As I am rarely in the doctor’s or the MP’s surgeries, filled as they are with viruses and mendacity it is libraries that give me cause for concern. For years I bought (well hired, to be exact) into the library deal without any inkling of worry. I would present my card and chosen books to be stamped and I would return them within a certain date. This, for any aliens reading out there, is what libraries do.
Last month as I was halfway through a book I noticed a round coffee cup stain on one of the pages. To say I was disgusted would be an understatement especially as I’m a tea drinker. Checking the stamp page it appeared that the book had had three “owners”, including myself. One of the other two had the sickening habit of reading and drinking at the same time; as well as using a cup to hold down a page. I vowed from this time on I would only hire out new books that had never been used.
With kid gloves I tenderly remove books from the shelves and check for any previous. If they are unstamped they’re safe. Sometimes you have to be careful as a book might have gone round the clock and be on its second label. (Though normally the bogging condition of the novel can be a giveaway) I realise that my mission limits my choices to the just-in section or any of Louise Doughty’s.
Another no-no is taking a book to casually read inside the library. God knows what spores are seeped in the fabric of the seat. A thousand and one bums will have been sat on that chair doing unspeakable acts, probably in silence as it is a library. Wild horses wouldn’t make me sit on that saddle. Then there’s the free internet access for all that resides in a section of the room. How grubby must the keyboards be? Big porky fingers banging the keys typing out mince blogs.
Even new books are fraught with danger. One of the great unwashed librarians must have touched them when they catalogued them into their proper place on the shelf. When I’ve taken my brand new hired books home I open a window and with the book outdoors I read them at arm’s length.
Boadicea's Chariot 
I have a library card, ours is a small one but well stocked and the larger one is not too far … still, I prefer to buy all my own books if possible ,,,
I certainly wouldn’t lend any of my books. They’re my hidden treasure while I wait for that giant flare in the sky to drop down on us destroying all knowledge from our computers and leaving me as the ….
Sole holder of all knowledge …. then I can become world president and ……. 🙂
I admit that I rarely go to libraries.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy reading, quite the opposite.
When I am taking courses at university, there’s simply too much to read there to worry about much else.
There are also a number of used books for very low prices. As I tend to be quite brutal with books, though never crossing the line to marking them, it seems better to actually own them. The only time it is different is when I have to hire academic works.
You make me wonder how I have survived all these years regularly using libraries and even being a voluntary “unwashed librarian”, TR.
I have a library ticket – not much use here as the local library is pretty poor. I’ve never given a thought to the possibility of contagion – although it has crossed my mind that some of the documents I use in the archives might have been handled by someone who had been in contact with a bubonic plague victim…
… 🙂
While you are about it, make sure you wash your mobile phone after pointing Percy at the porcelain, etc.. 🙂
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/8824568/One-in-six-mobile-phones-contains-e.-coli.html
BTW, our local library now has time-limited ebook downloads, that I find much more convenient.
Wow! FEEG – I hope that catches on here.
Pause for a moment and consider how many paws have been on your used books.
(pause)
Hey guys and gals – we live in a world full of bugs of diverse shapes and sizes, many of which are doing their damnedest to kill us; that’s why we have an immune system. It does a pretty good job most of the time.
No worries, she’ll be right. 😀
You’re probably right, Bearsy. Our anti-bodies can go nuclear with enemy invaders. What’s a little book bug gonna do?
cancel that Kindle
I read a novel once about a major and deadly epidemic in the US. It was quite a fascinating story, illustrating the efforts and frustrations of the medical scientists involved in the hunt for the transmission vector when there was seemingly no connection between the victims and no apparent consistency in the spread of the disease. You can see how long ago I read this book when I tell you that the transmission vector was finally tracked down to an item that everyone came into contact with frequently – postage stamps, or, more specifically, the gum on a specific print run 🙂
Then, of course, there’s ‘The Name of the Rose…’
Daft, you are. Daft as a brush and not nearly as useful 🙂
How can you go out at all if this is what you fear?
Money – that’s filthy stuff…. and who handled the shopping trolley before you? And what had they been doing before?!
Oh! Dear TR as a Scot I hate to tell you this but one of the worst germ carriers in your life is paper money (I’m told unofficially that the 50 pound notes are deadly) However for your own safety and comfort I am volunteering to take the risk. Wearing a mask and gloves quickly bundle your notes into a sealed plastic container and send them parcel post to me, in return I will give you complete indemnity against all diseases I may contract as a result of this action. This offer is open to all but is limited in duration, I’m not feeling all that well right now.
link here
http://www.newscientist.com/blog/lastword/2007/09/filthy-lucre.html
As an aside I also noted recently that an Italian researcher is claiming that “almost all” paper currency is contaminated with cocaine (high denominations anyone?).
Haw JW.
Speaking for myself, it is a delight to find that the more advanced elements of the less civilized or Weegie part of Caledonia ( ‘stern and wild’) have finally started to learn how to read and that you now have libraries, however insalutary, on your side of the great divide.
Ritual insult over and moving on. I still feel guilty about the great non-event that was Battleships 2. Totally my fault.
I am certain that you will have noticed that there is an upcoming film which we both need to see, even it does not have Samuel L Jackson (for you) or Sandra Bullock (for me) in the cast. I refer, of course, to the forthcoming blockbuster based on the game which we both hold dear:-
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battleship_(film)
Due out in 2012. So. here’s the offer. I’ll meet you half-way and we watch it together. Should be Fauldhouse but their cinema closed yonks ago. Open to negotiation.
What about Wishaw or Livingston?
Whoops and addendum. JW.
Didn’t realise when I went for the afore-mentioned ritual insult that you had left such generous birthday wishes on my own site yesterday. If truth be told, it took a while to get into said site because I really have been trying not to be there or here and things seemed to have moved on, techno-wise, since I was last here or there.
I’ll reply there but thanks here.
LW,
You’re one of the unsung heroes of the site, IMO. Your remarks are always amusing. Unfortunately, I don’t know what colour £50 notes are, never mind having any of them. I do know fivers are blue and I keep them close to my heart.
JM,
I’d have thought Hamilton Vue cinemas was halfway. Mind you, I don’t have a geography O’ level. I have a Latin one but we won’t go into that. I don’t normally frequent films with strange men though in your case I’ll make an honourable exception. Trouble is we might argue over where to sit, title-wise. H 4 or R 54.
Of course, in all likelihood by the time of the screening I’ll be on R 55.