I had a call this morning, the bits in Italics were in Afrikaans, I’ve translated them for publication here….
Me: Good morning
Scammer: I wish to talk to you about your windows operating system
Me: Excuse me
Scammer: Hello
Me: Ja
Scammer: I need to talk to you about your Windows system
Me: Can you speak Afrikaans
Scammer (now realizes that I’m speaking a foreign language): Do you speak English?
Me: Excuse!
Scammer: Doo yooo speeek English
Me: A small piece
Scammer: Good, I want to discuss your home Windows system
Me: Windows?
Scammer: Yes
Me: I have windows
Scammer: Good
Me: They is aluminum
Scammer: No no
Me: Yes, they sliding
Scammer: No no, for your home computer
Me: Yes, I slide them with my arm
Scammer: Do you have a computer
Me: Computer?
Scammer: Yes
Me: No
Hangs up! 🙂
I’m not quite sure what the scam is, I didn’t give him the time, he was obviously cold canvassing and wanted to sell me something or perhaps get my credit card details.
Fortunately I’d had a similar phone call about a week previously and I’d regretted cutting them short and not stringing them along, I got my money’s worth this morning!
Boadicea's Chariot 
The usual scam is to is to get you to allow remote desktop access to “DEBUG YOUR COMPUTER”, i.e. install a load of malware on it.I do not respond in Afrikaans so much as Anglo-Saxon!
Thanks FEEG, bugs? Perhaps I’ll let the discussion get that far next time, mosquitoes, cockroaches, crickets, could have some fun 😉
The dreaded cold caller; that must be the worst job in the world. I feel sorry for the older people that are duped by these callers. Thankfully, my mum can spot them from a mile away.
“Don’t phone here again, sonny.”
Howzit Soutie and a nice one – I have the same problem in reverse. Cold caller from Portugal Telecom (for instance) rings at OFFS hrs of the morning or night. Although I speak Portuguese perfectly well it usually goes like this, using your same italics for the Portuguese bits.
PT: Good evening (this being quarter past ten at night), I wish to speak to Mr Zangado, owner of number 555123321
OZ: You have reached hin (formally, just on the off chance it really is a good deal)
PT: Good evening. We have a special offer this weekend on blah….blah…blah and you can save blah…blah…blah if you use your phone between blah…blah…blah on the fourth Sunday in every month and on national holidays.
OZ: Pardon?
PT: Good evening. We have a special offer this weekend on blah….blah…blah and you can save blah…blah…blah if you use your phone between blah…blah…blah on the fourth Sunday in every month and on national holidays.
OZ: I’m sorry. I don’t understand. I have only recently moved to Portugal and I’m trying to learn the language but….
PT: Click, brrrrrrrrrrrr…………
Between you and me I hate using this tactic. It is not my country and I should be expected to know the language (which I do), but it is the only defence at OFFS hrs at night.
OZ
My mother had a couple of similar calls last year. One, I think, said they were from PC world. Fortunately even at 89 she was sufficiently alert not to fall for them.
We have a silent number (unlisted) and I’m not nearly as polite as either Soutie or OZ if anyone tries cold-calling here. I don’t wait for them to even start their spiel but demand where they got the number from. The answer that they generated it, or got it from an old listing is met with a very short “Ungenerate it – or wipe it off your list” and I hang up.
It may be the worse job in the world (and I agree) but no one has to do it…
How true Boadicea. I try to be the most polite of souls, but I make an exception in the case of cold-callers.
OZ
I heard my dogs barking yesterday morning, checked the front door and found a salesman who had my meter box opened and was fiddling inside.
I asked what he thought he was doing inside the meter box and he replied that it was ok because he worked for the energy company.
“Good, I said, then let’s have your name and employee number because by fiddling with my meter box you just disrupted the info in my computer and it’s public liability insured for $8 Million, please wait there while I call the police”
I went inside, put the kettle on and when I came back he was gone 😦
I wonder why? 🙂
I am notoriously, often maddeningly, difficult to contact by telephone. In San Francisco I only have my mobile which is shut off virtually all the time. Unless, of course, I am using it as an alarm clock — which is really the only purpose it has. Thus, I get very, very few calls and when people do call they know that they will not be getting a response until at least the next day. When in the country, even fewer people know my telephone number. Thus, I feel perfectly content to let any message be recorded as it rarely is for me.
Even when it is for me, I often don’t bother picking up unless it is really important.
Hee hee morning all.
I’m normally polite when the phone rings, if it’s somebody selling something I listen to their opening gambit and politely decline, I have no problem with people trying to make a living. If a charity calls I let them know that they have reached the headquarters of Autism Eastern Cape and they usually understand, we wish each other well in our fundraising efforts and move on.
This however was definitely a fraud, how does he know I have a computer and if I have that it runs on Windows, he’s chancing his arm and for that I have little time.
I find its fun to keep them talking “Hey, I’m pleased you phoned, I’ve got a piece of equipment here, you might be interested in buying, its great, it stops people ………………” Oh drat, he’s rung off.
The calls that Soutie refer to are not just cold, but illegal. The callers nearly always have an Indian accent, so I am guessing most of them emanate from India. In he UK, you can register your number with the Telephone Preference Service and that adds it to a list of numbers that cannot be called cold. Anyone cold calling your number is then doing so illegally and can be reported.
The problem is that:
a) It only applies to UK companies.
b) If you have ever done business of any sort with the caller, they are entitled to call you.
We frequently get cold callers in France, more than in England. What is most annoying is when there is a long pause between answering the phone and someone speaking to you because their clever machine has dialled several numbers and they wait to see which one answers. I usually start singing a French song which starts “Allo, allo, James, quelles nouvelles” or alternatively the English “Hallo, hallo, who’s your lady friend”. The impression of a mad woman on the end of the phone results in a broken connection.