A cannibal, newly converted,
was rather a tad disconcerted
when his honeymoon sweetie
spurned everything meaty
as though it were something perverted.
Though initially pleased with his wife
and the wonders of spiritual life,
t’was a shock to discover
his meat-averse lover
had struck at his heart like a knife.
As they grazed on green vegetable matter,
faux sausage and apples in batter,
his pleasures were fleeting
his anger was heating
and soon he grew mad as a hatter.
To hell with the flowers and confetti,
the tofu and tasteless spaghetti,
he’d rather revert
to a nose bone and skirt
and his skill with a sharpened machete!
With a cackling shriek of elation
(and aided by liberal libation),
he planned a fine feast
with the heart of the beast
and was doomed to eternal damnation.
Awaking (hung-over), he thought,
though perfection was what he had sought,
the mum-in-law starter
created a martyr
and the main course just couldn’t be caught.
Boadicea's Chariot 
Beaut, Bilby. How sweet to read one that scans like it orta. But then we ‘Aussies’ and Aussies know all about popular poetry, but? 😀
A tour de force, Bilbers. Thanks. 🙂
Brilliant!
Thank you, Bearsy. 🙂 Your ‘classic Queenslander’ is charming. One rarely encounters such a ‘but’ placement in deepest, darkest Oxon (or ‘Oxen’, according to my Qld friend, despite repeated correction).
Thank you for your kind words, Janus and Nym. 🙂
Bilbers, ‘though but’, I recall is a Geordie thing too.
No doubt you’re right, Janus. Haven’t met any Geordies round these parts either. I thought it rather odd when I first heard it in Qld, but.
Touch of the Ginger Meggs!
Do you remember him, Bilby?
‘When the Bo-at Comes In’ was filled with ‘though buts’.
Yes I do, Bearsy, but not with any great clarity.
Was it really, Janus? I used to watch it (loved it), but obviously my memory wasn’t participating.
Click on the picture for a larger, readable version.
NOW I understand. 🙂
Thanks, Bearsy.
I looked up Ginger and see he was created in the 1920s. I knew the name and his face is familiar, probably from the cartoons and comic strips.
I just clicked … very funny. 🙂
Fab, Bilby, it’s not a limerick, it’s a novel, or at least a new form! Let’s see they call it a crown of sonnets, so would this be chaplet of limericks? a cap of limericks? a beanie of limericks?
Love the illo as well.
A silk top hat? A cloche? A diadem?
Jaime, hello! Given its Gaelic connections, it must be a ‘ceilidh of limericks’ – a literary entertainment with songs and poems. 🙂
Hi, Jaime!
Thanks very much for your kind comment.
A bowler, a bonnet? I like ‘chaplet’ and Janus’ ‘ceilidh’; even though it’s not a head covering, it can result in a sore head.
🙂
Oh, sorry, Bilbers. How’s about a tam-o-shanter o’ limericks? Scottish is Gaelic, innit?
Bit of a mouthful, Janus. 🙂 Any other Scottish/Irish hats, I wonder?
I give up. All the ancients seem to wear Tam o Shanters.
Bilby: A winner of a limerick from your pen. Perhaps collectively a Glengarry of limericks, or given the location, an Akubra of limericks.
Nice to see you, Low Wattage, and thank you kindly.
A Glengarry always sounds good to me. Cheers! An Akubra? Lovely thought, but perhaps it should be something closer to these shores. I left my rather battered Akubra in Oz; it was brilliant for horse riding. I miss it, but can’t imagine wearing it here. 🙂
Hiya, Bilby – Excellent writing. How about a neutral Portuguese chapéu to keep it in? I still have my Akubra and wear it proudly on cold, rainy days, much to the amusement of the villagers, along with a pair of R.M. Williams boots that fit as comfortably as old slippers. Sadly, my ankle length Ned Kelly-style Driza-Bone is no more. Sob!
OZ
Thank you, Oz, dear wolf; we haven’t bumped into each other for ages.
Any old hat will do for me. 🙂
I still have some R M Willams boots, but haven’t worn them lately. Oh, swoon, an ankle length Ned Kelly-style Driza Bone”. Did you give it a good funeral?
PS I would have hung on to the Akubra, but a wire worked its way out and became horribly painful.
Soooo, the way to unlock a Bilby is nothing more complicated than an ankle length Ned Kelly-style Driza-Bone, eh? (Strokes whiskers thoughtfully) Stupid wolf – why didn’t you think of that before? No matter – I now need to go on a lope for a few days and do some shopping. Hello! Qantas…….
OZ
Qantas?! Can you wait until they get themselves sorted, OZ? Wolves and presents are best intact. 😀