It’s time for the Darwin awards again…

It’s that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

First the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.. The chef’s claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer… $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape…

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher.. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer, that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from”

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast… The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for… Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had.

AND Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family….unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

*** Remember…. They walk among us, and they can reproduce. And vote!!

Author: coldwaterjohn

CWJ travelled extensively with his family, having worked in eleven countries over thirty years. A keen photographer, holding a Private Pilot's Licence, he focuses mainly on landscape and aerial imagery. Having worked in the Middle East extensively he follows developments in that region with particular interest, and views with growing concern, the radicalisation flowing from Islamic fundamentalism, and the intolerance for opposing views, stemming from it.

17 thoughts on “It’s time for the Darwin awards again…”

  1. Terrific, CWJ. I had heard number 10 before. I am reminded of the true story of a thief who stole a mobile ‘phone. The police rang the ‘phones number and the thief answered, to be told that he had won first-prize in a lottery. He was arrested when he turned up to collect.

  2. Remember…. They walk among us, and they can reproduce. And vote!!

    CWJ – I must take pedantic, almost Mackie-like issue with you on that. The whole point of the Darwins, originally at least, was to celebrate those who had thankfully removed themselves permanently from the gene pool in a particularly stupid manner – as per your glorious winner. The others all survived and should not therefore even be eligible.

    OZ

  3. There was the roundly applauded cse of the PIRA bomb-maker who was assembling a device in a flat in the Divis and decided to test the detonator – by closing the timer. He had the device in his lap at the time πŸ˜€

    And I agree with OZ.

  4. OZ – the initial cases are merely honorable mentions, presumably on the basis they didn’t quite manage to qualify by topping themselves. I think the fellow who pulled the pin out of the grenade and then stuck it between his legs so that he could use the fingers on both hands to count to seven, (not mentioned in this group) is my alltime favourite!

  5. CWJ – No, no. no! This is the typical modern dumbing down of standards in that the lame brains survived. Honourable mentions ought to be reserved for those who chlorinated the gene pool in a terminal, but insufficiently funny manner compared with that of the winner. πŸ™‚

    OZ

  6. Bearsy :

    Er … O Zangado is not a woman, nor is Bravo. Too much of the falling down liquid, Toc? :lol:

    Not really Bearsy. Let me try it this way:-

    “There was the roundly applauded cse of the PIRA bomb-maker who was assembling a device in a flat in the Divis and decided to test the detonator – by closing the timer. He had the device in his lap at the time”

    My reply was “For some reason I thought it was a woman.”

    Any clearer? 😦

  7. Fierce amber eyes – Check
    Cute perky ears – Check
    Exceptionally large incisors – Check
    Thick fur (double coat) – Check
    Dangly bits – Double check
    NSW – Check

    Yup – I am definitely an alpha male. πŸ™‚

    OZ

  8. Yes Toc, I did understand that you had clicked on the wrong “Quote”, thanks. My comment was … humorous; that’s why there’s a smiley. OK?

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