I would like the opinion of others on this site about a sad event from last week that is just starting to unfold.
Last Thursday morning we received a call from ma in law, my wife’s sister had been found sprawled out in her conservatory dead, she had been there at least 48 hours, looking like suicide. Toxicology reports have confirmed that she had taken an overdose of her tablets and there was a note, citing some married bloke she was going out with, who by all accounts is not a nice guy, married 3 very young kids and known for violence (don’t ask I don’t know).
Now my serious question is if you were taking an overdose to kill yourself would you be lying on a cold stone concrete floor in the conservatory, especially as she is disabled and has trouble getting up, or would you be in bed or an arm chair?
I can’t help but feel there is more to this than meets the eye, also she adores her cats and just left them, which is unlike her.
Boadicea's Chariot 
Firstly Rick, I have say this news is dreadful, and I send my good wishes to you. Secondly, its not an easy question to answer. When someone takes their life, I’m not sure they care where they are when death comes, but I could be wrong of course. A person is in a very unhappy place to take their own life, and normal thinking doesn’t enter into it. I know the thinking behind your question, did she take her own life, or………
I assume the family is expressing these concerns to the police, if so, I’m sure an investigation will be carried out. Its not easy to make sense of a tragedy like this, Take care Rick, and your wife, and family.
Rick, outright i would say it is odd to be found on a cold stone floor in circumstances where one took an overdose of pills. I guess you know the position your sister-in-law was found and surely the police would take that into account. Its possible she just lay down there and then, and outward sign of giving up, and then took the pills. Did the police questioning lead anyone to think there it may not have been suicide? Was the body examined properly or did PC Plod just come to an assumption.
You are probably beating yourself up about it knowing some of the background of the boyfriend. I would have a chat to the Police to lay your thoughts down. Otherwise you going to chew over this and it will eat you up. I’m really sorry for the distress this has caused your family.
Some points that need to be asked.
1. Alcohol in her system? Where is the glass if so.
2. Where is the pill bottle that was used, in the conservatory or elsewhere?
3. Where was the note found?
4. Effects of the tablets, how fast do they act, could she possibly have walked after she had ingested them, would an overdose have negated the effects of her disablement?
Sounds like you at least need to ask questions of the police for your own peace of mind.
It may be uncharitable but some people are just better off out of it, a chilly pragmatic view, but what else can you do really, not a lot.
Does anyone seriously think the boyfriend had anything to do with this, or is it a grasping at straws because the family do not wish to grapple with suicide?
I have been here in a way, my ex tried to accuse the priest of asphyxiating the boy in the hospice, his wife and I had to actively dissuade him from making a police matter of it. he just couldn’t cope with the fact that the boy had gone, even when he had been actively dying for two years.
People react in this way as a defence mechanism. make sure you and yours take a strict reality check.
My best wishes in dealing with it all.
Yikes Rick,
This is a terrible thing chum.
Personally I reckon if someone is in such a state of utter despair that they are capable of killing themselves, any normal thought processes are off the menu. I have suffered some very depressing times, never at any stage would I have considered suicide. I cannot imagine the level of devastation which might drive a person to such an act, but I would wager considerations like ‘that floor looks a bit cold’ would be the last priority on the list.
People do very odd things in times of grief chum, folk go on about how useless plod is but they do know a lot about this kind of thing and I might be tempted to trust their instincts at such a distressing time.
Thanks all for the replies. I know people do odd things and believe me her sister did weird things, but I can’t see her lying on a cold stone, she liked her comforts and heat too much.
Might find out more next week when we go down.,
CoB no booze just water in her system she did not drink at home as far as I know, if she did she never offered me one 🙂
Trouble is I don’t want to interfere with ma in law even though I have doubts. Still we have told her to check the bank accounts pronto and stop them as she is deceased, this may throw light on the matter. Especially as there was a will and the police found it and left it on the table, but it has since vanished (just found out). Not that it matters her house belongs to ma in law and the rest of her estate is very small a few thousand (less than 10k)
Oh dear, a real problem, if any help from you is seen as interference perhaps it would be better left at arms length whatever your suspicions.
These things have a nasty way of taking a circuitous route round families. Your help pisses off MinL, who has a go at your wife who ends up having a serious go at you. The best of intentions can go thus.
If money is missing though, however small the amount, unless she was in the habit of giving the boyfriend handouts then I think you do have to do something. If nothing is missing may well be better to take a low profile.
I have never known prescription tablets be that quick, she may have taken them and wandered off to see to something or look at something and then dropped, only serious poisons cause a literal drop dead in seconds. I had a cousin that used to do it all the time, take overdoses of prescription drugs, hers and others she lifted and then ring her mother who rang me in central London at work etc.. I of course had to drop everything and get the wretched idiot bitch carted off to Charing X hospital. After half a dozen times of this without her resorting to a psychiatrist her mother and I told her plainly that we were not going to rescue her again and we would leave her to die. That finally stopped it. So I know full well that prescription drugs are rarely that quick, in fact I know of none, so she more than likely would have had time to make a phone call had she wanted to.
If you have suspicions about the boyfriend how could he have got her to eat so many willingly?
Bad situation rr, damned if you do and damned if you don’t!
Whatever address the whole thing with total rationality, I doubt your wife is quite herself at the moment.
PS I presume you have insisted on a full PM?
Not a quick flick of the eyeball type so beloved by most these days to save money?
Sorry to hear of this. Is there to be an inquest? If so, this might be the place to raise your concerns.
Did she usually wear glasses?
Most suicides who normally wear glasses take them off before they kill themselves – analogous to preparing to go to sleep. So if she did and was still wearing them on the conservatory floor, get suspicious.
As Christina said – pills do not work instantly. It is perfectly possible that your sister in law took an overdose in a ‘comfortable’ place, and then wandered around afterwards without knowing what she was doing or where she was before collapsing on the conservatory floor.
RR, my sympathy to you, your wife and her family.
Just been told the police want to interview the boyfriend, but we don’t know why.
I have kept quiet and at arms length as we are 300 miles away and don’t really know everything, but her mother who is on hand has said to the wife she is suspicious of the whole thing.
I will add sister in law was a bit loopy and unstable, but who knows, just wait and see I suppose.
Having worked with/for certain authorities for many years, Rick, I can only advice you to stay out of it, keep your “ears” open, ask no questions but listen to everybody. (and read the papers a lot, look for names of those involved)
She may have taken pills as an act of suicide then at the last moment dragged her way out of her chosen death bed and towards whatever salvation she though was possible, this is the most common scenario.
The cats or other animals would have meant nothing at this stage in her life if she really wanted to suicide, by then she would have resolved in her ill mind some way or another (right or wrong) by which the animals would have been looked after.
If the boyfriend was mentioned in the death letter then the police have to question him, that doesn’t mean anything else than that he has to be questioned, don’t take it any further in your mind .. keep things neat … don’t add to the confusion.
The answer is in your stomach …. gut feeling … how did you “feel” when you found out she was dead by suicide? .. the first feeling … 😦
Rick, how ghastly for you all. I can’t add anything to all that has written here. Be strong, patient and persistent, the answers will come. My deepest sympathy to you all.
My condolences to you and your family Rick.
I have, thank God, only known two people who have committed suicide and neither were related to me. One poor chap leapt from a window at the hospital were he was being treated for chronic depression caused by money worries so I guess there was no doubt in his mind what the outcome of his actions would be.
The other poor soul was somewhat different. He was a very clever guy who had degrees in medicine and was liked by all. He did not enter the medical research field and chose to do another job where he was known as ‘Prof’ to one and all. He had a few problems and I was shocked and saddened to hear that he had committed suicide, but the official view was that he may not have meant it to end in his death. He took certain substances which most certainly would have killed him but not outright and because other substances were found nearby that would have counteracted the first draft, it was thought that he only wanted to adopt what is known as ‘the cry for help.’ No one will ever know and I’m just wondering if your Sister-In-Law went too far with the dose in the hope that she would be found alive. I’m not suggesting that her problems were being ignored by you or anyone else but a verdict that inlcludes the phrase. ‘While the balance of the mind was disturbed’ is not uncommon.