Author: zenrules

Continue reading “RIP John Walker”

Man is driving down a road.
Woman is driving up the same road.
They pass each other.
Woman yells out window, “PIG!”
Man yells out window, “BITCH!”
Man rounds the next curve.
Man crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of road and he dies.

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson.   It’s obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles.   Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, “Easy, William, we won’t be long . . . easy, boy.” Continue reading “Patience!”

I’ve never had a problem with drugs. I’ve had problems with the police.
Keith Richards

Goodnight everyone, sleep well.

In answer to the question, ‘Do you have any dependants?’,

I put, ‘Asylum seekers, gypos, smack heads, unemployable bastards, the cast of The Jeremy Kyle Show, Northern Rock, RBS and half of Eastern Europe!’

…apparently this wasn’t an acceptable answer.

We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.
Dolly Parton

Goodnight everyone, sleep well.

A graveyard on a summer’s night
The spectres dance in sheer delight
And down a moonbeam slides a ginger cat
In plimsolls and a paper hat Continue reading “Light Relief – things are getting too heavy”