I am really not happy at the moment. My kitchen is sopping wet, not because of anything that I did, but because the water heater that my neighbour Osama and I share burst. It happens to be directly above my flat. For the past 24 hours, despite all efforts, it has continued to leak. The concept of calling the contractor seems like a simple one, right? Well, you’d be mistaken. The landlady is on holiday in Taiwan at the moment and her son, Osama, cannot communicate with the contractor as he doesn’t speak Cantonese. Despite his having lived in the USA for 30 years, the contractor never bothered learning English which puts us at a distinct disadvantage when she is not around. Osama has promised to call the assurance company and have them send someone, but the amount of water damage to my kitchen is fairly bad. About a fourth of the paint had boiled and I’ve spent much of the night moving things around to mitigate any potential damages to property.
Now if you excuse me, I need to begin heating water for my sponge bath.
Boadicea's Chariot 
Okay, now I’m a racist for complaining about the English bit.
Christopher, you have my sympathy. But you should be able to sue your landlady for millions for all the mental trauma, not to mention damaged property. Of course mentioning the word litigation might improve Osama’s English immediately and dramatically.
Oh, what a nightmare, Christopher. I do hope someone can do something soon.
Good evening, Christopher. Excuse me while I try to get my thick lupine brain around this.
1) Your neighbour (neighbor?) is Osama
2) Your landlady’s son is also Osama (the same one???)
3) #2 does not speak Cantonese.
4) The contractor only speaks Cantonese.
5) Neither of the Osamas can spell ‘insurance’ and probably not ‘al-um-in-ium’ either.
Pack your bags, young man. Australia beckons for the post-graduate phase of your career 🙂
OZ
Yikes Christopher!
What a total rump-ache.
On th epositive side, I note from the USPS Tracking site that your latest order has arrived. Lemme know what you think? But please don’t get the wood wet, it will move all over the palce. 🙂
I don’t consider it ‘racist’ to complain that people living in a a country other than their birth-country do not speak the language of the country they have chosen to live in… makes me hopping mad to have to deal with non-English-speaking people!
Good luck with the clean-up and compensation for the damage…
Senhor Lobo:
1. Osama is my landlady’s son. His real name is Madison. He nearly blew the house up by ignoring a gas leak for several days. Later, he put burning coals into a plastic dustbin that stood against the neighbour’s wood wall. Their house caught fire and there was moderate damage. Those are the reasons for the name.
2. The contractor only speaks Cantonese. My landlady speaks it, but Osama does not. Thus, I have to ask one of my friends who is from Canton to call the contractor and give him the message.
3. Before I called him Osama, I referred to him as Drinky McPothead as he spent most of his time drunk and stoned. He can’t even send paperwork out on time, much less spell aluminium.
4. Once I finish me advanced degree, I plan on going to any country that takes me. Until then, I intend to move out of California to a better state with better people.
Sheona: my landlady is helping from Taiwan by giving my the message to pass on to my friend. I won’t blame her, although I am no longer on speaking terms with her son. If anything does have to be said, he can find someone else who speaks German as that is the language I will use with him.
Ferret: I have called the Mutter and she picked the package up today. I won’t be able to see it until next weekend when I go back to the countryside for a few days. Will let you know what I think once I see it.
Boadicea: When I arrived in the USA, I also didn’t speak English. It’s something that I have managed to become quite proficient in. He was older when he moved to the USA, but it’s not too difficult to at least be able to communicate with people in English. When I mentioned to him that I also had to learn it, he grew even angrier. I’ve tolerated his stupidity because it was never personal. This time, he made it personal and I will not abide by that.
Quickly go out, buy a cheap piece of old furniture and then place it right under the leak …. let it get wet and ruined and then tell the insurance company it was an antique King Luis piece 🙂