I fell off a horse.

Yes, I know that was a pretty daft thing to do, but, like, I din’t do it on purpose, did I?

A couple of months ago I started riding classes. My granddaughter is crazy about horses and I want to go out with her when I’m in Cyprus in the summer. Since I haven’t straddled a horse in about 20 years, I decided I need some serious instruction to get back into the swing of the thing. There is a park in the middle of Moscow, (one of many,) where there is a stables and a riding school, so I signed up for a course of lessons. My coach, as they say here, is a former Olympic pentathlete, also a career soldier, and he spotted me for another ex-Squaddie straight away.

Anyhoo, I was doing an exercise which involved riding sans stirrups or bridle, when the horse stumbled slightly and I took a tumble. Being the highly trained ex-soldier that I am, I tucked and rolled into the fall and away from the obstacle, (the horse, who kindly stepped aside so that I wouldn’t roll under its hooves,) and I would have been fine, except that I managed to ram my own elbow into my ribs. So, I have a couple of badly bruised, maybe cracked ribs. Not serious, but painful.

I went to the chemist and managed to charm the lady in there into giving me some industrial-grade painkillers, which was an achievement in itself. I explained that I was riding a horse OK, but couldn’t for the life of me remember how to say ‘fall off,’ so I made a sort of diving motion, which brought on a puzzled look, and the question, ‘But why did you jump off?’ So i changed it into a sort of falling motion and she got the message. Armed with those and some 600 mg Brufen, the pain is manageable, except when I wake up stiff in the morning. Getting out of bed is not fun.

Now, I’m sure that you are all fascinated by this little anecdote and extremely sympathetic to my current plight, but the actual purpose of this post is to apologise to Boadicea for reneging on my promise to post some pictures of the English Court here in Moscow. This weekend is reserved for R & R as I didn’t feel up to doing much walking. I will try to get the pics next weekend.

33 thoughts on “I fell off a horse.”

  1. Bravo, that is undoubtedly the best excuse I have ever read; I am sure that Boadicea (who has retired early this evening after a particularly hard day) will be charmed by your audacious equine endeavours and will trip over herself to enquire solicitously about your continuing welfare when she awakens. Mind you, I could be wrong. 😀

  2. On the subject of horses, I learned this weekend, courtesy of ‘France 24’ the news service, that Hermes, the fashion house, began its life as a manufacturer of saddles. In fact the company, even after its diversification into human accoutrement has always maintained a connection with the equine world and is now making a return to its origins. It is currently sponsoring an exhibition of equestrian art in Paris. No competition involved, just beauty in motion.

  3. bravo22c :

    industrial-grade painkillers,

    I thought that you had “industrial-grade” vodka for circumstances such as this!

  4. Bearsy, that too 🙂

    Sipu, interesting about Hermes. I bought all my gear here in Moscow hat, gloves, jodpuhrs, boots, chaps for less than 200 euros! The instrucror at the riding school sent me to an address that turned out to be an apartment – no rubbish either good German kit.

  5. Sounds like excellent value. They cost a lot more out here. I grew up with horses and did the pony club thing. For some reason I never fell in love with it. I have been hunting a few times and that is terrific fun. My dad was in a cavalry regiment before the War and was an exhibition rider for the army but generally speaking, I can take or leave the sport. I was not in the right place at the right time when my farming friends started playing polo, but had I been, I think that would have fostered a greater love for horses. Apparently, polo is the greatest of all aphrodisiacs! A hot sweaty polo player represents power, skill, testosterone and wealth. Women just love it. Not that I have ever needed any help, mind you. 😉

  7. Oops Bravo: hope you are not suffering too badly from the tumble. The trouble is that as one becomes older, one’s ability to “bounce” lessens.

    I’ve fallen off plenty of horses and haven’t done anything more serious than winding myself, but I was rather younger then.

    I still have a Hermès scarf!

  10. It can be a dangerous business, this horse-riding lark, Bravo. I had a dice with death riding out near the RMA firing ranges once. It was a “friendly fire” SNAFU on the part of the British Army. Luckily they missed, but the horses headed for home at a fair rate of knots.

  11. Araminta, it probably wasn’t friendly fire, then. Friendly fire is usually more accurate than the hostile variety. (Old British Army proverb, suitably ‘amended’ for delicate civilian ears.)

  12. Well, I doubt it was deliberate, Bravo. They usually used to post notices letting us know which range they were using, but they didn’t on this occasion.

  13. I’ve gone off horses since yesterday. I stared in disbelief as King John’s Castle, on whom I had bet a couple of quid, stood absolutely stock still at the start of the Grand National and refused to race. One part of me applauds its sound common sense. I wouldn’t want to race round four and a half miles leaping over horrendously high fences. The other part, the Scottish one, says that this is what the animal is paid to do and that if it wanted to withdraw from the race it should have developed a diplomatic headache beforehand so I didn’t waste my money.

  14. Oh Bravo, poor you, do you need anything rubbing? I’m good with a bit of massage oil and sandpaper. You take care now, and stop all this horsing around 😉

  15. Apologies accepted Bravo! Especially in the light of your great news that children are actually going to be taught time-line history instead of unrelated snippets tied up under the general heading ‘Social Sciences’…

    I hope you are feeling better, and not suffering too much. 🙂 You have confirmed my life-time conviction that horses are the most untrustworthy form of transport and are far better left well alone…

    Am I the only person here who has never been on a horse? 😦

  16. Boadicea that is almost sacrilegious coming from the Queen of the Iceni. Unless of course you happen to be a charioteer.

  18. Boa; bienvenue; I never have done horses, never will do!
    Bravo, that has to be the most articulate sick note in history. But you do have my every sympathy 😉

  19. I definitely prefer chariots, with someone else at the reins – leaving both of my hands free to use my spears… 🙂

  21. Ouch!
    I have never done any horseriding. Too expewnsive in my childhood. Now wondering if I shall ever do it. Sat a few times on horses on relatives farms and lots of donkey rides, but all lifetimes ago.
    Anyway, back to the point. My sympathies for your aches and pains. Balck pepper oil is v good for warming aching joints. Mix it with almond oil or similar and massage in to your aching limbs and joints. For the long term try Pernaton gel or capsules. I like the capsules. My 87-year-old aunt reckons she’d not be walking without the gel. In the UK it’s available from Wellbeing in Birmingham. Good luck!

  22. Sorry about the fall. Careful with those big four-footed animules (that’s the southern US pronunciation).

  23. nice one bravo. i used to ride and fall off a lot too. landed on my head once and things are a bit fuzzy after that. walked back to the start of the cross country course and someone said “where’s your horse?” “horse?” i replied.

  24. Thanks all. It’s almost certainly a badly bruised or cracked rib(s). No inflammation, no bruising, no swelling, no blood in the urine…no other symptoms except pain on deep breathing and on compressing the area. Painful but not serious. No treatment but patience. 😦

  25. Be careful with industrial strength Brufen. Protect your stomach. Don’t take on an empty stomach and consider taking a protective med such as this
    ranitidine
    Type of medicine H2-receptor antagonist
    Used for Conditions caused by too much acid being produced in the stomach.
    To treat irritation and ulceration of the stomach caused by non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs
    Also called Histac®; Ranitil®; Zantac®
    Available as Tablets, effervescent tablets, oral liquid and injection

  27. Hold a pillow against your chest where it hurts to offer some protection when you deep breath or cough. Make sure you continue to cough and don’t ‘protect’ yourself from pain by shallow breathing.

    You could add in a paracetamol type analgesia.

  28. Pseu, yep, knew that about the breathing, and the coughing. Thanks for pointing it out, though, and the tip on the pilow. The pain is localised on the right side, at about I, think, the top floating rib, (don’t know whether you count them from the bottom up or top down.)

  30. “Position of the fractured rib in the thorax helps identify potential injury to specific underlying organs. Fracture of the lower ribs usually is associated with injury to abdominal organs rather than to lung parenchyma. Fracture of the left lower ribs is associated with splenic injuries, and fracture of the right lower ribs is associated with liver injuries. Fracture of the floating ribs (ribs 11, 12) is often associated with renal injuries.”

    Floating ribs: any of the lower ribs that are not attached directly to the breastbone. Also called false rib.

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