Wiremu, a New Zealander, was in Australia to watch the upcoming Rugby
World Cup and was not feeling well, so he decided to see a doctor.
‘Hey doc, I dun’t feel so good, ey’ said Wiremu.
The doctor gave him a thorough examination and informed Wiremu that
he had long existing and advanced prostate problems and that the only
cure was testicular removal.
‘No way doc’ replied Wiremu ‘I’m gitting a sicond opinion ey!’
The second Aussie doctor gave Wiremu the same diagnosis and also
advised him that testicular removal was the only cure.
Not surprisingly, Wiremu refused the treatment.
Wiremu was devastated, but with the Rugby World Cup just around the
corner he found an expat Kiwi doctor and decided to get one last
opinion from someone he could trust.
The Kiwi doctor examined him and said: ‘Wiremu Cuzzy Bro, you
huv Prostate suckness ey’
‘What’s the cure thin doc ?’ asked Wiremu hoping for a different answer.
‘Wull, Wiremu’, said the Kiwi doctor ‘Wi’re gonna huv to cut off your
balls.’
‘Phew, thunk god for thut!’ said Wiremu, ‘those Aussie bastards
wanted to take my test tickets off me!
Boadicea's Chariot 
Good one Pseu! And yay, it is Friday! But I should be preparing dinner, not reading your jokes!
Village Quiz tonight. NO cooking, food there! Yippee.
Ooh, you make me jealous, you people-without-littl’uns. Ah well; double Corrie for me – rock n roll!
I’ve been there though Claire and got the wrinkles.
And at 13 and 16 they can now come with us and make upt he team of four
Oh God, family meals; pubs… We’re still at feeding-time-at-zoo stage…ANd as for wrinkles, well I was trying to stave them off with a very expensive tube of Clinique anti oxidant moisturiser – until the whole lot ended up being squeezed down the toilet last weekend! Back to the Niveau then..
You need a lock on the cosmetic cabinet!
Good joke, and as for food, I am just off to the chippie!
Hi Nym: lucky you, we are just awaiting arrival of a daughter; she has been threatening to visit all week, but due to pressure of work, hasn’t made it yet! So,we are dithering about supper at the moment. More information needed, I decided 🙂 If none forthcoming we may default to the chippie option as well!
Claire. Go to your chemist and ask for a large tub of aquabase. 90 -odd% of all moisturising creams, cheap or outrageous, is aquabase. A few quidsworth will do you for months, and do just as good a job as the swankiest brand name.
Puty I had fush and chups for lunch on Wednesday, ey?
Hee hee, Pseu. Have you heard the one about the the young chap who wakes up after major surgery connected to drips, oxygen mask and lots of those “dink-dink” machines? A pretty nurse is watching over him.
“Nurse”, he whispers, groggily, “Are my testicles black?”
“I’m sure they aren’t”, says the nurse, somewhat embarrassed.
“Will you look for me, please?”, he croaks. “I have to know! Are my testicles black?”
With some misgivings the nurse gently raises the sheets and inspects said appendages closely.
“No”, she says finally, “your testicles aren’t black”.
“Well, that was most enjoyable”, replies the patient, lifting the oxygen mask, “but I was asking, ‘Are my test results back?'”
Taxi!
OZ
Bravo, that used to be so, but the new formulations have added benefits, honest.
Tee hee, OZ
Bravo @ #9 – Unless you’re an industrial chemist by profession, that’s one of the most disturbing comments I’ve ever heard from a bloke.
OZ
Actually Aquabase not available in UK, but I believe it to be the same as Aqueous Cream.
The common ingredients are:
* liquid paraffin
* white soft paraffin
* purified water
* emulsifying wax containing sodium laurylsulphate
* cetostearyl alcohol
* chlorocresol
It causes quite a few reactions in many people and nowadays is only recommended as a soap substitute, not a cream to apply for moisturising.
Doctors & Nurses
A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.
Johnny’s mother says, “Let’s not be too harsh on them…they are bound to be curious about sex at that age.”
“Curious about sex?” replies Mary’s mother. “He’s taken her f#cking appendix out!
BRavo; you sound like my dad: ‘Tub of vaseline, sort y’out luv…’ 😉
Pseu; thanks for that. I’m sure the clinique is a con as well, but I’m just a sucker for fancy packaging, I think…
.
Lol. Nice one Janus,
I wonder why I said that OZ. Same sentiment, wrong name. Wake up Toc!
😦