A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, ‘Father, I have a problem.
I have two female parrots,
But they only know how to say one thing.’
‘What do they say?’ the priest inquired.
‘They say, “Hi, we’re hookers, do you want to have some fun?”
‘That’s obscene!’ the priest exclaimed,
Then he thought for a moment and said
‘You know, I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots,
which I have taught to pray and read the Bible..bring your two parrots over to my house and we’ll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time.’
Thank you,’ the woman responded, ‘this may very well be the solution to my problem.’
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest’s house.
As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison:
Hi, we’re hookers, do you want to have some fun?’
There was stunned silence.
Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed,
‘Put the beads away, Frank, our prayers have been answered
Boadicea's Chariot 
🙂 you are on form
The Defective Parrot
A couple who had recently lost their cat were browsing round a large pet store. They came across a parrot who didn’t appear to have any legs.
The guy says. “I can’t see any legs on this parrot.”
His wife replied. ” Me neither, I don’t think he can have any.”
The Parrot says. That’s correct, I’m defective, I don’t have legs.”
The couple are astonished at this show of intelligence and the guy says.
“That’s amazing, I thought parrots just mimicked.”
The parrot says. ” That is true of course, but I am able to speak fluently in English and also have a very good grasp of French. I am able to hold an intelligent conversation on many subjects. Economics, philosophy and politics to name a few, I even have a good store of anecdotes and jokes.
The guy says. “I am really impressed, but how do you stay on the perch, without legs and feet?”
The parrot answers. ” I curl my willie round it like a hook, it can’t be seen, my feathers cover it. Why don’t you buy me, I promise you wont regret it.”
The wife says. “How much are you?”
The parrot replies.” £599. but make an offer of £50. They can’t sell me, no one wants a parrot without legs, so I’m positive they’ll do a deal.
The couple made a good deal for both the parrot and his cage and took him home. True to his word, the parrot was a great conversationalist and proved to be a great companion.
Several months later, the guy came home from work early and his wife was still not home. The parrot waved him over with it’s wing and says. “I’m going out of my mind with worry and I feel that I’ve got to tell you something about your wife”
The guy is getting worried too and says. “What? is it?”
The parrot says. “When the milkman came this morning, your wife answered the door dressed in a see through nightie, wearing nothing else.”
“Jesus..and then?”
“She let him into the house and took him into the lounge, but the door was ajar and I could still see.
The guy is frantic now. “What the fuck happened?” “Well…he knelt down in front of her and lifted up her nightie” “The ‘kin’g bar-steward, what then?”
“He started kissing her down there, licking and making slobbering noises and she was moaning and groaning.”
The raging guy shouts. ” Go on..what the fcuk did they do then?”
The parrot squawked.
“I haven’t got a clue.. I got a hardon and fell off the perch.”
Clever, Toc.
OK, I admit to cut and paste –
A lady is walking down the street to work and sees a parrot in a pet store. She stops to admire the bird. The parrot says to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious! She storms past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot upon seeing her says, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” She was incredibly ticked now. The next day on the way to work she saw the same parrot and once again it said, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” The lady was so furious that she stormed into the store and threatened to sue the store and have the bird killed. The store manager apologized profusely and promised the bird wouldn’t say it again. The next day, when the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her, “Hey lady.” She paused, scowled with an icy and deadly stare, and said with a hoarse voice, “Yes?” The bird, strutting back and forth on its perch in a cocky manner, said, “You know.”