This guy is flying down the road in his EB Z06; and he comes over the top
of a bridge, sure enough,on the other side there is sitting a cop with a
radar gun.
The cop pulls the guy over,walks up to the car and asks “What’s the
hurry?”
The guy replies, “I’m late for work.”
“Oh yeah”, says the cop, “what do you do?”
The guy responds, “I’m a rectum stretcher.”
The cop says “A rectum stretcher, and what does a rectum stretcher do?”
The guy says,”Well, I start with one finger,then I work my way up to two
fingers, then three,then four,then my whole hand,then I work until I can
get both hands in there and then I slowly stretch it until it’s about 6
foot wide”
The cop asks, “What the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?’
The guy replies, “You give him a radar gun and park him at the end of a
bridge…”
Boadicea's Chariot 
Brilliant, 10/10
Ha, ha, ha – you made me snort tea down my nose 😀
Hee Hee Zen,
Chubby Brown did this one years ago. Of course his driver was a See You Next Tuesday stretcher but the conclusion is the same. 🙂 Reminds me of another gag.
A copper pulls a mazerati over after following it at 130mph, he walks up to the drivers window and taps on the glass.
“Good evening officer, how can I help?” says the driver.
“Can I see your license and registration please sir?” asks the fuzz.
“Nope. I don’t have any!”
The copper is taken aback for a moment but regains his thread.
“Is this your car sir?”
“Nope!” says the driver.
“Then whose car is it?”
“Dunno but his body is in the boot we could check his pockets.” says the helpful driver.
“Did you say ‘body’?” asks the rozzer, becoming more and more agitated and reaching for his radio.
“Yes officer, I was rat arsed in the local boozer and he wouldn’t let me have his car so I shot him, stuffed him in the boot and put the gun right here in the glove compartment…”
“STOP right there sir, do not make any sudden moves” The copper keeps a very close eye on the man in the car while he calls in for back up.
Within minutes there are armed response teams, helicopters, sniffer dogs, trained negotiators, riot squads, 3 outside broadcast crews, two coroners and the chief of police assembled at a cordon around the Mazerati.
“I’ll handle this!” says the chief.
He creeps carefully up to the drivers window.
“Hello there, can I see your license and registration please sir?”
“Off course officer” the driver reaches for the glove compartment. The chief holds his breath and 50 armed officers take careful aim. The driver reaches into the glove box and pulls out his clean license, vehicle registration and details of insurance. The chief is puzzled.
“Would you mind stepping out of the vehicle sir?”
The driver gets out of the car, walks a straight line, blows green on the breathalyser and speaks clearly.
“Alright” says the chief, “Would you mind showing me what is in the boot of your car sir?”
“Not at all” says the driver, the news crews desperately try to get a good angle as he unlocks the boot of the car.
The chief shines a torch in to find a pristine emergency kit, a perfectly legal spare wheel, a warning triangle and nothing else.
I’m sorry sir, but our traffic officer told us that you were steaming drunk, had no license, insurance or registration, were in charge of a stolen vehicle with a dead body in the boot and a loaded weapon in the glove compartment.
.
“REALLY!!” exclaims the driver with a look of complete surprise. “I’ll bet the crazy bastard told you I was speeding too.”
I’ve been moved by the spirit on occasion often in mysterious ways too. 🙂