You know how lots of people on the Internet have lots of theories about lots of different things? It is not fair that they should have all the fun. I have, therefore, decided to have a theory of my very own.
On this day, 8th March 1702 (Julian calendar), King William III of England, also known as King William II of Scotland and Prince William III of Orange popped his clogs. He died of pneumonia as a complication of the broken collar-bone which he suffered when he fell off his horse, Sorrel.
Said William divided public opinion at the time and still does between certain ‘communities’ in Ireland and Scotland. Let’s not cross that particular river today. I would not want to cause a battle, after all.
Moving on, the reason that he fell off his horse was that Sorrel stumbled over a molehill. For years afterwards, Jacobites toasted ‘the little gentleman in the velvet waistcoat’, who had caused the death of King Billy.
Thus died the last King of the House of Stewart. In passing, William IV of Great Britain, who should have been William I but everybody ignored the delicate sensibilites of us Jocks as usual, was the last King of the House of Hanover.
I personally think that Wills, the expected V, should opt for being called Philip I when his time comes to avoid any possibility of him making it three in a row and ending the House of Windsor. It would also be a fitting tribute to his magnificently and consistently non-PC grandad, in my opinion.
Anyhow, here comes the theory. All of the Windsors are heavily into equestrianism. Families being what they are, I bet that they are totally paranoid about molehills when they are out for a gallop or even a walkabout, after what happened to Great, Great, Great Uncle Willie or whatever relation he actually is. They probably order their ground staff to flatten any such excrescences immediately in case history repeats itself.
So, now that the notoriously and vociferously persistent anti-monarchist, Janus, is, thankfully, amongst us once again, I find it interesting that he is spending his time in his garden shaving his molehills and rendering them safe, Health and Safety-wise. I refer you to the first paragraph of his latest post.
https://charioteers.org/2011/03/07/garden-glory/
I reckon that it’s all been a front and that Janus is really a secret and ardent monarchist who is hoping that one of the Royal Family will grace him with their presence by visiting his mole tumescence free purlieus. I wonder if he has room for a helicopter to land?
Boadicea's Chariot 
Mary II was pregnant only once, but miscarried. William 2.5 (splitting the difference) is no more than a distant in-law. I rather like the idea of King Philip I, though some of the more ardent Papists might die of ecstasy having an Brish king with the same name as a rey catolico de Espana.
The only thing that could make it better would be if he adopted more of his grandfather’s personality.
As for the House of Hanover… It would last until 1866 when Hanover fought on the wrong side of the Austro-Prussian war resulting in its absorption into the Kingdom of Prussia. Upon Victoria’s assumption of the throne in the United Kingdom, her uncle, the Duke of Cumberland, would assume the throne in Hanover as he was the only viable candidate to the throne because of salic law.
Hello from Harare.
William I died after falling from his horse while William II was on his horse when he fell victim to an assassin’s arrow. The motives and identities of the paymasters of Lee Harvey Tyrell have never been firmly established.
JM, nice to see you again! It’s a fair cop, officer. The ground plan of Janus Towers is an H, with a tell-tale RH cleverly etched into the kitchen garden. I predict our hero may wish to lie low here before long, to avoid his detractors and former spouse.
The grand old Duke of York, he had ten thousand men, and some even had little boys with them.
Theories?
More like bees in bonnets.
PS William II was as queer as a two dollar bill, does this help the theory?
I thought not!
Naaah Jay Em,
Old Hugh is a crafty beggar.
He did say they were frozen molehills, I’ll wager a pound to a pinch of poo that he has an evil scheme to transport said mounds and strategically place them about the grounds of Sandringham, Balmorral, Windsor etc. Bleedin’ Danes they think they invented royalty, and bacon.
I like your theory, JM.
I think, Ferret, that depositing molehills round the grounds of Sandringham would not be enough. You need to have the tunnel underneath that “the little gentleman in the velvet waistcoat”/blighter dug. That’s what poor old Sorrel caught his/her hoof in.
Your blog had me checking the molehills in the field yesterday, Janus. You’re right about the nicely worked soil. I hope you tip some worms down the tunnels by way of thanks.
Sheona,
Thats the evil genius of the scheme right there. By placing the outward indicators of an equestrine hazard, the fiendish Hugh spreads the fear of ‘doing a Willy’ without having to do any digging. Eventually, deprived of horsey fun, the royals will wither of boredom. You’ve got to hand it to them (front and back), this is right out of an Ian Fleming.
Right, Ferret, or they could just send the gardeners out to remove all lumps of earth!
Sheona,
Curses! Foiled again!
(You do know I am joking don’t you?) 😀
JM
That is a terrific connection with Janus lopping the tops of his mole hills and beautifully interwoven.
Janus and any others, with molehill problems: May I recommend the “Duffus Double-barrelled moletrap”?
Inserted in a mole run, it will cut short their subterranean existence in a matter of seconds, from whichever direction they approach. (Those with a queasy disposition should avoid the next sentence) In short, it garottes them very effectively.
I have found that the slaughter of just one or two moles with these devices will cause the eruption of fresh molehills to cease abruptly, in a field where perhaps twelve or fifteen have sprung up. This leads me to the hypothesis that it is just one or two worker/digger moles in charge of tunnelling and worm collection, and with their departure, the rest of their relatives sneak off to the neighbours…
CWJ,
I thought you were on about a double barrel of a different kind there as of Mr Carrot fame.
Ferret, your joking’s good, but your plotting’s fiendish. Death by boredom!
Sheona,
It’s perficly feasible. Just try watching any Dale Winton show, you’ll be flat lining in no time. 🙂
Ferret, I do have a fellow mole-slayer who stands over his molehill plot with a loaded double-barrelled 12 bore, waiting patiently for the slightest sign of earth movement from an emerging molehill, and then pulls the triggers – I would be frightened I might shoot my feet off in all the excitement, so haven’t resorted to this more drastic method of control. Oh! For the good old days of arsenic-laced worms…I noted in the local press that my trapper, (pre-purchase of my Duffus moletraps) was fined heavily for continuing to use arsenic. I am guessing there must be some EU regulation on mole control – they seem to have regulations for just about everything else, these days.
Furry, you rogue! What a spiffing ruse, what? I am packing them in ice, even as you squeak!
Hugh,
Nice try but I know you are crestfallen that I have rumbled your master plan for global domination. 😀