Author: zenrules

64,MS,wheelchair,angry

Man killed

A foursome of guys is waiting at the men’s tee while a foursome of women is hitting from the ladies’ tee. The ladies are taking their time.

When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it 10 feet. Then she goes over and whiffs it completely.
Then she hacks it another ten feet and finally hacks it another five feet.
She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically,
“I guess all those f*cking lessons I took over the winter didn’t help.”

One of the men immediately responds,
“Well, there you have it. You should have taken golf lessons instead!”

He never got a chance to duck. He was only 43 ……

My badge

The other day I needed to go to the local NHS hospital but not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my blue jacket and pinned on a plastic ID card that I had made off the Internet onto the front of my jacket.

When I went into the hospital, I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left. I guess they decided that they weren’t that sick after all. Cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time. Here’s the patch. Feel free to use it the next time you’re in need of quicker emergency service.

It also works at all supermarkets. It saves me hours.

At the Launderette, three minutes after entering, I had my choice of any machine, most still running!

Don’t try it at McDonald’s though….. The whole staff disappeared and I never got my order !!!!!

Also………. never wear it while trying to get a taxi!!

Relationship with the Banks!

A number of UK Banks, especially RBS, Lloyds and Santander , have banded together to express their gratitude to the British people for helping them out in their time of need.
They have commissioned a limited edition commemorative pencil sharpener which will be offered to selected customers in gratitude for the billions of pounds profit they got out of us last year.
It’s designed to remind us of the friendly and, even intimate relationship the banks have built up with the British public.