My wife was on a girl’s night out and I was given the pleasant task of redecorating the toilet while she painted the town: you’ve guessed it right, red, white and blue. After finishing my chore I felt like going to sleep, instead I decided to watch some TV.
The satellite TV was on the blink and it would be days before a technician calls, however all was not lost, I still had Freeview on my television in the bedroom. The channels Freeview provides are limited but it’s either that or nothing and something’s better than nothing.
After watching an old movie on one of the terrestrial stations I went channel hopping. By this time it was early in the morning and most of the channels were off or had switched to home shopping and were advertising all manners of merchandise. I almost bought some new Tupperware. Thankfully, sanity prevailed. I bypassed the news broadcasters, no news is good news and all that, and came across something called Smile TV.
As I am a “safe search on, no bad language, no sex, no violence, no smoking” internet surfer the adult content was unexpected and I didn’t know where to look.
I looked at the TV.
A topless young lady was rolling about a bed talking on the phone. And then I heard a key entering my front door. It must be my wife arriving home as burglars normally force the door open. Quick as a Flash-A-AH I lunged for the remote and the off switch. Pressing the button in a panic, nothing happened and footsteps were climbing the stairs. This was pure Hitchcock. The remote was obviously knackered and to worsen matters the TV screen froze showing the woman in a compromising position. As my wife opened the bedroom door I scrambled behind the TV and wrenched the plug from the socket, in the process knocking the TV onto the wall and ripping the wall paper.
I’m decorating the bedroom next week.
Boadicea's Chariot 
I read this earlier today…
Bear fact: During an expedition in the Rocky Mountains, Vern McMahon accidentally stumbled into a bear’s lair and was cornered by the massive predator. At a loss for what to do, he whipped out his finger puppets and put on a small performance. After a few short moments he had managed to distract the bear long enough to slowly circle around it until he was clear to run for his life.
Perhaps you should consider finger puppets 🙂
A big thank you to the likers. It makes my misfortune worthwhile.
Talking of finger puppets, Soutie.
I’m reminded of the time when I was a teenager on the football supporters bus. There were two brothers in their thirties who also were members of the club. One day, going to a match, the married brother said of his sibling, who still lived with his parents, that his Dad caught him at it yesterday. The brother had forgot to lock the toilet door and was doing his thing when his father entered. The old man said.
“Thirty-three years of age and you’re still playing that game.”
When I was a Rugger Bugger, redecorating the toilet had a very different meaning! 🙂