Office Speak you love to hate….
I thank God on awaking every morning – or I would if I did that sort of thing – that I have been spared management goobledegook these past nigh ten years. What in-phrase inclines you to want to throw a brick through the office window when you hear it?
Author: coldwaterjohn
CWJ travelled extensively with his family, having worked in eleven countries over thirty years. A keen photographer, holding a Private Pilot's Licence, he focuses mainly on landscape and aerial imagery. Having worked in the Middle East extensively he follows developments in that region with particular interest, and views with growing concern, the radicalisation flowing from Islamic fundamentalism, and the intolerance for opposing views, stemming from it.
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Boadicea's Chariot 
Maybe not “Management” gobbledegook, but I want to throw a brick at anyone who tells me when I complain: “Ah but, what you must understand is…”
I damn well understand that my dinner, that I’m paying a fortune for, is cold or that the goods I have bought are faulty…
… and what they need to understand is that I am not happy, and am unlikely to return…
It’s difficult to know where to start,cwj. “Draw a line under it”, “I have been tasked with…” and so many others.
Following on from Boadicea, I would also mention the shop assistant in Curry’s who, when confronted with faulty goods, broke into a long spiel of jargon and when told that none of it answered the basic question of repairing the item, then started repeating “You’re not listening to me.”
“Going forward” Aaaarrrggghhhh!
I used to relieve tedious management meetings with a game or two of Bullshit Bingo! Once we were all issued with laptops, it became much easier.
http://www.bullshitbingo.net/cards/bullshit/
All of them. but in particular ‘reach out.’
I rather like ‘rolling out’, ‘going forward’, ‘days and months ahead’ but my current favourite is ‘positive benefits’; I don’t know what they are but they sound like a good thing (!!?)
Remember Bullshit Bingo?
http://www.bullshitbingo.net/cards/bullshit/
Run it up the flagpole and see who salutes it.
Pop it in your mental microwave and see if it defrosts.
Are there negative ones too – like negative growth?
Janus
I’d forgotten about ‘negative growth’ there is also ‘negative impact’.
Personally I all for ‘timely intervention’ whoever he is.
Addressing the issue, move forward, the to which drive me to distraction!
two!
Mine to use “share” instead of “tell” ie: “Don’t share information with anyone”. Arrrgggghhhh!
Check this out: http://www.employmentcrossroads.com/2009/07/what-that-job-ad-really-means-to-say/
And:
http://www.guy-sports.com/humor/jokes/jokes_academic.htm
‘At this moment in time’ and ‘collateral damage’
Whatever was wrong with ‘now’ and ‘dead’?
’empowering’
The only management speak I hear these days is asking me why I am incapable of putting my laundry in the basket!
Thanks, cwj, enjoyed that. “Blue sky thinking” is the phrase I find particularly amusing. If you are up there falling in a blue sky all you are thinking is “Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!”I should imagine.
DT man read out the story about the Quantas jet bits falling over islanders in Indonesia and immersed in reading something else, I muttered absent-mindedly “That’s a maintenance issue, then.”