For those of you that saw my blog last week about the scum in Orpington nicking the lead from roof.
After the event I coated everything in anti vandal paint, a black slimy greasy stuff that ruins your clothes and is a sod to get off.
Got to work this morning and the lamp posts outside our entrance are covered in the anti vandal paint where someone has tried to wipe their hands somewhere to clean them off.
Strike one for me and the paint. Pity I can’t add phosphorous to it so when they try to wash it off it bursts into flames, but I am told it is against their “ooman rites” Pity.
Boadicea's Chariot 
“Pity I can’t add phosphorous to it so when they try to wash it off it bursts into flames.” I think you mean potassium or sodium. Phosphorous is usually stored under water. It reacts when it comes into contact with air (oxygen). But I heartily endorse your sentiments.
Sipu I stand corrected. good idea though.
Isn’t there something ‘green you can use instead – the sap of the giant hogweed, for example?
Good idea. Buy a Triffid.
OZ
I have every sympathy with your plight, Rick, but as I mentioned before, I’m doing it all wrong. I obviously have nothing worth nicking and even when I leave it in the drive, it doesn’t go!
I like the Triffid idea, OZ. Perfect!
Minty it makes no difference what you have, they want it. The guys in the shop below me leave their delivery vehicles in the yard and have had their wheels nicked.
Oz where can I buy a triffid? Or better yet one of your cubs who can patrol our premises, imagine them coming over the wall and meeting a hairy face full of sharp teeth? fantastic.