Quick fix

I’m not a gourmet but I have been known to toy with a few grenouilles and more frequently a dish of escargots, suitably lashed with garlic butter of course. And Backside reckons that’s a case of matter over mind, given my aversion to garden slugs.

But I was surprised to see only today that if your delicate skin requires pampering you can invest a mere twenty quid for 50 ml of snail salve, the mucus of more than a dishful of the critters, collected allegedly from the glass over which they have slimed their merry way.

Not for you? No, I quite understand, preferring a rub down with an oily rag.

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  1. christinaosborne
    July 26, 2016 at 4:21 pm

    Oh dear, can you imagine?
    I frequently admit to not having used soap since I was twenty, nigh on 50 years. (Except liquid hand soap)
    I haven’t used make up for nearly 30 years. A hot flannel and lashings of ‘bear grease’ does the trick.
    Curiously people are always saying how good my skin is!
    I;m afraid the personal care companies would go broke pretty fast if they relied on me, Shampoo, toothpaste, moisturiser and liquid soap are the only products I buy.
    Far rather waste my money on decent wine, fags and esoteric bizarre plants and heating my greenhouse!

    I never could understand these people that have implants, use make up with a trowel, have liposuction etc etc to modify their cosmetic appearance. How unbelievably pathetic to be so insecure. More likely need a shrink than a surgeon! A seriously first world problem.
    Can you imagine spending all that time and money tarting yourself up to get blown up by ISIL at the local shopping mall? Would one regret the Kardashian butt implants with one’s last sentient thought?
    Beyond.

  2. July 26, 2016 at 4:53 pm

    CO: I never use shampoo or shave foam any more. Instead, I buy high-quality olive oil soaps whenever possible and use that for everything. It keeps my skin healthier and there are far fewer ghastly chemicals involved. I don’t need moisturiser, either.

  3. christinaosborne
    July 26, 2016 at 5:17 pm

    I have always been extremely dry skinned, any and all soap just cracks me up, literally! I do agree with you that t he modern products have far too many nasty chemicals in them that they have no idea, long term, what they do to the human body.

  4. July 26, 2016 at 5:20 pm

    Surely there’s a cherished snail addict hereabouts? I recall as a student the college provided carbolic soap. Maybe my hair never recovered….

  5. July 26, 2016 at 6:26 pm

    CO: I have very oily skin so I normally shower at least twice daily. My hair is simply disgusting when I sweat for even a few minutes. The last few weeks have been nightmarish. At times I look like I’m going bald because my hair clumps up something terrible!

  6. July 26, 2016 at 6:55 pm

    Too much info, C! 😷

  7. July 26, 2016 at 9:41 pm

    Which “C”?

  8. sheona
    July 26, 2016 at 9:52 pm

    Snail saliva? No thanks. I’ll stick to the asses’ milk baths.

  9. July 27, 2016 at 7:13 am

    Christopher – ’twas you, sir!

    Sheona, how exotic!

  10. Four-eyed English Genius
    July 27, 2016 at 11:24 am

    I think I will stick to engine oil and spilt beer for skin care. As regards escargots, I remember one talking to one of my engineers, a lovely young lady from Martinique. We were talking about the culinary merits of snail, and she said (in good English but with a somewhat French intonation) “Oooh, la la, but the snails are so tasty especially when soaked in garlic butter”.

    I replied that I had tried these and thought they were disgusting, like chewing garlic flavoured rubber. At this time, another of my engineers, who had spent a lot of time in the States, came in and somewhat misapprehended what we were saying. “Gee,” says he, “Garlic flavoured rubbers. Is that the latest thing from Ann Summers?”.

  11. July 27, 2016 at 5:13 pm

    Tommy Cooper: (In restaurant) Waiter, do you have frogs legs?

    Waiter: Oui Monsieur.

    TC: Well hop in the kitchen and bring me a cheese sandwich.

  12. July 27, 2016 at 6:07 pm

    😅

  13. July 27, 2016 at 11:58 pm

    The best slugs are slugs of bier. (hic)

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