I notice that Boa has her broomstick out, Halloween is a non event over here (I did take the children trick or treating once but had to supply half the treats myself!)
Found these earlier (even a couple of new ones on me, liked the Bartender one š )
Keep them handy in case the (grand)children come to visit today š
Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road?
It had no guts…
How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scare spray…
What did Dracula say when he kissed his vampire girlfriend?
Ouch…
How do monsters tell their future?
They read their horrorscope…
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck…
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately…
Why don’t skeletons ever go out on the town?
Because they don’t have any body to go out with…
What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
Booberries…
What do zombies like to eat at a cook out?
Halloweenies…
What is a vampire’s favorite sport?
Casketball…
What is a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving…
Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite…
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite…
What does a ghost get when he falls and scrapes his knee?
A boo boo…
Why do witches use brooms to fly on?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy…
What is Dracula’s favorite kind of coffee?
Decoffinated…
What would a monster’s psychiatrist be called?
Shrinkenstein…
What is a baby ghost’s favorite game?
Peekaboo…
What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
“Do you believe in people?”
What do you call someone who puts poison in a person’s corn flakes?
A cereal killer…
Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They’re too wrapped up in themselves…
What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead ends…
What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
Fasten your sheet belts…
What do ghouls eat for breakfast?
Ghost toasties with evaporated milk. (Thanks to Bobbi)
What is a vampire’s favorite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel…
What is a ghost’s favorite mode of transportation?
A scareplane…
What type of dog do vampire’s like the best?
Bloodhounds…
What is a ghoul’s favorite flavor?
Lemon-slime…
What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich…
What is a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
A trombone…
What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets…
Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath…
What’s a vampire’s favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure…
Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
He heard it had great circulation…
Why did the dyslexic vampire starve to death?
He couldn’t find any dloob…
Did you hear about the cannibal boy that was 8 before he was 7?
hehehehe… (Thanks to Raoul)
Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?
He was buttering up his teacher…
What does a cannibal get when he comes home late for dinner?
The cold shoulder… (Thanks to Kelli)
Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his mother-in-law in the jungle?
hee hee…
What do you get when you goose a ghost?
A handful of sheet… (Thanks to Annette)
What kind of car does a ghost drive?
A Boo-ick…
What did the mother ghost say to her son?
Don’t spook unless you are spooken to… (Thanks to Kyle)
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Sham-boo…
Why did the ghost pick his nose?
Because he had boogers… (Thanks to Pearline)
What kind of pants do ghosts wear?
Boojeans… (Thanks to Amanda)
Why wasn’t the vampire working?
He was on a coffinbreak…
What do skeletons say before eating?
Bone AppĆ©tit… (Thanks to Calvin)
What does a child monster call his parents?
Mummy and Deady…
Where do fasionable ghosts shop for sheets?
At bootiques…
What ride do spirits like best at the amusement park?
The roller ghoster…
What do you get when you cross a ghost with an owl?
Something that scares people and doesn’t give a hoot…
What fairy tale do ghosts like best?
Sleeping booty…
What kind of spirits serve food on a plane?
Airline ghostesses…
What kinds of ghosts haunt skyscrapers?
High spirits…
Why did the skeleton climb a tree?
Because a dog was after its bones… (Thanks to Kirsty)
How do you make a witch scratch?
Just take away the W…
Where do ghosts go swimming?
The dead sea…
Why was the witch’s cat giggling?
Because it was a giggle puss… (Thanks to Sam)
What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?
Hope it’s Halloween…
What do you call a skeleton stone age family?
The Flintbones… (Thanks to Gareth)
What did the witch say to the midget vampire skeleton?
Bony little bloodsucker, aren’t you?… (Thanks to Quinn)
What’s the difference between a fisherman and a sick ghost?
One catches his dinner, the other one loses it…
Did you hear about the new Dracula doll?
Wind it up and it bites Barbie on the neck…
What did the t.v. news reporter say to the ghost?
Everyone dead! Boos at 11…
What is a vampire’s favorite ice cream flavor?
Veinilla… (Thanks to Hazel)
Why is a haunted handkerchief so scary?
Because it has boogers… (Thanks to Sassy)
What did the three vampires order at the bar?
Two bloods and a blood light… (Thanks to Shelly)
How did the priest make holy water?
He took some tap water and boiled the hell out of it…
What do you give a vampire with a cold?
Coffindrops…
What do you use to mend a jack-o-lantern?
A pumpkin patch…
What kind of shoes do ghosts from Texas wear?
Boots… (Thanks to Alan)
Why did the Cyclops have to close his school?
He only had one pupil… (Thanks to Frances)
Why isn’t Dracula invited to many Halloween parties?
Because he’s a pain in the neck… (Thanks to Frances)
Who is a skeleton’s favorite emperor?
Napoleon Boneaparte… (Thanks to Haley)
Why did the vampires cancel their baseball game?
They couldn’t find their bats… (Thanks to Kelli)
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi… (Thanks to Valerie)
Which monster likes to fly kites in the rain?
Benjamin Franklinstein… (Thanks to Tingen)
What did the skeleton say to the bartender?
I’ll have two beers and a mop…
What did the mummy say to the detective?
Let’s wrap this case up…
Why was the witch kicked out of witching school?
Because she flunked spelling… (Thanks to Richard)
When a witch lands after flying, where does she park?
The broom closet… (Thanks to Danielle and Jessica)
Where was satan’s son born ?
Deathlehem… (Thanks to ChanceInn)
Why can’t skeletons play music in church?
Because they have no organs…
How do you tell twin witches apart?
You can’t tell which which is which… (Thanks to Taylor)
What do you call a dead chicken that likes to scare people?
A Poultrygeist… (Thanks to Chris)
Found them all here
Boadicea's Chariot 
Oh! Dear! They’re dreadful!
We celebrated Halloween in the UK – without the ‘Trick or Treat’ nonsense. That is a nasty American invention – and as far as I’m concerned it should go back to America and stay there!
Hee hee š
I think that the only ‘celebration’ here is the odd bar or two running a theme party. They would normally be busy anyway (month end, pay day etc.) but nothing wrong with a bit of variety.
Heh, heh š
Bo actually it isn’t!
As part of earlier Christian ritual, the poor begged soul cakes from the rich who asked them to pray for their departed in return, it being All Hallows. Hhm! they got it from us, agreed it has now mutated out of all recognition!
Thank God we live in the depths of the country and no one to perpetrate such claptrap upon us. It is pretty offensive in all the towns.
I have always found it very peculiar that for a purportedly Christian country, America should so enthusiastically support Halloween which has more than pagan roots.
Ignorance and stupidity I have no doubt.
You would think the Ministers would make an issue of it.
Cheers Christina – that certainly makes sense. But, as you say, it has mutated out of all recognition.
I reckon that in the UK it has been selected as a PC alternative to Nov 5th.
I reckon that they should burn all politicians every Nov 5th, King for a year on the ‘Wicker Man’ principle!
Soooo PC!
Darn it. Had no sweets in and have just given away the only chocolate I had… my Green and Black’s rcih milk chocolate,
By all accounts, CO, your useless President is going to get pretty well roasted by 5th November this year. I hope all the guys ready for the bonfires here are of Gordon Brown.