The Political Wife : Going back

Part One can be found here.

Going back

She drifted in New York. The first week away was a blur and she alternated between frantic socialising and staying in her room at the hotel and cutting herself off. She did not allow herself to think too deeply about anything, and her future was just that, the future; something to be considered but not just yet.

She felt no guilt whatsoever;  no emotional turmoil, no regrets, no self- recrimination. Nothing.  She just lived for the moment and slept when she felt cut off from humanity. She refused any contact with home and moved through New York in a disconnected way. She enjoyed it but despised the shallowness whilst acknowledging her inability to connect with humanity in more than superficial and selfish sort of way. She slept off the excesses and did not dream.

The second week, she headed for Cape Cod; renting a modest house on the coast she walked for hours, swam but still felt no strong desire to return to reality. She sent emails to Gwen and the children but satisfied that they seemed to be coping, she put all thoughts of them to one side.

Two months on and the days were growing cooler. She felt rested and fitter than she had done for years. The email was not unexpected but it jolted her out of her trance.

Come home, he died yesterday.. We need to talk. Email me with flight details and I’ll meet you at the airport. Love Gwen.

Arrivals and she spotted Gwen immediately. Still slightly overweight, solidly just there, and hopelessly unfashionable, she never changed, but Jill just felt relieved to fall into her arms. Back to reality, back to Gwen, and she felt suddenly as if she had never left.

She was happy to leave the details of her return and what she somehow felt was her reunion with reality in Gwen’s capable hands. Jet lagged and still feeling detached she allowed Gwen to bundle her into a car and she slept until they arrived at Gwen’s house on the outskirts of the pretty village where she and The Politician had lived for so many wasted years.

She stepped through the door, and immediately she was assailed by memories of the past. The cosy but chaotic sitting room with the mismatched but comfortable furniture and the log fire, reminded her so bloody much of the hours she had spent here, with Gwen, talking over her problems and receiving support and comfort from someone who cared and had simply listened and then so skilfully had pointed her in the right direction and given her the courage to continue.

Gwen opened the kitchen doors and Jill’s two Labradors launched themselves in her direction and she burst into tears.

“These two reprobates were driving your daughter mad, so they’ve been here for the last two months and I’ve enjoyed the company”, . “Don’t say a bloody word, Jill, they’ve missed you too, but so have we all!”said Gwen, as she fielded the dogs and heated the soup for supper.

The two women faced each other over the kitchen table. Gwen was in control as usual and was going over the funeral details, when she faltered and concentrated on her soup. She carefully broke off a piece of her bread roll and hesitated.

“Jill, I know the bastard was unfaithful, but do you have any idea why? Don’t forget, I have known him since university and you were a relative newcomer into our circle.”

Jill looked up, amazed. She really had forgotten that Gwen had known her husband for so many years. She had always assumed that since Gwen’s divorce, just shortly after her marriage to the Politian, Gwen was her friend, and always on her side. Moreover, although she was aware that Gwen was something behind the scenes politically, she had forgotten that she started out as a researcher, as indeed had the Politician.

Gwen looked up and suddenly saw the expression on her friend’s face. Misery was there, fear and vulnerability too, but more than that, she saw naked jealously and hate.

“Gwen what is it? Why are you looking at me like this?”

Gwen paused again, but  snapped angrily:

“I loved him too you know, and I sacrificed a lot more Jill. He married you, you had children and I didn’t. Have you never wondered why? Yes, he was unfaithful to you, but what about me? I furthered his career and kept you on track for years, and now I have lost him too. He may have been a lousy husband and lover, but he was an inspired and respected politician once.”

“Do you know, we were a good team, you and I? You and the family gave him stability and I gave him love. Why the bloody hell he needed anything else, I will never comprehend, but we understood our roles, didn’t we? We both had to cut him loose; besides it was the PM’s decision.”

Jill just looked at her. She actually felt sorry for Gwen but there was something quite primeval that made her react as she did.

The soup was no longer hot but it did make a mess on the kitchen floor. The two dogs were happy to clear it up, but Jill dragged them off and snatched the car keys from the rack by the door. She loaded the dogs into the back of Gwen’s car and drove off.

When did Gwen say the funeral was, and did she care?