The X bin-Laden Files

I’ve been trying to keep up with the conspiracy theories spawned by the death in early May of Osama bin Laden. The trouble is the furry little creatures have been multiplying faster than rabbits!

Barack Obama, himself the target of all sorts of peculiar notions, could not have done better to spur the speculation, which even spilled over into the main news media: the hasty burial at sea, changing versions of the exact circumstances behind the killing, the refusal to release pictures, all added to the process. And what a process it was, what a carnival.

There are people who abhor vacuums more than nature, filling the spaces with all sorts of oddities. There are those who question if the dead man is bin Laden at all, up to 66% of Pakistanis, according to a poll carried out on behalf of the University of Cambridge. Others have it that the US Navy Seals took him alive, to be spirited away to a mysterious AREA 51 (yes, that’s how it’s written, sinister caps and all), there to be tortured and killed at leisure.

That’s nothing. According to the hardcore theorists bin Laden is not only still alive but he is living in the United States. Can you guess where? No? Well he’s in the White House, cunningly disguised as President Obama. Be a devil, type Osama is Obama into YouTube and see what you come up with!

But, as Newton said, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. The bin Laden is alive school is matched by those who insist that he is dead, oh, not killed in Abbottabad on 2 May, dead long before then. In fact he seems to have had more lives than a cat, shedding them off one by one: he died in 2001 of a lung complaint, he died in 2005 in the Pakistani earthquake, he was killed by a fellow militant in 2007, he was killed time and again in various fire fights in Tora Bora Mountains.

So what was all the fuss about; why did the US pursue him so assiduously when he was already dead? That’s easy: to keep up the war on terror until it was convenient to abandon the whole thing.

One leading American conspiracist has it that bin-Laden has been in the White House for years, not in the Oval Office but in cold storage, a stiff ready to appear at an opportune moment. To accept this one has to assume an extraordinary amount of generosity on the part of George W Bush, who cheerfully bequeathed the Osama cadaver to Obama!

The President certainly has a friend in al-Qaeda, whose announcement some days after the event that bin-Laden had indeed shuffled of his mortal coil helped arrest some of the wilder death hoax theories, at least in the mainstream media. No matter; the gears simply shifted, Fox News leading the way, saying that it was an attempt to salvage a ‘lousy presidency’ and thus secure a second term for Obama. In this particular script bin-Laden seems to have been something of a bit player, stiff or not.

The picture got grander by the day. The assassination, you see, is simply a prelude to a war with Pakistan, to be followed by a war with China and Russia. Not content with one foreign war the White House appears to be planning several, with Obama having a master plan greater than Hitler’s.

Can it get any wilder than this? Yes, as a matter of fact it can. Bin Laden was not an Islamic terrorist at all, no; he was an agent of the CIA, a line particularly popular in Iran. According to Ismail Kosari, a member of the Iranian Security and Foreign Policy Commission, bin Laden was “…a puppet controlled by the Zionist regime to present a violent image of Islam after the 9/11 attacks.” Another member of the same commission said that he helped the US fake terrorist attacks and was killed in the end to stop the secret getting out. So, now you know.

No, you don’t, because he was really killed to celebrate the anniversary of the founding of the Illuminati, or his death, as the Fortean Times reported, was the work of Satan, seemingly announced 66 years and 6 hours after the death of Hitler, though to what end I can’t be sure. Or the Catholic Church was at work, using a vial of John Paul II’s blood as bad juju. Their success here according to one of the loopier sites means that the Vatican is a target for the world’s next nuclear bomb.

You think this is the end, that the circles can’t get any tighter? Think again, because they can. Bin Laden’s death was a conspiracy to target – wait for it – the conspiracists. The raid on his Abbotttabad was all part of a cunning plan to ‘out’ anyone who refuses to accept the official view so a list can be created, a list within a list within a list. Even Fox Mulder might have some problems suspending disbelief here. 🙂

Author: anatheimp

I'm a student, a horsewoman, a flyer and an all round wild child!

13 thoughts on “The X bin-Laden Files”

  1. Hello Ana – It’s been suggested that ‘Jonathan Hemmett’ on the dark side is a Tory plant, I would suggest that ‘Mad in Orleans’, also on the dark side is a UKIP plant, and some people believe that Katie Price writes books.

    Thanks for the post it’s interesting and amusing. You may like this – lots of conspiracy here: –
    What happened on the morning of September 11, 2001? Why were our defenses ineffective? Pilots For 9/11 Truth analyze NORAD response, Audio recordings as well as Radar data provided by government agencies.

    Click here to view full analysis now available to the public streaming online.

    All to much for me I’m afraid!

  2. You believe everything the Americas say? They are masters at the game of BS, nothing they ever say is at it seems.

    My personal opinion … they never killed him in Pakistan, if they had they would have took the glory and presented the bastard’s body to the world in the same way they did Saddam’s son.

    Most likely they defrosted his body after bringing him back from the planet Nubiru because Ron of the Scientology movement had increased the storage rent for his body 😦


  3. That photo of Bin Laden always makes me think of him as an extra in “The Life of Brian”. No-one can actually look that much like a spoof stage Arab and be for real, surely? 😕

  4. There is nothing the tinfoil titfer brigade find too difficult to swallow, Ana 🙂 Nice piece.

    Pakistan bears watching over the near term. There is an undercurrent of opinion pointing out that it would be more cost-effective to treat Pakistan as a hostile nation than as friends of the West – it certainly would be for the UK, in a number of ways. Then there is India – Anschluss?

  5. The ‘confusion’ of explanations as to how Bin Laden died almost seems to have been specifically designed by the US to spawn conspiracy theories.

    It is amazing to me that the US manage to organise a White House Tea Party, let alone a country, when they couldn’t even get one simple story for public consumption straight!

    As, as Bravo says, the ‘tinfoil titfer brigade’ will swallow anything…

    Good piece… thanks.

  6. A typically misleading part of the ‘Get Osama’ episode was the original claim that Obama watched the event on a telly in the Pentagon (if such a place exists, since on 9/11 it appears to have been hit by a plane which then disappeared). Later it was denied and several conflicting accounts of the ‘capture’ or ‘kill’ were circulated. I believe all of them, don’t you?

Add your Comment

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: