There have been many men of words that have written essays on how to brew a nice cup of tea. Amongst them have been celebrated literates such as George Orwell and Christopher Hitchens. It seems futile to follow in their foootsteps so I’ll leave the tea bags to the experts and concentrate on a more stronger brew.
McEwans Export has been my poison for all my adult life. Naturally, I do drink other beers when the occasion arises due to supply issues but given the choice I’d swallow ME firstly and foremostly. If I ever won the lottery and I was luxuriating in the Ritz, Bali, Indonesia I’d demand a McEwans Export from the proprietors. Demand. Because I’m filthy rich. Cue a Milk Tray Ritz Lady (role reversal time) storming the Seven Seas to Scotland to bring me back some brews.
There are certain strict rules that have to be met in the preparation of drinking a can of McEwans. Most of them are applicable to all alcoholic drinks though there are some subtle nuances that make a difference. Firstly and obviously the cans must be chilled in the fridge. Importantly two empty pint glasses should be in there keeping the cans company. The purpose of the two glasses is simple. They alternate the cans between them and at all times the glass not in use is in the chiller.
The pouring of the liquid has got to be done in a very precise manner.
With the glass tilted at 45° slowly pour the contents of the heavy can into the container. As the beer is emptying you should be gradually lifting the can up until it completely vertical. This drains almost the entire 500ml. At the same time the glass should also be straightened up. Now comes the acrobatic bit. There is a dreg of beer lying stagnant inside the upside down cylinder. This piece of oil is situated where the outside of the ring pull has been torn off. You must now tilt the can more so that it has now covered more than 90° (>90°). Small vestiges of beer will drip into the head of the volcano. Completely ejaculated the can should now be crushed and discarded. And onto the good part. It’s time to raise the glass to your mouth.
Boadicea's Chariot 
We all have our passions. If we’re to enjoy something, we ought to enjoy it fully. Excellent post, thank you!
Helloo Jimmy! I wasn’t a man until I drank a can of McEwans Export in the Officers Club, Barlinnie Prison, Glasgow. And thence I became a man among men!
Backside says canned beer tastes of the can… 😦
PS Nancy Mitford pronounced on tea too.
Cheers, TR. I must say that would not be my choice of tipple, as I prefer English strong ales, but have one on me.
Thanks for the reaction, men. This was rushed out in the dead of the night and has a few plot holes.
Christopher, I should have explained the Milk Tray episode more fully for younger and other Nationals. In the 70’s there was a Milk Tray advert about an adventurer who went through many dangers before delivering the chocolate to his love. I don’t know if there’s a video of it on YouTube.
Hello PG, well done, sir. Hope you also enjoyed the square sausage for breakfast. A good hangover cure.
J-man #3 Tell your other half his can has obviously been canned. This can happen and is similar to wine being corked. There is no need to worry as drinking heavy metal is good for you. 😉
Good morning FEEG, nothing wrong with English beer. No arguments here. When I’m a bit flush (not often, sorry to say) I’ll treat myself to more expensive bottled delights. Hobgoblin’s hit the spot. And their slogan says it all
What’s the matter, lager boy. Afraid you might taste something.
I am with you on Hobgoblin, and I do like many Scottish beers, especially Heavy, but I would point out there are many fine Belgian and German lagers as well. In fact, I like most types of beer, except those awful ones with fruit in them! 🙂
I remember the advert, TR.
“Best buy McEwan’s
The best buy in beer!”
The McEwan’s jingle is one of the best, Sheona. A long lost favourite has been making a comeback and is available in the rock bar I frequent: Tartan Special. A tasty beer and not to be confused with the awful Tennent’s Special. You’ll remember the Tartan jingle.
Once you’ve tasted Tartan Special, nothing else tastes quite the same.
I’m having difficulty figuring out why its called ‘export’ and then sold in Glasgow, do they make a ‘non-export’ ?
Here’s one:
😉
Thanks, Soutie! 🙂