New Creative Writing Competition: September

Here it is, earlier than planned.

2,000 words, or less, in a story or poem. A pictorial story is also fine; no-one has attempted it yet (quite difficult, I feel) but there may just be someone out there who would enjoy the challenge.

The theme is: “For want of a nail …” (proverb)

The following words should be included: “toad” and “lemon”.

I quote Mr Mackie, as did Jaime (because she knows what’s what, even though the sentence gives me a headache) and it is the quintessential Mackie, in my opinion, although I could, of course, be wrong : “Deadline midnight GMT (01.00 am BST on the day immediately following the specified day and all and/or any other time zones pari passu)” on 21 September 2010.

If anyone has a problem with the deadline, please let me know.

102 thoughts on “New Creative Writing Competition: September”

  6. I’m pleased you’re thinking (again), OZ. Have you finished yet and started writing? No pressure, of course. 🙂

  7. It’s a long proverb, Nym. 🙂 I’m not sure I’ve seen the other one, but will look. As you say, same message.

  9. Hi, Bilby.

    I have a major problem with your deadline, or, to be accurate, with the wording thereof. I think that you should sack whoever drafted it for you.

    For a start, it does not stipulate the legal jurisdiction involved. Obviously, since you yourself are situated in England (‘tame and domestic) there is a presumption that you intend the deadline to be governed by the Law of England.

    The website on which you have published your competition, as you probably well know, declares as part of Paragraph 15 of its Terms of Service:-

    ‘Except to the extent applicable law, if any, provides otherwise, this Agreement, any access to or use of the Website will be governed by the laws of the state of California, U.S.A., excluding its conflict of law provisions, and the proper venue for any disputes arising out of or relating to any of the same will be the state and federal courts located in San Francisco County. California.’

    That is, of course, so clear as to be hardly worth even mentioning. But I still feel that there is a potentially tricky point of law in that the sentence involved was first created under the Law of Caledonia (‘stern and wild).

    Having considered the matter, I urge you to consider adding the words ‘Without Prejudice’ to any response which you make to any notification of a claim or dispute which may arise in respect of said deadline.

    In the real world, congratulations on your well-deserved win. And thank you for your highly effective and fully-deserved gentle joshing of my good self. Your time in Jockland was not wasted and major smiley thing.

    For the avoidance of doubt and without prejudice, this is only my opinion and I could, of course, be wrong.

  10. John M – Stoppit right now – you’ll make her ears droop. Details duly noted by the way, but there again I am a bloke. 🙂

    OZ

  11. You are a joy, as ever, Mr Mackie, in my opinion. Thank you for your considered counsel (pro bono, I hope) and kind words. ‘Without Prejudice’ will, no doubt, accompany my every utterance in relation to the deadline minefield.

    ‘stern and wild’; how splendid!

  13. Hi, Bearsy.

    Interesting link, I see that you have ADR (‘Alternative Dispute Resolution’) in your jurisdiction.

    A dangerous nonsense which is simply designed to snatch the bread from the mouth of the average decent, hard-working and honest lawyer.

    I could, of course, be biased,

  15. I didn’t ‘like’ this post either. What am I doing? How is it possible to ‘like’ one’s own post?

  19. Hello Bilby,

    May I just say that your winning entry was truly august. You have raised the bar for the rest of us to reach in Septembeer.

    In trying to scale these literary heights I will adopt a new strategy and will write a serious story this month. From now on I will be stern and wild.

  20. Think I’ve worked it out, Bilby, as I have now liked and unsliked you twice.

    Click on the ‘Like’ star to like, slightly unsurprisingly.

    Having been recorded as liking, go to the star tab which now says ‘You like this’ and select ‘View All Posts I Like’.

    Scroll down, find the relevant post, and click ‘Remove Post’.

    Off to like this post again. And, please don’t tell Janus about this. He might ‘unlike’ our Battleships game, which would devastate both JW and myself.

    I think that I speak for both JW and myself when I say that we would appreciate it if you deigned to put your helmet on and had a pop in said game. It’s not just for boys, you know. Mrs M. has had 2 goes and 2 hits. Yet another good reason, if one was needed, for marrying her in the first place!

  21. Hello, JW.

    Hee hee! I think I saw, fleetingly, an august comment from you recently, when I wasn’t in commenting mode and meant to reply, but didn’t. I must make more use of my dashboard thingy.

    Please be true to yourself, J; stern, wild and hilarious. That’ll do. 🙂

  22. Aha! Brilliant, John, thank you.

    I appreciate your invitation to participate in The Game, but I’m rather enjoying it from the shore line, without getting wet feet, but one never knows …

  23. Thrice I’ve augusted, Bilby, I didn’t think anybody noticed; twelve long months before I can use that one again.

    I’m looking forward to this month’s challenge because Lemon is one of my favourite words of all-time and I take my favourite words seriously. 🙂

    Go on, have a shot, I need all the help I can get.

  24. theroyalist :

    I’m looking forward to this month’s challenge because Lemon is one of my favourite words of all-time and I take my favourite words seriously. :-)

    Go on, have a shot, I need all the help I can get.

    JW, in the great pantheon of citric fruit, I have to admit that I would have had you marked down as an orange man rather than a lemon one.

  25. Nice one, JM, as ever.

    I’ve just worked out that Lemon is an anagram of Melon. Whoo-hoo, I’m getting as clever as you. (furious patting of theroyalist’s back by JW). I must subscribe to Classic FM magazine.

  26. Lemon is very special, JW. I appreciate another lemon connoisseur, believe me. Looking forward to your creative use of ‘lemon’ with interest. 🙂

    I thought you were doing rather well in The Game, but what do I know? Don’t push me, I might fall in.

  27. I have always preferred limes myself. Why anyone would want to put a slice of lemon in a gin and tonic is quite beyond me, but no matter….. If Bilby wants lemon in her story, then lemon it’s going to have to be.

    OZ

  28. OZ
    Lemons are much higher in vitamin c, than limes, but we Brits at one stage could only get limes for our soldiers which were not so good at deterring scurvy and we were therefore known as ‘Limeys’

    theroyalist, your use of ‘august’ has been noted and I shall be watching out for the same over use of a month’s name in May, when I hope the force will be with you.

  32. Bilbers, Backside’s errant Muse just turns up whenever she’s bored with inspiring the Poet Laureate, Jaime and other professionals. 🙂

  35. Janus – I have described dear Eff previously as ‘probably a Ward of Court’, which is how I still regard her. She is enjoying the unexpected freedom of The Cave, but Das Fürballen remain nervous.

    OZ

  36. Bilby! Congrats on your story on unconditional love! I’m going to miss this competition also, I’m afraid, too busy packing my bags for a move to the UK on October 2. Signing off again.

  37. Backside’s haiku entry:

    Old Rat taunted toad:
    “Can’t peel lemons without nails!”
    “Not heard of toads’ tools?”

  39. Good to hear from you, Jaime, and thank you. 🙂 Good luck with the move. Hope to hear from you when things are less frantic.

  42. Hi, Nym

    Well, I could just declare Janus and Backside the winners of this comp and choose another theme with a revised deadline. 🙂

    Anyone else finding the theme difficult/intending to write a story/in the middle of a story/prefer a new theme/deadline etc?

    Please speak up. I won’t be offended, honest! 🙂

    Another thought: perhaps a month would be better for everyone; the comp seems to have speeded up recently, or is is just my imagination … ?

  43. Bilbers, how could you? A win by default? Such humiliation – like scoring a test century against bent bowlers! Let’s face it – the Muse is on holiday, visiting only the expatriot residents of the Baltic Riviera.

    Yours affectionately, E&EO, in our opinion, sub judice,

    Janus and Backside

  44. Sorry, J&B, it wasn’t very kind, but what to do? Jaime is otherwise engaged and the Wolf is late; not a good sign.

  46. For the want of a fridge the sausage was off. (Power cut thanks to Southern Electricity.) For the want of the sausage the meal was dross. (Toad in the hole is just hole without sausage.)For the want of the meal the date was off. (She’d not been that keen in the first place, if she was honest.) For the want of a date she mixed a drink (with a Gin and Tonic with ice and lemon) and called a friend, so not all was lost, in the end.

  47. Difficult when you don’t warm to a subject, Nym. Don’t feel pressured, please, I would hate it! Don’t mind ‘dark places’ myself, but if it’s a problem for you, I do understand To be honest, I’m having panic attacks about the judging … 🙂

  50. That was a spoof entry, really, Bilby!
    But t’would serve if I come up with nothing more useful / clever/ inspired!

  52. Don’t worry about the judging. A clear winner popped to the surface when I judged the last competition.

  53. 🙂

    Not worried about finding a winner, Nym, just the bit in between. I can hardly say just say, “and the winner is” …!

    I’m sure I’ll cope.

  55. Perhaps I should post a post in case others have missed this. Decisions, decisions! 🙂 Tomorrow though.

    Nighty night.

  56. We have a whole week yet, Bilby. A similar scenario happened last time. Hold your horses would be my advice.

  59. OK. Will wait. Thanks, Nym.

    Thought this would be ideal for you, JW. I usually work out a (very) rough plot and then sort out the toads from the lemons. 😉

    Stop thinking and start writing, Lupine One. 🙂

    To my everlasting shame (no doubt), I don’t understand the ‘lemon’ reference, Bearsy. Yes, please do join in.

    Sorry the theme is proving difficult (sob!)

  60. “Thought this would be ideal for you, JW. I usually work out a (very) rough plot and then sort out the toads from the lemons.”

    Hark at you, Bilby. You win a competition and now you think you’re Louise Doughty.
    (*interjection by the other side of me- “Sharrup you fool, she’s the judge.”)
    Oh yeah, umm…you know I won’t let you down, Bilby, I will…I will..
    (*”Do your usual. Lie”)
    I will have something written soon.
    (*Big smiley thing”)
    🙂

  63. Competition is fierce in Creative Chariot Land. I shall draw a veil over your outburst, JW, and put it down to writer’s block and a fiendishly difficult theme.

    Power is corrupting of course. I have learnt a lesson here. After Judgement Day, I just hope I have the strength to revert to my usual humble self.

    Yours sincerely between giggles.

    Bilby Doughty

    Extra large smiley thing 😀

  65. Hi, JWs!

    The ‘definitely not sports’ worries me a little as I fear it is probably ‘definitely about sports’, so you are both right, no doubt, about my potential lack of understanding.

    Thanks for the entry; good lad(s)! 🙂

  71. Message from Backside:

    I thought that my prize was a shoe-in
    When the Judge got depressed. But they flew in,
    All those Johnnie-come-latelies,
    Those Don’t-shut-the-gatelies.
    And my castle of dreams is a ruin. 😦

  73. Dear Backside

    It ain’t over until the Greater Bilby sings, the Lesser one being extinct, which is really depressing.

    🙂

  76. See Bilby, they entries are always later rather than sooner! It would be interesting to plot on a graph the pattern of entries and the pattern of anxiety this causes the ‘setter’ –
    🙂

  77. Hee hee! I see this now in a different light. My entries have always been at the eleventh hour. How awful of me! Will I be a reformed character? Probably not! 🙂

  83. Hiya Bilby – Someone, it may have been Backside, logged a Danish entry @ #31, but in fairness to you, Madame Judge, sir, it was almost two weeks ago.

    OZ

  84. Bilby!

    I hate to be a pain – but I’m afraid I must disqualify Isobel’s entry from your competition. There are several reasons for this:

    1. Isobel is an author here and could quite easily post her entry herself (with, if she wants, a link to her site at the end).

    2. Isobel has not entered the competition herself. Heavens! We could go round all the sites on WordPress and enter any old story from anyone!

    3. For some reason Isobel has decided not to post or comment here. If she should win how will she be able to judge the next competition? Or will we all have to go to Isobel’s site for the results?

  85. Boadicea – You are quite right of course, in a John Mackie sort of way, but please be gentle with our pet Bilby. It is her competition after all 🙂 and I fear ear-wilt, tail-droop and significant displacement activity in the face of conflict.

    OZ

  86. OZ – that is me being gentle!

    I tend to think it a little unfair to all those who contribute to the site (like your good self!) for someone who shows no interest whatsoever to waltz in, put a link to another site and then possibly win! I have no objection to people who want only to contribute to the Chariot’s Creative Writing Competition posting stories… but here please! 🙂

  87. boadicea :

    OZ – that is me being gentle!

    Whimper! I think I’m getting into deep doo-doo here. I know exactly where you’re coming from Ma’am, and I totally agree, but I was only trying to say that Isobel didn’t just waltz in with a link. Bilby, whose competition it is, posted the link.

    OZ

  88. I’m glad you agree OZ!

    I know where the link came from and how and why – and it’s not having a go at Bilby at all… 🙂

    But, at the end of the day someone has to set some guidelines (and that’s me!) and I’ve just made a ruling that entrants to the Chariot’s Creative Writing Competition should have the courtesy to post their own entries here. Otherwise we could have people writing entries on MyT or elsewhere and expecting people to post links to here, there and everywhere else…

    This isn’t about Bilby’s competition – it’s about keeping the Chariot’s Competition fair and square.

  89. Boadicea – Fairy ’nuff. But I have been looking after dear Ethel for some months now AND EXPECT SOME EFFING RETURN for my troubles.

    OZ

  90. O Zangado :

    Hiya Bilby – Someone, it may have been Backside, logged a Danish entry @ #31, but in fairness to you, Madame Judge, sir, it was almost two weeks ago.

    OZ

    Thanks, OZ. #31 was me alright, lost in the Scottish mists of time. 🙂

  95. O Zangado :

    Boadicea – You are quite right of course, in a John Mackie sort of way, but please be gentle with our pet Bilby. It is her competition after all :-) and I fear ear-wilt, tail-droop and significant displacement activity in the face of conflict.

    OZ

    Bilby scratches ears, grooms fur, hums quietly (but never breaks into song), digs another burrow, eats a few worms in a distracted sort of way … 🙂

  97. Bilbers, your arcane subject has produced some of the best CW entries we have seen, in my opinion (quote).

  99. Excellent! I’ll look forward to reading them.

    Janus :

    And how long do we have to wait now?

    We haven’t even reached the deadline yet, Janus. Patience, dear chap! 🙂

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