Author: zenrules

Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.

Goodnight everyone, sleep well.

Freddie – I was born to love you

I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Will Rogers

Goodnight everyone, sleep well.

A man goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor.

The female doctor says, “I’m going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, ’99’.

The guy obeys and says,”99”.

The doctor says, “Great”. Now turn over on your left side and again, while repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, ’99”..

Again, the guy says, ’99’.”

The doctor said, “Very good”. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I’m going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I’m going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say, ’99’.

The guy begins, “One … Two …Three”.

Living on my own – Queen

Fiction gives us a second chance that life denies us.
Paul Theroux

Goodnight everyone, sleep well.

Sir Sean Connery

Hammer to fall – Queen

I always avoid prophesying beforehand, because it is a much better policy to prophesy after the event has already taken place.
Winston Churchill

Goodnight everyone, sleep well.

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, “Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.” The gas pump, of course, didn’t respond.The younger alien became angry at the lack of response. The older alien said, ‘I’d calm down if I were you.’ The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response. Pissed at the pump’s haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said gruffly, “Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader or I will fire!” The older alien again warned his comrade saying, ‘You probably don’t want to do that! I really think that will make him mad.’ ‘Rubbish,’ replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards him and blew the younger alien off his feet and threw him in a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch. Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head. ‘What a ferocious creature!’ exclaimed the young, fried alien. ‘He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous ?’

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, ‘If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my intergalactic travels, you never mess with a guy who can loop his penis over his shoulder and then stick it in his ear.’

Queen – One Vision