The Imminent Wedding

Zorb of Klig slithered across the room on five of his tentacles, swiveled his single green eye towards her and bid a hearty hello to his inamorata, the lady Billa of Arachnia.  She had curled her millipedal self into a perfect spiral in the middle of her favorite armchair and was awaiting his arrival with interest.

Zorb, a member of the senior species of Klig was a cephalopod and like all from his planet had an odd number of tentacles.  The royals of Klig had fifteen or seventeen tentacles, depending on breeding and generation, Zorb, a member of the minor aristocracy, had eleven, although one was a poor shriveled thing that had never reached it’s full potential.  Billa on the other hand was a full-blown royal on her native planet Arachnia where a large even number of legs was the accepted measure of breeding.  Her 1002 appendages each terminating in a spherical rotating nodule, known as a football, made her both a true royal and enabled her to skate about with lightning speed when she so chose.

“The key is here at last.” She said expectantly, bobbing an eye stalk towards the table on which rested a dual use memory device.  “The what?” Said Zorb, displaying a lack of intellect that was a minor disappointment to Billa.  “The decryption key to unlock our genomes dear, you remember, we each must use it before the nuptials can take place.”  “Wonderful” responded Zorb rekindling Billa’s affection with a single word.  “At last we can be married.”  He moved damply across the carpet and flopped himself down in his favorite puddle.   “When you are fully hydrated my dear, come and sit with me and we can discuss the details” chirped Billa.   “Let us do it now, I am never sure of myself when too close to that thing” replied Zorb pointing a shaky shorter tentacle at the chair  “Oh! Zorb, it’s only an armchair, and is very comfortable when one is used to it” she responded. “And why ‘ARMchair’ my dear Billa, what in the Galaxy is an arm?”    “My dear Zorb, I have told you before, arms are the prehensile appendages of the human species, they each have two you know.”  “Two!  What a pathetic deprived bunch they must be, even the poorest specimen on Klig has a minimum of five tentacles and on Arachnia the lowest forms must have close to a hundred legs, surely these beings can offer us nothing of value?”  “Well, I like my armchair” was Billa’s only response.

They sat in silence for while, then Zorb reached out with his longest tentacle and gently touched Billa on the 327^th right football, (a particularly sensitive spot for her) and employing a tender stroking motion he whispered “Dear Billa, do not be upset by my ignorance of such things, my education was sadly lacking in this area, as you know, in my youth I was focused on the study of economics and my whole life has been spent in protecting the Galactic currency, the Universal Reckoning Obligation (commonly known as the URO) from speculation by evil elements, and outside of those feckless twelve legged Dodecapods of the planet Gyali who have caused yet another URO crisis I know little of other species or their artifacts”

“Dear Zorb, I know plenty enough for both of us and much of that is hardly worth recalling, let us be happy and talk of marriage, when and where and of what form, I think we should exchange golden rings to show our union at the ceremony”  bubbled Billa happily.  “A fine idea” said Zorb, “I would like to wear mine in my third ear which I will have pierced with one hole for the occasion”  “That’s an excellent idea” said Billa, “It would be unsuitable on even your thinnest tentacle, and I must have  two rings which open so that I can wear them on my fourth pair of appendages and they can be slipped over my footballs.”
“That’s very traditional Billa and I admire you for it, despite the evenness of it all.  You will look splendid as you speed along with that gold flashing bright in the sunshine”
“Oh, how I long to be married and have your pupae” said Billa dreamily.
“Yes” said Zorb “we should have seven or nine, perhaps one of each sex.”
“EVEN more” purred Billa “we will have lots of time for PAIRING”

“Strange, I feel odder than usual” muttered Zorb. “but I expect it will be alright on the day.”

Author: Low Wattage

Expat Welshman, educated (somewhat) in UK, left before it became fashionable to do so. Now a U.S. Citizen, and recent widower, playing with retirement and house remodeling, living in Delaware and rural Maryland (weekends). View all posts by Low Wattage