How a Splendid Auto-Da-Fe was Held to Prevent Earthquakes, and How Candide was Flogged
After the earthquake, which had destroyed three-quarters of the city of Lisbon, the wise men of that country could think of no means more effectual to preserve the kingdom from utter ruin than to entertain the people with an auto-da-fe, it having been decided by the University of Coimbra, that the sight of several persons being burned alive in great ceremony is an infallible secret for preventing earthquakes.
In consequence thereof they had seized on a Biscayan for marrying his godmother, and on two Portuguese for taking out the bacon of a larded pullet they were eating; after dinner they came and secured Dr. Pangloss, and his pupil Candide, the one for speaking his mind, and the other for seeming to approve what he had said.
They were conducted to separate apartments, extremely cool, where they were never incommoded with the sun. Eight days afterwards they were each dressed in a sanbenito, and their heads were adorned with paper mitres. The mitre and sanbenito worn by Candide were painted with flames reversed and with devils that had neither tails nor claws; but Dr. Pangloss’s devils had both tails and claws, and his flames were upright. In these habits they marched in procession, and heard a very pathetic sermon, which was followed by an anthem, accompanied by bagpipes.
Candide was flogged to some tune, while the anthem was being sung; the Biscayan and the two men who would not eat bacon were burned, and Pangloss was hanged, which is not a common custom at these solemnities. The same day there was another earthquake, which made most dreadful havoc.
Candide, amazed, terrified, confounded, astonished, all bloody, and trembling from head to foot, said to himself, “If this is the best of all possible worlds, what are the others? If I had only been whipped, I could have put up with it, as I did among the Bulgarians; but, not withstanding, oh my dear Pangloss! my beloved master! thou greatest of philosophers! that ever I should live to see thee hanged, without knowing for what! O my dear Anabaptist, thou best of men, that it should be thy fate to be drowned in the very harbor! O Miss Cunegonde, you mirror of young ladies! that it should be your fate to have your body ripped open!”
He was making the best of his way from the place where he had been preached to, whipped, absolved and blessed, when he was accosted by an old woman, who said to him, “Take courage, child, and follow me.”
Boadicea's Chariot 
Tout est pour le mieux dans le meilleur des mondes possible.
And yet I only know this from Candide, “Dans ce pays-ci, il est bon de tuer de temps en temps un amiral pour encourager les autres.” That of course was in reference to Admiral Byng and the Battle of Minorca.
Not the happiest of chappies, old Voltaire.
..or possibly Voltaire was saying exactly the opposite, Sheona!
After all, the auto da fe didn’t work!
How do you know, Araminta. The earthquakes that followed might have been worse had not hose ghastly heretics not been burned beforehand. Maybe it required more such acts of faith!
Sipu: it was supposedly an “infallible” secret ceremony for preventing earthquakes, but “the same day there was another earthquake, which made most dreadful havoc.”
Now, it either worked or it didn’t, and I’d say that on balance it made not one iota of difference, which I think was rather Voltaire’s point.
He didn’t set much store in such “acts of faith” being rather more inclined to embrace the science of The Enlightenment, rather than the dogma of organised religion, but I don’t think he was ever an atheist.
Ah, that was the problem. It was supposed to be secret, but as Voltaire described it, this was a ‘great ceremony’. It seems to me that he got a little bit confused by it all. But, as I say, maybe some earthquakes were indeed prevented by the ‘auto da fe’. Imagine how many there would otherwise have been. As the Grand Inquisitor might have said, ‘Next time no more Mr Nice Guy!’
On a slightly more serious note, if you have never done so, read the chapter from Fyodor Dostoevsky’s The Brothers Karamazov called “The Grand Inquisitor”. It is chilling stuff. Read the whole book.
Sipu.
No more Mr Nice Guy indeed! 😉
I think on a more serious note that the message conveyed by Dostoevsky is very much on the same theme; the challenge of religion belief versus reason, and the suffering of mankind is senseless and questions the Christian philosophy that this is somehow ennobling.
Hello Bleuebelle.
Interesting extract. I read Candide for A’level so my memories of Voltaire’s message may be a little skewed, so I probably failed to understand your point.
I haven’t been around for the last few days so I’m trying to catch up! 🙂
Hello Ara…I posted this to counter (my own!) earlier blog about Voltaire in which I quoted him praising multiculturalism, or the coexistence of various Christian sects. I was talking about Candide this week with some students – we have been advised not to read it with them in class, owing to its gratuitously violent and subversive nature. Of course, once I said ‘don’t read this at home’, they immediately perked up and wanted to read it…
I should add that I wanted to write a blog about Voltaire, but then thought, why not just let him speak for himself?The translation is somewhat archaic, but Voltaire can tear straight through time and come straight at you…
So what changes?
All very well for the mockery then, what with the Italians who are currently taking the scientists to court for failing to predict the earthquake now a couple of hundred years later?
One despairs.
I know, Christina. Thanks one and all for the comments. I wonder if someone who published a similar satirical book today, attacking religious extremism,would fare any better…? Probably not.