Black and white: A Christmas Story

“Sorry, Old Girl” said the Major, as his wife glared at him over the top of her reading glasses. It’s true though, he thought to himself. The seasonal covering of snow made them easier to spot, they stood out like sore thumbs. She was glad when it thawed but there was more on the way. The Major always loved snow on Christmas Day. On his short walk to the doctor’s surgery he had spotted three of them. They are taking over, can’t move a bloody inch without falling over one. Send them all back home where they belong. Can’t be doing with this he thought; they’ll be breeding like rabbits and taking over the country.

Geraldine attacked her embroidery angrily. Stupid racist old bigot; she’d been married to the old bugger for sixty years but he’d been getting worse recently. It was probably his piles acting up again. Serves him right she thought. He had refused to shake hands with the consultant at the local hospital, and asked him if he spoke English in an unnecessarily loud voice. He had been a bit put out when he discovered that Mr. Mansur had been educated at Eton and Cambridge. He’d been back to the surgery this morning to ask for a referral to another consultant, and the new locum Dr. Kamal bumped him right to the bottom of the waiting list, so there was no chance of an appointment until Easter. Still, the downside was that he’d be even more miserable than usual, and with Christmas fast approaching, this was not a comforting thought. She’s better warn the family.

She’s done all the Christmas shopping last weekend on a rare trip to London. The Major had missed a really excellent party in celebration of their granddaughter Molly’s engagement. He wouldn’t travel up to town these days. Terrorists apparently, the place is full of Muslims all waiting to kill him. God, she found it hard to believe that he’d been a dashing young officer once. She also went alone to visit their daughter in Germany each year He couldn’t stand the Germans and he was furious when their son bought a Japanese car.

Christmas Eve and the family were arriving soon. She’d finished cooking the mince pies, made the stock with the turkey giblets and left the onion, cloves and milk infusing on the aga for the bread sauce. It was a blessed relief to escape to the kitchen, The Major was talking about joining the EDL, which frankly she thought completely ridiculous at his age, but he’d been banging on about it all day. Hopefully he’d drop the subject when the children arrived.

Molly and her fiancé were the first to arrive – unfortunately in a BMW!

Molly came through the door, followed by her fiancé carrying their bags.

The Major beamed at his favourite grandchild and said,” Just tell your driver to take the luggage upstairs and then get that abomination off the drive.”

” Time to introduce me to the lucky young man”, he said. “Where the devil is he?”

Geraldine kissed the nonplussed young man on the cheek, and said, “How lovely to meet you again, Tariq.”

“Do come in, we’ll open the champagne. Major, a soft drink for Tariq please, he doesn’t drink alcohol! Happy Christmas everyone; it’s snowing again.”

Boxing Day, the Major was very very depressed. The country was going to the dogs, he announced at lunch, after the family had all departed. He kept playing the CD his wife had bought him for Christmas, but he detected a certain malicious irony in her choice. It has stopped snowing by Christmas Day and it rained. He wasn’t feeling either merry or bright and sitting down was extremely painful. It was certainly not the Christmas he had dreamt of, but then everything had changed.

The Old Girl, bless her, had bought him a cushion which helped, but did not quite dispel his gloom. She’s also arranged for him to see Mr Mansur privately next week and offered to pay. She wasn’t such a bad old stick.

Geraldine smiled. Next year, he’d agreed to spend Christmas in Germany.