After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her slowly, then said, “You’re A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.”
She asked, “What does that mean?”
He said, “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.”
She smiled happily and said, “Oh, that’s so lovely. What about I, J, K?”
He said, “I’m Just Kidding!”
His eye is still swollen, but it will get better.
I made myself a snowman,
As perfect as can be.
I thought I’d keep it as a pet,
So I let it sleep with me.
I made it some pyjamas
And a pillow for its head.
Last night the bastard vanished,
And pissed the f…ing bed!!
A Scottish Romance A young Scottish lad Continue reading “A Scottish romanance”
Brian had been in police work for 25 years. Continue reading “Xmas in Alaska”
JEWISH NEWLYWEDS
A young Jewish couple got married and went on their honeymoon. Continue reading “The Jewish bride”
Global Facts About Sex
At Any Given Moment –
FACT:79,000,000 people are engaged in sex – right now!
FACT:58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT:37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
FACT:1 elderly person is reading emails.
You hang in there, Sunshine ……….
Should the UK adopt The Euro?
A cross-sectional survey of 1000 people in the UK, made up of Afghans, Albanians, Pakistanis, Indians, Poles, Iraqis, Somalis, Bosnians, Turks, Moldavians, Latvians, Lithuanians, Bangladeshis, Ethiopians, Russians, Congolese, Zimbabweans, Portuguese and Nigerians were asked if they thought Britain should change its currency to the Euro.
99.9% said no, they were happy with the Giro.
The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the United States’ Capital this Christmas season. This isn’t for any religious reason….
They simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in the Nation’s Capitol. A search for a Virgin continues.
A husband wrote the following letter for his wife and left it on the dining room table – Continue reading “Sauce for the goose…”
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane. He turned to her and said, ‘Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.’
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, ‘What would you like to talk about?’
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said the stranger. ‘How about nuclear power?’ and he smiled.
OK, ‘ she said. ‘That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet, a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?’
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, ‘Hmmm, I have no idea.’
To which the little girl replies, ‘Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know shit?
Boadicea's Chariot 
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