and well before the ridiculous time scale he has arbitrarily imposed.

    For example, if the Land o’ Haggis truly wished to stand alone, then we could have saved a lot of bother by kicking all the sweaties out of the armed forces instead of decimating our own. Why does the first minister assume that we should provide a defence force for such an ungrateful act?

    We would of course take all the stations back and stop building ships north of the wall. I know you are a fan of the United Kingdom but the very fact that a bunch of kilt sporting, claymore waving angry jocks are not rallying against this prick is frankly quite insulting. If he wants to go iT alone then that is what alone means. No trade, no military support, no north sea gas, no uber generous tax breaks. Lets see how long your free universities and NHS postcode lottery winners survive after all that.

    I have no doubt of your desire to remain part of the union Jay Em, and I am positive many others north of Berwick feel the same. Instead of griping at those of us who feel highly insulted by this pricks ingratitude, it might be better if you all told the dickhead exactly where to get off instead of letting him court the meeja.

    I would gladly support an English referendum asking if we wish to continue subsidising such an ungrateful aerosol, or if we should eject Scotland as a matter of priority.

  18. February 9, 2012 at 11:18 pm

    On the subject of Scottish independence I think every one is missing the real reason for Salmond wanting it, he believes that Scotland is a major world power and he sees Macaroon going to all these meetings and parties and he is not invited. Salmond wants to be a world player and not just a leader of a part of the UK and he will destroy Scotland by his stupidity.

    The UK needs Scotland and Wales else we all become small bit players, but we must realign the Barnett payments to a realistic level.

  19. February 10, 2012 at 12:05 am

    Ferret :

    Jay Em,

    I hope you are joshing chum.

    Salmond strikes the rest of us as a petulant, ungrateful wee shite.

    Hi Ferret

    Of course I am joshing.

    Mind, I am mortally offended about the ‘rest of us’ crack as if you were excluding me.. I was first in the queue when it came to believing that the sleekit wee scunner was a ‘petulant, ungrateful wee shite’. Mind again, not that he’s that ‘wee’ these days. He is growing fatter by the day in his own conceit, in my opinion.

    The plain fact is that the majority of us still do not want to leave the Union but we live in interesting times and perhaps there is a need just now to keep our powder dry to see if the Nats implode under the weight of their own hubris.

    I appreciate that you feel very strongly about this whole issue and I would love to have the chance to discuss it with you in person rather than in a blog where it is all too easy to take up polarised positions. Please believe me that I was not trying to stir anything but was just seeking to remind my fellow cherished authors of Stefa and her unique style.

    Talking of stirring, and just in case JW’s looking in, I heard this one at the bowls tonight:-

    What’s got four legs and more money than Rangers Football Club?

    Harry Redknapp’s dog!

    Unfortunately, you could just as easily tell it about Heart of Midlothian Football Club, to be fair.

  20. February 10, 2012 at 7:58 am

    Jay Em,

    I am all for the UK, honestly. But this grandstanding by one power drunk fool is harmful on so many levels. He wants to allow underage voting because he knows he can swing the free uni ticket. He wants to deny the vote to sweaties not currently residing et Caledonis. That is because he knows that someone who chooses to live in England would probably vote for the union. He makes bold claims about industry and production which are heavily tied to the UK and still expects all the protection but none of the responsibility?

    You are right about Stefa tho’ she was a true gem.

  21. February 10, 2012 at 9:14 am

    When Mrs J and I got married (she totally Scots[Paisley buddy] me half Scots English accent) we moved to England and for some time MrsJ greitted on about returning to Scotland. Her prayers were answered and I had the opportunity of a transfer to Scotland (Glasgow area) with all expenses paid. To tell the truth I was happy enough to go. But MrsJ the true Scot, when faced with the reality would not budge from South Oxfordshire……can’t say I blame her really…the subject has not been discussed since.

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