Category: General

A major road where we live was closed on Monday to replace a bridge over the railway, the closure has been advertised for the last 2 months and residents have known about it for over a year, the closure will last about a year and is causing tremendous problems as traffic tries to find alternative ways round the few crossing over the railway.

As you approach the closed road from a roundabout there is a large (15 by 10ft) illuminated and flashing sign saying ROAD CLOSED, as you enter the road there are large red signs that you have to steer round saying ROAD CLOSED, all approaches to the roundabout are signed in blue and yellow stating ROAD CLOSED FOLLOW DIVERSION.

Yet today I drove towards the closure as I had to visit the osteopath to sort my back out (again) I sat in the car for a no more than 3 minutes and 4 cars and one lorry drove towards the closed road and had to reverse out, I knocked on the osteopaths door laughing and he said “watch” in the space of 5 minutes a further 6 vehicles approached the closed road with one car trying to cross the bridge on the pavement, the pavement being left for pedestrians and cyclists as removal of the crossing sends cars round a 3 mile diversion.

Looking at the cars all seemed to be blindly following their stanavs or on their mobile phones. Obviously Satnav knows better than great big flashing signs saying ROAD CLOSED.

And they let these people breed, there is no hope for the future generation.

Distinction between Guts and Balls

There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We’ve all heard about people having Guts or Balls. But do you really know the difference?

Continue reading “For Zen”

This boardroom was a strange place. Boardrooms usually conjure up images of oak panelling, dark portraits of former chairmen on the walls and the smell of cigars and whisky, but this one was a shed – literally. This particular boardroom had bowed boxwood panels for walls with weak shafts of daylight percolating through the gaps, a two-year-old calender topped by a photograph of a pneumatic blonde astride a large motorbike nailed to a convenient beam and the smell of linseed oil (óleo de linhaça) and goats It was, it has to be said, more of a small warehouse, um pequeno armazém, than a shed, its darker recesses filled with sacks of fertilizer, piles of obscure agricultural implements, an ancient, asthmatic tractor and a couple of crates of empty beer bottles forgotten in a corner. Continue reading “Temper – November CW Comp.”

Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:

Dr. Jones, at your cervix.” Continue reading “Signs”

Is this just me?

I can’t see any WordPress Gravatars on the Chariot or other WordPress sites.

I think that we are having a somewhat unwelcome nocturnal visitor.  There are some large ‘poohs’ full of undigested maize kernels in the field and tonight the dogs went ‘ape shit’.

I let them out for their usual nocturnal constitutional and instead of beetling round the locality of the house as usual, they took off like the hounds of hell in full throat for the darkest gloom of the outfield. I shot back for the Mace spray, (it works on bears as well as burglars) and nearly got trampled to death by three dogs trying to get into the house simultaneously! Now, had it been deer they would have chased them for a way for the sheer fun of it but the fact that they abandoned their hunt with such despatch (note ‘e’ it feels better) and ran back to the house, whatever it was must have been SERIOUSLY frightening.  Hence my thoughts for bear, (please God, not sasquatch!)  All the other dogs of the neighbourhood were in full throat by this time, again unusual.

Now as it happens, there is an eyot (said iot) in the stream on which I had planted a viburnum edule which is in full fruiting of edible red berries.  The monster was probably having a late a supper when disturbed.  I do hope he soon decides to leave for a peaceful hibernation.  I shall check the tree tomorrow and see if it has been cropped. The last thing I was going to do was disturb it in the middle of the night and admonish it for eating my berries!

Spousal unit has picked the apples too thoroughly.  Three disconsolate deer were picking their way round the fruit trees looking for their breakfast this morning.  We have far too many collected in trays in the garage so I think I’ll sort them out and leave a few down there every day for them.  A propitiation to keep them off the new foliage of the strawberry plants.  You have to give some to keep something else round here.

I note that the coyotes have had all the neighbour’s chickens.  Silly bitch left them running around with no safe place for them at night, talk about easy meat! What do you expect from an exhippy Californian?  “Run free little chicken into the jaws of the waiting predator”

The snow is on our local mountain at 5000′ and Mt Baker positively glistens in the sun with a coating of 12″ of new white stuff.  Winter is drawing in.  We shall have a lot of wildlife this winter, everything is hungry, it was a crap late summer, plants did not fruit so the animals come down from their high spots until they find sufficient food.  I don’t have the heart to drive them off, better the bushes are eaten than die of the NE wind. (That’s Canadian!)

I assure you not a wild ‘onvelope’ in sight.

A woman walks into the Camborne benefits office, trailed by 15 kids… Continue reading “Our society”

Good evening

I admit that I do not have a good track record at setting subjects for competitions. I still wake up sweating when I recall the nightmare that was the diptych disaster.

So this time, I consulted the cultural expert in the family, aka Mrs M.

My first suggestion was ‘Revolution’ or ‘Change’ in honour of the day that it is today. I still remember the excellent celebrations which the Russian Society held every year on the 7th November during my time at the Uni of Embra. This used to get played at the end of the night.

Continue reading “18th Photographic Competition”

What do you call a thousand floppy-eared creatures hopping backwards? A receding hare line.

A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says “Oh, I forgot to tell you, today’s the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked.”