Author: zenrules

Bravo lives! He’s in a blocked area, but will shortly be back.

Local Police hunting the ‘knitting needle nutter’ who has stabbed six people in the arse in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern

When I was in the pub I heard a couple of dickheads saying that they wouldn’t feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexist twats. I mean, it’s not as if she’d have to reverse the bloody thing!

The wife was counting all the 1p’s and 2p’s out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself, “She’s going through the change.”

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica?

Where do they go?

Wonder no more ! ! !

Continue reading “Little known fact”

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So, they loaded up Jack’s minivan and headed north. Continue reading “Nine months on….”

DISNEYLAND

Two blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home. Continue reading “Blonde alert!”

Thought from the greatest living Scots Thinker –
Billy Connolly’s Statement of the Century:
‘If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time?’

A blonde is on board a small two-seater airplane when suddenly the pilot dies.

Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio.

“Mayday, mayday! My pilot just died!”

Ground control received her call for help and answers back: “Don’t worry, madam.

I’ll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position.”

“I’m 5″2′ and sitting in the right front seat.”

Ground control: “Repeat after me: Our Father….. which art in Heaven….