APPLES & WINE
Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren’t as good, but are real easy.
The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they’re amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along. The one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
Now, men…. Men are like a fine wine.
They begin as grapes, and it’s up to women to stomp the sh*t out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
Feel free to add a joke if you think you are up to it.
🙂
Boadicea's Chariot 
If a woman trod on me in the way you described, I would probably give a little whine.
At last, the truth is out 🙂 🙂 toc.
I’m sure there’s a windfall joke in there somewhere.
If I want an apple from the top of the tree I usually find a long prod to be most useful.
OMG – You dirty old genius, you. 😀
OZ
MAN OF THE HOUSE
A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, “You Can Be THE Man of Your House.”
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, “From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m done eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert.. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want!
Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”
The wife replied, “The f****ing’ funeral director would be my first guess.