Cheesed Off.

A lot of us are extremely cheesed off here in Glawstershire at the moment.

More cheesed off than a piece of single Gloucester left out after a boozy dinner party and found soft and  sweaty in the morning.

More cheesed off than some Stinking Bishop that fell unnoticed out of the shopping bag into footwell of the car and sat there humming to itself unrescued while people went on holiday for a week.

Even more cheesed off  than  Eddie Izzard’s feet after doing 43 marathons.

The reason?  They have cancelled this year’s cheese rolling on Cooper’s Hill, Brockworth, Glos.

They say it’s because of the traffic chaos caused last year when thousands of people turned up, parking their cars all over nearby roads, gardens, verges and roundabouts causing an awful nuisance.

Actually, it was chaotic. But one must remember that the borough council made an absolute mint because they had the brilliant idea of ticketing all the illegal parkers on miles of roadside verges.

I blogged about it at the time. The traffic was so bad we pretended not to be going to the cheese rolling and drove past all the queues, came down Birdlip Hill, parked at the Roman Villa, Witcombe and walked the Cotswold Way around to the hill. We just about got there in time for the madness.

It was shockingly busy. The proliferation of media coverage means that whereas it used to be event where people of Brockworth walked up to the hill to watch their neighbours flinging themselves down the 1 in 2 slope chasing an 8 pound Double Gloucester cheese, now the whole world turns up – in cars.

But having had all that experience,  it should be manageable.  I am totally in favour of keeping these barmy local traditions and it shouldn’t be beyond the wit of the organising committee, local councils  and police to get their heads together and come up with a plan.

Anyway, here in Gloucestershire, we wouldn’t have a clue what time of year it was if it wasn’t for landmark events such as the cheese rolling and the woolsack races at Tetbury or the clipping of the yews at Painswick, or the knocking of the trees in Dursley, or the bread and cheese throwing at St Briavels or Severn Bore watching or the Cotswold Olympicks at Dover’s Hill, Chipping Campden complete with shin kicking, serf-baiting and the best-dressed piglet contest.  Oh all right,  I lied about the last two but the others are all real.

The local newspaper website devoted just three paragraphs to the cancellation of the cheese rolling yesterday – but had over 130 comments demonstrating depth of feeling. I make no apology for repeating some here because they are too good to miss.

Mike Smith: “Dreadfully disappointed with the news. As a cheese-roller of many years, I look forward to the chance to really injure myself each year. I have no idea how I’ll hurt myself this year now.”

Gloucester Born & Bred: “This insurance thing will probably mean Morris Dancers will have stop using their sticks and start using feather dusters AND wear crash helmets covered with flowers!”

Dewi Scourfield: “I am gutted as i was favourite to win it this year. I like cheese and the cheese likes me. so sad.. sad sad times.. I will just have to eat Tim Griggs cheese this year.

Alan: “I was unfairly disqualified last year on the ground that my cheese was the wrong shape – Bloody European rules again,

They wouldn’t let me ‘roll’ my piece of Cathedral city down as they said it was ‘square’! Well it wasn’t my fault-you try and buy a round piece of cheese. The only one I could find was ‘laughing cow’ and I lost straight away in the grass. Still, its been cancelled now so whos laughing now!! HA.”

There was a workable, if interminably dull suggestion from Brainbox:

“What about if this year they pull the cheeses up the hill from bottom to top, using long pieces of string and then let the racers crawl uphill after them?”

Finally, a nice touch of the Brockworth spirit which has kept the whole thing going over the years – even during WWII.

I coudn’t have put it better than Pie Society, who said “You cannot stop a man that wants to chase cheese down a hill.”

Chris: “It will still take place. There will have to be a lot of police to stop us locals going up the hill that day and there are many ways us local Brockies know to get up to the top.”

I like the thought of the die-hards bolt-cutting barbed wire fences at first light wearing camo gear and balaclavas in order to access the famous slope clutching great rounds of cheese.  Some people will do anything for a cheese roll.

Read another local view here

And here is possibly the best little film of the cheese rolling I’ve ever seen – featuring last year’s hero Chris Anderson (“Next day, at work I put the kettle in the fridge”)