Yesterday I visited my brother and his family. He has since last year become a grandfather and his grandson was there.
Nice little chap, about ten months old, and generally quite smiley. I did the ‘normal’ sort of stuff – you know: ‘doesn’t he look like xxx’, and waved and smiled… and carried on with the conversation.
Then he started to moan and wail. At that point the procedure of ‘pass the parcel’, or in this case, ‘pass the baby’ began and it was suggested that I might like to try to ‘quieten’ him. All I wanted to do was to escape into the garden to admire the gooseberry bush, the flowers – well just about anything to escape the noise. I had to explain, as I do so often, that I really do not like picking up and cuddling other people’s babies at all. I’ve tried to do it to be polite, but it’s fairly obvious that I’m not comfortable, so long ago I decided to be honest and up front. Bring them along when they are walking and talking, but even then do not expect me to go ‘dewy-eyed’ and cuddle them…
Boadicea's Chariot 
Bang on Boa,
I have always maintained that children are like farts.
Only bearable when they are your own. 🙂
This leads nicely onto the “Baby on Board” stickers in the back of the school run eco mobile. Oh! I shall avoid smashing into your car then since you have discovered the secret of reproduction? Grrrrr. The irony of course, is that the kind of moron who would put one in their Prius is the exact sort of aberation who should be sterilised at birth and prevented from any contribution to the gene pool.
There, a.m. rant over, time for coffee. 🙂
Blood is deffo thicker than water when it comes to babies, yes. I also disapprove of passing babies around, irrespective of ownership. IMHO babies have human rights far outweighing the demands of people to ‘have a hold’.
Cheers Ferret – good to know I’m not alone. I was aware that my attitude yesterday was seen as yet another example of Aunt Boa’s eccentricity, and possibly a huge disappointed to my new niece-in-law… 🙂
I’d never quite looked at it that way, Janus. But you are absolutely right!
I rather enjoy OPB’s especially the newborns!
I marvel at the weight of them (next to nothing) and the size (some are really really tiny)
It also reminds me that our childbearing days are over and for that I am eternally grateful 🙂
When I was doing much more travelling than I do now, I was a baby magnet. No matter where I sat on a plane or a train, a doting young family with dribbling, squawking sprog would always come and sit behind me, or worse, opposite and then proceed completely to ruin any chance of enjoying the journey.
OZ
Yup OZ,
And why do they insist on taking their screaming li’l shite machines into restaurants? I have lost count of the number of times I have asked for another table on account of inconsiderate a-holes and their ill-behaved offspring.
Ferret because raising a child is exhausting and after being confined to home for a month or so an evening out is a ‘special treat.’
I’ll never forget our 1st time, arriving at a family restaurant (you know the type, they have a games room and a dedicated staff member to watch over the little ones) we sat down, ordered and waited on the meal to arrive. As our meal arrived, a complete stranger walked up to our table and offered to mind our baby for us, allowing us to enjoy our first evening out relatively ‘unencumbered.’
It was an act of kindness that my wife and I have often repeated.
Good to know that we’re not all alike Soutie.
However, I must take issue with your last comment. We all know how exhausting raising children can be – but we don’t all take the children out until we are sure that they know how to behave and know that we won’t impose their noise on other people.
The flight from Brisbane to Singapore which left at 11.45 pm and took approximately seven hours was spent trying to ‘tune out’ the sound of three babies screaming their heads off. It was so bad that the air-crew offered us ear-plugs. My response was to tell them to take dummies to the babies… Most people on that flight just wanted to get their heads down and sleep and the parents made not one bit of effort to silence their babies. That was quite unacceptable.
Ferret: I have always maintained that children are like farts.
Even after a few pints of Newcie Brown and a vindaloo?
Janus: Agreed. I think children should be kept at home until they are old enough to walk and talk and become interesting. Until then, they are noisy crap and puke making machines. 🙂
Boa: approximately seven hours was spent trying to ‘tune out’ the sound of three babies screaming their heads off.
I have a pair of noise-cancelling headphones for just such an occasion.
Other people’s babies are a joy. I, too, look in wonder at the little feet and hands.
As a bit of a big wean myself, bringing up my children was the best time of my life. Yes, it is hard work but it is rewarding when strangers compliment you on your well-behaved offspring. The key is spending quality time and forgetting about your own interests. The McCaan case is sad and I don’t want to point any fingers, however, when we were on holiday whenever our children got tired, it was bed for all of us. No more drinking, no more socialising. You can unwind in the room while the children are sleeping.
I’ll give you a story detailing how sweet my kids were/are. It was 1998 and my two sons (8 + 5 ages) were on a bus with my mum. The bus was very busy, although my mum said it was quiet and everybody was keeping to themselves. My eldest said.
“I can’t wait for the 12th of July.”
My mum froze.
“Why?” asked the youngest.
“Do you not know what’s happening on the 12th of July?”
My mum was mortified and the whole bus was waiting in anticipation.
“It’s the World Cup Final on the 12th.”
Mum breathed out a sigh of relief and the passengers smiled.
There’s a big divide up here but I didn’t impress any views on them.
I love babies, they are adorable, they are pure, they are generally pretty, and given the chance, they may even grow into decent human beings, but the most endearing thing about other peoples babies is, THEY AINT MINE 🙂
I’m not a great fan of babies in general but they are all different. Some are very engaging and others are not.
None of them are engaging when they hare howling and wailing for whatever reason and should be removed PDQ from any social gathering.
Actually the above applies to children and adults too!
PS.
Is Bearsy’s op scheduled for today? If so Boadicea, please wish him all the best for a good outcome and a speedy recovery.
Ara has a point. I don’t like every adult I meet, so why should I like every baby? But as it happens I generally like babies and am pretty tolerant of children who are misbehaving as long as I can see the parent is trying their best to understand why they are upset and deal with it appropriately. (The parents who are just ignoring though, do annoy.)
Once I was out in Sainsburys with Techie, when he was under three years old. He was screaming and I was trying so hard to keep him entertained and do the shopping without resorting to giving him a biscuit, while being exhausted and pregnant… when a woman made a comment loudly and deliberately so I could hear –
“What a dreadful child.”
I spent hours later trying to think of a succinct retort I could use if that happened again.
What a dreadfully rude woman.
Did your mother teach you no manners? etc.
I do recall a train journey a few years ago when I took total control of whining 3 year-old, it was a case of who was going to kill the her first, me or it’s parents, who were just as frustrated as the rest of the passengers. I started a make believe story with my husband, I spoke loud enough for the child to take notice. It’s very easy to begin a make believe story, keeping it up is a bit harder. I began telling him about Scamp the dog who kept getting into trouble. My husband asked me what the dog looked like, I got out a piece of paper and began to draw the dog. after a few minutes the whinger opposite me fell silent. I spoke out loud that I couldn’t remember if the dog was black or white, the child suddenly said “Black” “Yes, I think you are right, thank you” I said. I then began telling my husband the antics this dog got up to, how he knocked dustbins over, how he barked at the postman, but how nicely he played with young children, the games he played with them, he even played football with children, all the time trying to draw something. The child opposite by this time had placed a thumb in it’s mouth.
My brain was working overtime with how to keep the story going, the child was riveted to my face, I just kept adding funny snippets, sad snippets and on it went. I suddenly realized the this whole area of the train was in silence too, people were listening to this crap I was spilling out. I gave up when the child slipped sideways onto it’s mother and fell into a deep sleep. Two seats away, a child said “Ohhhh, why has that lady stopped talking”; Everyone fell about laughing. Mother of the child said “Shhhhh, don’t wake my daughter up for gods sake”
Company generally speaking is infantile. Best avoided. 😦
Araminta
Yes it is – will do.
JW
I didn’t have many baby-sitters – and I didn’t go out in the evenings unless I did. My children’s bed-time was sacro-sanct, I refused to move it or, for that matter, meal-times to fit in with my convenience. Yes, it is a joy when people compliment you on your children’s behaviour – even tho’ it’s hard work getting them to that stage.
Pseu
You’d have got a “Well done for not giving into the tantrums” from me!
PS Pseu
I was in a shop with my daughter aged seven when a child threw an enormous wobbly. My daughter said in the loudest voice “You wouldn’t stand for that would you Mummy?” – I wished the floor would open up and swallow me. If looks could kill we’d have both been dead on the spot!
Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings……
Oh, how embarrassing, Boa!
Reminds me of the time when dad was selling his Triumph something or other (like a Triumph Herald but not quite in the same league) It had a soft top.
A man came to look at the car standing in the drive way and while Dad was intent on telling him all the best features I arrived on the scene and asked if he had remember to say anything about the leak in the roof….
I was most put out he was cross with me. He was the one who was adamant about the truth at all times.
Evenin’ all. It makes my fur absolutely frizz (and you all know how much I hate frizzy fur!) whenever some thoughtless moron tries to impose their lifestyle choices on me (and having a casual legover that results in a sprog is definitely a lifestyle choice), be it blowing ciggy smoke in my face or failing to control ill-disciplined spawn. The former is quite rightly banned in most civilised places, but the latter is indulged at every turn.
“Oh, Madam. You have a child? Aw, coocheecoocheecoochee! And how’s the paid maternity leave going? Well, you just come straight to the front of this queue that’s been waiting 45 minutes for check-in to open and we’ll have you and little – what’s the angel’s name? Vuvuzela Foghorn Smith? Interesting choice! No matter, we’ll have you and little Vuvuzela on board in a jiffy. Just put him into his eight-wheeled buggy with the cross-country tyres and the razor sharp footrests set to adult Achilles Heel height and follow me. No, on second thoughts, you go first. Anyway, here we are at the end of the air bridge. Give me the buggy and we’ll put it in the hold last on top of everything else so that you won’t be kept waiting at the other end.
Now, just go and settle yourselves right behind that rather hairy gentleman with the glaring amber eyes and the prominent whiskers and enjoy your flight. I’ll make sure he doesn’t disturb you.”
OZ
Good evening Mr Wolf. Children are lovely, I couldn’t eat a whole one though……bet you could 🙂
I’ve been reading that Rod Stewart is going to be a father again at the ripe old age of 66. What a cruel act that is, the poor child will have a father/grandfather and great grandfather, all rolled into one ageing rocker. (I love Rod Stewart as well).
Val – Right now, at just after 7.40 PM, the temperature has plummeted in the past four hours from 38º to 34º. Das Fürballen, despite their impeccable Portuguese steet ‘pedigree’, are zonked out and panting downstairs and right now I could bite the head off any squalling sprog you care to leave at The Cave’s door.
OZ
I think it was W.C.Fields who said, when asked how he liked children, “Fried”
I knew I’d heard that somewhere Feeg.
love it when you talk dirty Mr Wolf 🙂 🙂 🙂
Nite all.
With you all the way Bo!
I had to travel Internationally extensively with Roo when he was small. He always had a rigid bedtime and ritual which I would observe on any plane, immediately he had his grow suit on, zzzz!
He had his own miniature knife and fork which he used correctly by the time he was three because he was trained to do so! There was no choice but to eat in good restaurants in the circumstances or take room service.
One verbal warning was all he ever got or was needed, any further carry on was met with damocletian vengeance wreaked upon his bottom discreetly offstage!
As for holding other people’s babies! Total non event girl! I don’t know what is wrong with the bloody parents these days. One of the reasons I now refuse to travel is the ghastly unmannered nature of nearly everybody, turns the whole thing into a total nightmare! My dogs are better behaved than most of them.
Christina – Ooh, spooky! I once eventually ‘lost it’ on a long haul flight after hours of intrusion, turned round and snarled at the simpering, indulgent milch-cow in the seat behind, “My Alsatians are better trained than that and they’ve all certainly got a better pedigree. Get yourself sorted”
I’m not even slightly proud of myself, but at least I enjoyed a quiet, hassle-free flight for the remainder of that journey.
OZ
Being an eccentric aunt is one of the best of the familial roles, Boa. Much better than mummy or granny or sissy. And miles ahead of the drunken uncle. I salute you, Auntie!
I’m not used to babies or small children, although I have admired some in passing, held a few over the years (yes, very nice but please take it back as it’s started crying and I don’t know what to do!) and cursed others in restaurants. I think I can understand where you’re coming from Boa.
Now puppies and foals …
I can understand how you feel, Boa. I used to hate babies and kids until I had my own. Having the boys threw a great big MATERNAL switch.
I like the wobbliness and awareness of the very young babies. They are taking it all in – noises, textures, colours. I like the feel of a nice chunky baby on my left hip or high in my arms. At the chunky ages they laugh and respond and like “boo” games. It’s also hilarious to feed them marmite soldiers.
I often feel really broody, which disgusts most of my friends who have had it with kids, thanks very much or still have grunty unco-operative, ambitionless adolescents on their hands. But, and I’m whispering this, if I had Madonna’s money, I would go straight out and buy a Chinese orphan. Sssshhh. That’s our secret.